my boyfriend doesn't put effort in. felt like this on and off throughout our almost year and a half relationship
he barely talks to me sometimes. sometimes he will go the entire day not talking to me.I'll text him and he barely responds. he never texts/calls me just to talk. whenever he's upset or stressed out he'll tell me, but he won't say why. it makes me feel like he's emotionally distant.
I was away for a week with family, when I came back i expected to see him a lot. I've been back for a week, I've seen him 3 times since but for all those times, we didn't see each other till 9pm or later, we basically just slept together. he made time for me on Saturday earlier, but I was looking for a second job and I couldnt hangout till 830, but he was hanging with his friends too and wanted to be w all of us not just me. even if I was free, I would have to hangout w them too
on the first night i came back, he demanded to see him when he got out of work at 12. I thought it was a bad idea, I should make him wait to see me during the day and spend time with me, but I missed him so I saw him. he asks me twice this week (on top of the other days I saw him to sleep) to sleep over when he gets out of work at midnight but I said no because I don't want him to supplement our time with sleeping together, and treat me like a booty call
he doesn't rally take me out much. sometimes it goes one month of us just chilling at his house not going anywhere. we haven't been on a date for weeks now, he doesn't make plans to. sometimes Hes sweet and a dream, but it doesn't last more than a week or 2.
I told him today I felt lonely. he said I was blaming it on him when it's my fault that we never hangout bc I wasn't free on Saturday (one day.and he was with his friends anyway)
i am lonely, spending all my days alone/with barely any communication
w him. I know I have other options out there and sometime it makes me mad bc I'm turning down other ppl for somethint unsatisfying (cont)
>>17349065
(cont)
I usually get rewlly attached to people after a while and it's hard for me to let go. i also don't want to regret anything.
we're going on vacation in two weeks, and he bought my plane ticket and is going to be paying for most of it since I haven't been getting hours at work. and I appreciate that but I feel like that doesn't mean in the meantime I should feel neglected/not cared for.
he also sleeps a lot and sometimes i think hes really doing other things and just doesn't want me to know so it seems like he spends most of his free time with me.
I'm really lonely and sad. I don't think I want to be with him anymore. what should I do?
>>17349069
If you don't want to be in a relationship, you don't have to be in the relationship. There's no reason you should ever feel forced to do something you don't enjoy.
also, I think I felt extra bad today because yesterday I asked when I Could see him again and he said today on his one hour break from work (which again, seems sleezy way to spend time with me) and he didn't even text me/ask me about it today. he didn't work till 4 either and makes no effort to see me before work ever. the excuse for the longest time has been that he's sleeping and doesn't text me till after he gets to work at 430, and I've been telling him lately, "wow. I feel like you sleep a lot. I don't think we've hung out/ice talked to you before like 5pm for a year" and since then he's been "awake" at like 12am ish. it just makes me feel like I said before; that's he's awake doing stuff wirh his friends and doesn't want me to know :/ I mean he told me recently he hung out w his friends fuck buddy and I just didn't get when bc I usually know what he's doing and he seems to never have time ..
>>17349077
Why do you feel obligated to stay in this relationship?
>>17349071
true.. I'm really unhappy and I feel like he holds me back and makes me sad and takes me for granted l, and I've felt like this on and off through our relationship
>>17349077
Why do you feel obligated to maintain this relationship? Aren't those supposed to feel fun?
>>17349081
I don't know. I'm scared if I break up with him it will be a mistake, scared that I'm overreacting and that it's not him or not me, although lately I've just sorta had enough. if we weren't going on vacation in two weeks I might have a chance that I would leave him sooner ...
he tells me he wants to marry me and stuff but why do I feel so empty/lonely/neglected
>>17349065
>>17349069
What do you do beside being in a relationship?
Do you have hobbies, friends?
Did you talk to him about your concerns?
>>17349082
Fuck, site made me think the last post didn't go through. If you honestly think he's holding you back and you've tried talking to him, there's no reason to give out a warning or anything. That's wasting precious time.
>>17349065
>my boyfriend doesn't put effort in
So he's like the average girlfriend.
