How can I stop comparing my progress in life to others?
the first step is to realize that its a biological holdover from when humans lived in tribes of at most 100 people
To expand on OP's question, how can I forgive myself? I'm so close to achieving inner peace and I've made such incredible progress. But I feel so much shame for ruining my friendship and having to see this girl all the time.
>>16504315
By not seeing "progress in life" something to compare results about.
It's not easy, but why do you feel the need to compare to others?
Do you feel inferior all the time? or do you think you have to meet a standard, otheriwse you disappoint someone/fail?
>>16504359
Forgive yourself... for what? What do you feel "guilty" about?
You probably still feel guilty or responsible or "you could have done differently"about past relationships, be it with friends or girlfirends.
But elaborating on it should help.
that's a tough question. i think you can never stop comparing yourself to others, especially with an arbitrary standard such as "progress." our lives are made up of choices, and we are the ones who make them. whatever influences our choices outside of our control; that much we cannot worry about. we can't hate ourselves for being short, weak, working class, etc. well, we can. but would it make any sense as opposed to making due with what we have? life is so much about mindset, which is the one thing you can control. you can choose what thoughts to entertain, what music to listen to, who to spend time with, what do become addicted to, and then some.
this is the essence of my advice, OP: make choices in your OWN life, which propel and motivate you into moving forward. others, your friends, family, enemies, teachers, ALL learn this lesson. nobody is going to make a life for you. Nobody. You are going to sacrifice alot and gain alot, but in the end it's personal choice which takes you out of this hole. Otherwise, you're going to do as I did for 4 years and smoke/drink heavily every night until you lose the respect of everyone you know and your health at 23. This year I realized that the reason I hated myself was because I simply couldn't respect myself. Nothing that I did contributed to a positive self-image... or an honorable self-regard. We can moan about not being born in more favorable circumstances, but that honestly doesn't do anything at all man..
If you want to achieve whatever, look ahead. Be conscious of yourself. Don't lie to yourself and bury your self-loathing underneath rationalization.
as one man to another, there comes a time when we gotta take responsibility. i'm not saying man the fuck up etc. but I am saying you need to stare into the truth of the matter square in the eyes for real, and know man cannot remake himself without suffering. Take personal responsibility for your own life. you are allowed to be bitter, but think about what i said
>>16504373
Long story short, I asked a coworker out (idiocy, I know), she declined because she was leaving for school so we became good friends, I confirmed I still liked her after her mom prodded her about me, we grew distant right up until she left, though I gave her an amiable send-off. She unexpectedly comes back three months later for season work and despite the fact I mostly mind my own business and give her space, when I do try to speak with her, she is cold and distant. I can deal with this for the most part but it makes me feel like I ruined a good thing. The fact I'm dating a girl I like a lot doesn't help me get over this other mistake I made.
Just got my legs broken in by an armenian i didn't pay, and got my car jacked, could be worse buddy, doc says my left leg needs to be amputated, then proceeds to tell me my bill will come in 1 to 2 weeks
>>16504408
So basically you can't move on for good.
I understand if it's hard, but you should focus on why you still wont forgive yourself or "having ruined a thing" in the past instead of focusing on the girl you are dating right now.
Do you feel bad because, ideally, you would have prefered to get with her instead of your current date girl? Or is it the fact that you fucked up in the past with her and you want to "fix" it by trying to contact her again etc?
If it's the former, realize things wouldn't work out with her because she's not interested, man up and move on.
If it's the latter, it's more complicated, because it' more a psychological thing rather than relatiknships 101. In this case you have to slowly, every day, gently force your mind to stop thinking about past mistakes and making decisions around them.
If this is a common theme in your life, not only about girls (revolving around your past mistakes and feeling guilty about them instead of just learning from them) some short therapy could do wonders.
>>16504426
If I were to be honest, it's a bit of both. I can't lie; I've been with a few girls but I really liked her. Still, I'm over her. I don't feel I'll be totally over her until I don't work with her anymore, but I've accepted that the circumstances don't allow for us to have a relationships.
The turmoil over my previous mistake is definitely the real problem. And I can confirm, I don't take mistakes lightly.
>>16504408
dude it's your current girlfriend who actually dates and acknowledges you or your coworker who doesn't want shit to do with you.
the choice isn't hard
>>16504437
Yeah but like I said, the problem isn't necessarily that I still want this girl, the problem is that she sort of represents a walking, talking reminder of a tragic lapse in judgment I made previously.
Like the other guy said, I've got my solution.
>>16504315
You can't. Don't try. I can't do it either.
What you CAN do is accept that you've suffered some setbacks, and are in the process of rebuilding. Other peoples' progress may indicate milestones ahead of you, but this doesn't mean you should already be there. You shouldn't. With the setbacks you've suffered, it would not make sense if you were there. As long as you are still moving forward, you are doing all right.
I don't know what your setbacks were, and I'm not sure how much it matters. They are in the past. They were done, and cannot be undone, and although there are almost certainly things you can learn from them, I can't know what they are. I wasn't there.
I realize this isn't the answer to your question. It's a different way forward. But honestly, most people can't handle the path you're trying to take.
by starting to actually make some fucking goals and achieving them, instead of wallowing in your own filth like most idiots
>>16505282
this x1000
