I just don't see how I'm supposed to get a girl to be interested in me. I feel as though it's a problem with my entire person, more than anything and I have no clue how to fix it.
>grew up not learning how to socialize properly. Parents kinda kept me closed off from the world
>not comfortable being direct with girls,because im afraid of being too forward
>I'm much more open and easier to talk to online and behind a screen rather than in person
>keep physicial contact with girls to a minimum unless it's warranted, such as a hug or something.
>Have no clue how to flirt,and im not funny alone. I need someone to play off of,if i'm to be funny
However, I am quite friendly to just about anyone I meet. Actually I found it quite surprising how easy it is to make friends, once college hit. I do have a bunch of female friends, But thats just it. It doesn't go any further than that. Nobody is ever interested in being more than friends with me. Everytime I ask someone out it's always something akin to "lets stay just friends." or some other excuse. Not sure if it's just me or I'm just looking at the wrong kind of girls. I'm just now finding out that i might actually be the only one out of my closest friends who wants to be in a relationship.
I dont know what to do here, I don't drink, smoke, or go out to clubs. I'm not opposed to hanging out with people who do that sort of thing, but I don't see myself associating with them regularly. Lately I've attempted to dress better, and i'm trying to get in shape, so that maybe I'll feel better about myself. Online dating in general is just unappealing to me. It seems so one sided, and I'm not that good at keeping their interest. Likewise, just meeting a random person I dont know anything about hardly keeps my interest either. I fear that if this keeps up, I won't find anybody after I graduate,because meeting people is only going to become harder, atleast for me,especially so in the field I'm majoring in.
If you try to get people interested in you, you'll end up always having to keep 'em that interested in you. Better let that happen naturally.
Besides, you seem like a genuinely nice person so it's probably not you. Just bad timing
Also ask yourself why'd you need a girl besides your fear of not finding any later on in your life?
>>17347668
Well, there is no set reason why I want one, I guess. I have a few reasons why I want one, some personal. But I guess I'd like to atleast know how to keep a gf and how to treat her right.
Suppose if i do meet the one someday? How will I know how to keep her interest, or even get her to like me in the first place? I'd hate to accidently make her hate me because of my inexperience.
That and I kind of feel a bit left out whenever, I'm around people talking about their love life, and especially so when I hear the two people in my group that are dating each other say how much they love each other. And I guess I dislike how my parents are always asking If i got a gf yet or something.
>>17347604
Its difficult but you have to take that step with girls that you like. You gotta make that jump from friends to more than friends. It's scary and you will probably fall a few times but the way you're doing it will always result in nothing. There will be awkward situations and lost friendships but that is the price a man must pay. Best of luck, anon.
>>17348093
Well first thing is you gotta stop focusing on them and focus on yourself. What do you like to do? What are some of your interests? Anything you can do in a group?
Find like minded people like yourself though your interests.
>>17348115
I mean I'm not exactly original.
I just like video games and watching my favorite TV shows. I'm also studying to be an animator. My interests include dancing,comics,movies, and a whole slew other stuff. I notice I easily get absorbed into whatever catches my interest,which is how I ended up majoring in animation. I'm likely to hop between interests frequently.
I guess you could say I did find like minded people, as they do like what I like. I remember one of them talking about how she doesn't believe in love and how the girl I liked at the time never was interested in anybody before, which made me realize that may very well be the only one out of all them interested in romance.
>>17348160
>dancing
That's big anon, a who can dance or at least truly enjoys it has a much higher chance, when dancing at least.
>>17348171
well it's not like I have anywhere to show it off,really. I don't really go around telling people that, and there's not a lot of opportunites I've had.
An average day for me and my friends is that we spend most of our time watching movies and playing video games, or we spend all day at the computer lab working on our animation work,
>>17347604
You sound almost exactly like me man. I do not drink or smoke. I spend time with those who do, but not frequently. I assume it's because our idea of a "good time" is different.
I would rather chill on the beach or go for a nice bike ride. Dance to music without needing alcohol to let me loosen up.