Boohoo poor you.
>>17349086
I have a job, I only really have lke friend that lives here that i hang with, and I workout/take care of myself/go shopping have girly hobbies.
like I said I told him today that I felt lonely and sad, and he said don't be you have me and was comforting for like 2 minutes, then I said I wish you had more time for me and he got defensive and mad and said its my fault we barely hang out (because I couldn't hang out Saturday earlier..one day.. when he can never seee me besides to sleep)
>>17349090
yeha idk. how would I warn him? like I'd like to give him Another chance before I dump him, but this isn't the only time I've said hey, you haven't taken me out for a while or hey, I feel like we barely talk. so he kinda already knows this stuff and ignores it
>>17349098
Learn to stay alone and make new friends.
Volunteer, start learning something (how to play an instrument, how to cook or bake, whatever), read.
To me it seems like you two see each other more than enough and you're unhappy because he's your only source of entertainment.
In my opinion you can increase the quality of the time you spend with him, and learn to not feel "lonely and sad" just because you have to spend a couple of hours alone.
>>17349102
I mean I knw seeing him three times seems like a lot but we basically just slept together. it makes me feel like a booty call. why can't he spend time before work with me and take me out to lunch or go to the beach with me? a year ago, he made effort to see me before work even if it was for an hour. I feel like he spends the time with his friends now and pretends he's sleeping so it seems like be spends all his free time with me
and yeah I know I need more of my own life I'm trying to work on that... :/
>>17349106
Instead of complaining, why don't you ask him to do those things?
Ask him to go out for lunch or go to the beach. Without complaining. Just invite him.
>>17349112
I do! or at least I just started to. I guess testing him out, letting him see that he's making me feel lonely
I asked him today at 1 or whenever if he wants to go to the beach. he said he has to leave for work in two hours maybe another day
he says he can "maybe" see me tomorrow but has plans with his friends (likee they're gonna hang out alll day wtf? and telling me maybe is rude. for that I will make an excuse not to see him plus o might have to work anyway). and then he "has some time for me Wednesday". not "let's go on a date wed, I have alll day for you Wednesday" but "I have some
time for you Wednesday". makes me feel shitty
>>17349065
>be in relationship
>gf comes back home after 1 week
>want to see her the first day coz I missed her
>she sort of doesn't want to but still comes
>can't really meet up, only sleep together after work
> I have to work to pay for a trip I invite her to
>want to meet on saturday
>GF can only meet up in the late evening
>decide to hang with friends before because I don't wanna wait the whole day
>GF gets pissed when I tell her I hang with mates
>can't take her out because I work all day and save all the money for the trip I pay for her
>today she gets super pissed telling me she's lonely and how I suck as a bf
>mfw
>mfw I don't even have a face
>>17349129
OP sounds like this; Basically a stupid bitch not approving what her bf does and continuously nagging him. If I were him I would've dumped you a long time ago.
>>17349134
*appreciating
>>17349065
>>17349129
well I think he wanted to hang with all of us Saturday anyway even if I could hangout Earlier he didn't set the time for just me... it was his friends then me to join them.
and he has money saved he's not working extra or anytning.
and he goes out all the time with his friends etc but never takes me out.
>>17349120
There are more mature way of achieving your results than "testing" your boyfriend.
Why don't you try to be upfront?
"I'd like to spend more time with you outside, going out on a date instead of just chilling at home. Do you want to go to the beach? Even just a couple of hours is fine."
"Can we go out on a date Wednesday? We can go to X event"
"Would you mind if I spent more time with you and your friends? I get a bit lonely"
>>17349134
appreciating what he doesn't do anytning for me. I'm the one who goes to his work to spend time with him on his hour break, I drive to his house to seee him, he rarely picks me up/sleeps over mine. even tho he works right near my house hell make me drive to his to sleep over so I can drive myself home in the morning. yeah he's paying for most of our vacation butthat doesn't mean he has a free card to make me feel unloved
>>17349150
I have. whenever I confront him he gets defensive and blames it on me.
it's all about what he wants/when I basically have no say in what I want and have no needs . if I confront him I somehow end up at fault
>>17349160
Probably because you approach things wrong.
