So, we always hear that if you're in a relationship with someone not so great, someone you see a a diamond in the rough, someone you want to fix up, that you should leave immediately because it will just be a toxic relationship. We are told you can't fix them and you need to find someone healthy.
So, first of all, if this is the case, then what happens to those people? Do they just forever drift from partner to partner, never being satisfied? Do they find someone who fixes them? Will they have to stay single until they fix themselves?
Is there no alternative? Can you really not fix them? What if you just..stay in their vicinity, stay around or in their life until they're better? Is that doable?
Secondly, why does one assume the other needs to leave as if they're healthy? Aren't they just as broken as the other? Because that's how the relationship is formed. Unhealthy people gravitate toward one another. Since this is the case, what happens to this person who ends up leaving? Also drifts from relationship to relationship, not being satisfied, wishing they never left the initial one?
>>17349265
>then what happens to those people?
They find people who are okay with those flaws and tolerate them. Or at least get stuck in a situation where neither can really leave. Or they just end up alone
>why does one assume the other needs to leave as if they're healthy?
People change. People's true colours emerge as you get to know them. The 'broken' person may have been able to hide their flaws until later on in the relationship. They may also be 'broken,' but not necessarily
And don't forget, people can improve. For example, if a girl leaves a guy because he's a manchild and no amount of her talking to him about it will make him change, then maybe the act of her leaving him over it will motivate him to change (or maybe he'll just mature). Things that happen in our lives affect us, and they may be a catalyst for us to improve where we previously though we didn't need to.
The whole "don't try to fix people" thing doesn't mean only perfectly healthy people can have relationships. That would mean virtually nobody can. It also doesn't mean you can't have a relationship with someone with issues. What it means is that you will have to deal with the problems that come with it. You have to accept that it might be they never change. And you need to be ok with that. This isn't easy depending on the issue. But those people telling someone in a relationship with a person with issues always forget that the other person most likely is equaly fucked up. Maybe not as obviously, but still. The advice means that you can't get into a relationship with someone with severe depression, expecting them to be full of energy and happyness and then get pissed at them when they don't. Or think that being with them will suddenly make them happy and healthy again. Or even worse, start making ultimatums like "either you start eating normaly or i'll leave". Sure, it might be that you have to leave because you can't handle the things coming with the issue. That's ok. But don't blame them for not "making an effort and change for me". People CAN'T change for someone else. And if they haven't had it in them to adress whatever they should on their own, your mere presence won't change that. It IS possible that being in a good relationship might give them strength and energy to slowly change things. But you can't EXPECT it.
>>17349276
Also, most of the time, those issues emerge only after being in a relationship for a while. That's why it's important to take things slow and not get married/move im/have kids immediately or you will be stuck in a relationship with someone that has issues you can't handle. It's also why it is so fucking important to not put up an act. If yoy don't show yoyr partner your "true colors", they can't make a conscious decision about being able to deal with the whatever issues you might have. I think this is the one reason most relationships fail