I had someone the other day tell me she's surprised I can't get a girlfriend. She said I seem like a real catch. Another friend told me she knows plenty of guys who are very out together and attractive but can't get girlfriends. I've had women tell me I'm manly, cute, funny, etc. All the different things that make a guy attractive. Still, I am alone. Your situation is very similar.
What type of women grab your interest? What do you look for in a prospective partner?
>>17348344
for a long term partner, I'd like somebody who's a bit more social than I am, shares some of my interests, or atleast is willing to try them now and then. Maybe somebody open to new experiences and stuff. Somebody I could consider my equal. She know things, I know things, we can show each other things we didnt know before. Somebody I could journey with I guess. They could take charge when i'm not there or if i'm not able to. I'd prefer a non smoker/non-drinker, but thats not a complete dealbreaker.
But looking at all the women I've asked out so far, I notice im really into quiet girls that are more or less more talkative than I am,that share my hobbies. They tend to be the type that would rather stay inside instead of going out and doing whatever they find interesting. Usually seem kind of the nerd,sometimes weeaboo type.
I'm not good at describing people and how they act. As it seems, I'm just not good enough for any of them. Every girl I've asked doesn't seem to be interested in anybody else romantically.
>>17348477
same here man. It's hard I know. Girls I talk to say they just want to be single and have friends. Usually that is code for "I think I can do better than you so I am going to wait". But it's their loss, really.
How old are you? A lot of people these days seem uninterested in real relationships. They are either afraid of just don't want them. Then there are others who want it to fall into their lap so they don't have to actually try. Its meh.
>>17348515
20, turn 21 in august.
>>17348533
Well you've got time. Girls your age are young and don't know what they want.
Bumping because holy smokes this is relevant.
Same again: don't drink, don't smoke, bars/clubs are unappealing to me, so is online/app dating. I am well liked by my few close friends but that is all I've ever had. Friends. Now I'm being an adult and wanting something more. I'm very shy.
I'm
>>17347668
OP, I know it might sound really counterintuitive, but it really doesn't matter how much experience you have, unless you're going for a number. It's more or less a natural thing and you just have to go with the flow. More or less all experience has exceptions. I used to read so many books with advice such as no more mr. nice guy and models by mark something, and in the end I realized you just need a sane, reasonable head on your shoulders. That's all. Go with the flow and when you find that one special person, you'll also find the strenght to push beyond your anxieties
If I were a girl, I'd be all over you just because of your character; I'm dead tired of smokers/drinkers and I'd love a down to earth normal everyday person who doesn't need to be out partying 24/7.
>>17347604
>>17349882
> I'm dead tired of smokers/drinkers and I'd love a down to earth normal everyday person who doesn't need to be out partying 24/7
fuckin this, m8y. this. as a lady, i can confirm this. Also, my (probably closest) friend made me realise that the wait for finding someone you truly care about as much as they care for you is worth it (i'm hoping). Don't waste your time with shit heads.
>>17347604
>Everytime I ask someone out it's always something akin to "lets stay just friends." or some other excuse. Not sure if it's just me or I'm just looking at the wrong kind of girls.
This right here. Stop asking out friends. If you want to involve your friends in relationships, keep it to something like: "hey, im looking for a girlfriend, you got any friends you think i'd like?"
In the meantime, keep working on yourself.
>>17349909
>Also, my (probably closest) friend made me realise that the wait for finding someone you truly care about as much as they care for you is worth it (i'm hoping).
>Don't waste your time
This 100%
OP at 20/21 years old you are very young. People at your age don't know what they want. They also tend to prioritize feelings of sexual attraction over all else when searching for a partner. This is why relationships start and go out like fireworks all the time. This is why people hook up once or twice and never talk to each other again. Relationships with very strong chemistry/sexual attraction do not last long. During this age most people don't care. Not much can be done about it.
At around the mid-twenties mark people start changing. Their requirements for a partner stop being "be attractive" and start being "have character, and have your shit together". You stop caring about how tall they are, how big their boobs are, how well they dress, and start caring about compatibility, and their ability to function properly in a relationship.
tl;dr the majority of young people don't know what they want, they're obsessed with "attraction" and don't care much about anyone but themselves. Hang in there. It gets better.