Don't complain. Never. Don't tell him "You don't do X for me, you make me feel like shit". Tell him "We should do X. When are you free to do it?".
Bring him a solution, tell him what you want. If he doesn't agree with it, then you ask him why he doesn't want to do so.
>>17349169
well I've tried that too. honestly
I asked him to the beach today and he said no
whenever I ask anything of him(which is rarely ) he says no.
one time during our whole relationship I asked if we could go to dinner at my favorite place soon. he said lets go tomorrow. tomorrow comes and he goes out for drinks/food with his friends and doesn't wanna go when he sees me.. and I didn't eat for hours and I was starving.
I don't even bother asking him much bc he doesn't agree. he's literally in control of everunfknf we do/when and I hAve no say desu.
and if I can't hangout on one day when he wants its suddenly my fault that we never see each other even though hes never available for me
>>17349179
Bring it up, set a plan, ask him to stick to the plan.
Do it more often.
Ask him to find a compromise between seeing you and his friend.
And keep working on having your own life.
>>17349189
I'm honestly sick of it and I just wanna leave him.
I literally feel so alone. when we aren't together he barely texts and never calls me. it's not really enough for me.
I literally tried for. a while but ice told him I need to do something with him at least once a week that isn't sleeping and Jusf with him. he's had his chances, I seriously wanna leave him he's too inconstant and there's other guys out there.
>>17349065
You sound like a guy.
Grow some ovaries.
I hate saying it but there's a good chance he's cheating.
>>17349203
Then leave him, why do you ask for advice when all you want to do is leave him?
To me it sounds like you're overreacting, but whatever.
>>17349212
why??
I'm in a similar situation, except I'm your boyfriend in this scenario, so i'll try to give you some perspective.
I don't have the mental capacity left after work to be able to put much time into the relationship. It's not that I don't love my girlfriend and care about her/how she's doing, but I just simply don't have it in me to be able to do much more than sleep and attempt to communicate.
I wouldn't automatically jump to assuming that he's cheating on you. Men do have a proclivity to switch off and not be affectionate when stressed (men are also not very affectionate/emotional/communicative from the start anyway).
I work hard to be able to support my current family and to be able to get an education; those things are always going to take precedent over my relationship. I can't change my entire life and schedule because my girlfriend wants to hang out, we hang out when we can, but I also need time to myself.
You need to communicate with your boyfriend, not attack him.
>>17349154
If you need attention just start cheating on him. In the mean time shut the fuck up and stop being such a drag. Jesus Christ you come off as a clingy nightmare you know that? Get it together, Betty.
>>17349065
Dear OP, I feel your feels except I am guy and have a girlfriend.
>>17349691
>the "all men are emotionally stunted" meme
Just like all women are whores, eh buddy?
>>17349705
Tip that fedora any harder and it might fall off.
>>17349144
>he wanted to hang with all of us Saturday anyway even if I could hangout Earlier he didn't set the time for just me.
>>17349065 (OP)
>he was hanging with his friends too and wanted to be w all of us not just me. even if I was free, I would have to hangout w them too
>>17349065
>my boyfriend doesn't put effort in.
>>17349065
>he doesn't make plans
>>17349069
>we're going on vacation in two weeks, and he bought my plane ticket
>>17349077
>I asked when I Could see him again and he said today on his one hour break from work
>>17349065 (OP)
>I told him today I felt lonely
Do you see a trend yet, OP? It seems like he wants to "hang out with you," but you just want to dominate his time and don't want to spend it with him and his friends ... do you have friends, at all? Doesn't sound like it.
>>17349711
I don't think you know what that meme is for...
OP you come across as a needy bitch.
Arrange some dates for you to do something, actually provide a solution/option instead of nagging at him.
And the fact that your already considering dumping him before really trying to sort it out means you should just go ahead and do it, instead of dragging it out.
he recently set his Instagram to private (there's a pic of us on it so it makes me wonder if he's trying to hide that from someone) and he listens to a song called "man on the side" so I started to feeling like he's cheating on me
