Hello /adv/
I'm a little more than 27 and in all these years before some weeks ago all my romantic history was that just dateing a girl once some years ago but nothing came out of it. All my focus was on studying and working.
A few weeks ago a very good female friend of mine broke with her boyfriend (a long relationship 2.5+ years) and was very sensitive. She then proposed to move with me. I accepted just thinking of her as a friend in need (call me Captain Oblivious here).
To give you some context I know her for a couple of years and we can talk for hours like old ladies. She is cute, smart and has a heart of gold.
As I'm not used to living together with other people we decided to have a transition step in which she came to have dinner to my house some days in the week while she stayed temporaly with some friends.
On Monday night we cook together, it was innocently fun like other occassions when we have done that same thing.
On Wednesday it was her birthday and she choosed to have dinner with me so I bought a little cake and tried to cheer her up. After dinner we talked and laughed till 3am. On many occasions we have been talking for hours long but this time it was different, there was a closeness that wasn't there before. Anyway when she was about to go to sleep on the sofa she was doubtful, I asked why and she told me she had "dark thoughts" after insisting a bit she said she was thinking to tell me to sleep in the sofa with her. Thinking it was a joke I laughed and went to my own bed.
The following day she left and I was confused. I have feelings for this girl before but didn't understand what was going on.
At the first hour of the day of my birthday (Saturday of the same week) she messaged me. After a very long exchange (till 3am again) I got to undestand that she wanted to come to my house but it was too late although it ended with a hopeful tone (now call me the town fool).
On a party on the same day (held on her brother's house where she was staying now) after all the guests left except me she told me her feelings for me which she have been having for a long time even before the breakup. To say the least I was like a fish out of the water in this situation. Long story short we ended up making out (I have no idea what I'm doing). We would have gone further if I have had some idea of this kind of things and if the goddamn cats weren't making so much noise (risking to wake up the hosts).
The next day she told me she was a mess, in a good part because she wasn't over the breakup yet and didn't want to have anything physical o emotional with anyone but at the same time wanted to keep in touch with me.
The following week I invited her to have dinner again given how nice it was the last time but she refused, said it was to much. A couple of days later I realized that she thought that the dinner was an excuse for going to bed with her.
On sunday of that week I had some kind of overworking collapse. Not in the best of moods and with my head made a mess I called her, and told her that we shouldn't talk for some indefinite amount of time. She had to study for her exams on the following two weeks so at first I thought what I did was right also in that sense. I felt terribly bad, cried a lot, got drunk and went to sleep.
Again very very late I realized my mistake (aparently captain Oblivious is also an asshole) so a couple of days later (on Friday) I called her to clear things up. She failed an exam because of me. She wasn't mad but sad. We talked about many things and thought that everything was fine.
I knew that the following week (last week) she was also having some exams so I waited till Thursday to send her a message to see how she was doing. After 3hs of chatting she commented that she was happy that I didn't hate her anymore (Good Lord, How can I not fuck it up for once?). I told her that I never hated her and the conversation moved on.
[Aspie award goes here]
I really like this girl and want to make her happy. As far as I know her previous boyfriend was kind of a manchild who couldn't boil an egg of whom she took care and the one before a sociopath.
I'm planning to invite her to have tea, a walk around a park or something and just talk like we used to and see what happens. This time I will be extra cerefull not to screw it up like I did so many times before.
What do you think about this /adv/? What would you do in my place?
Other details: I guess I'm lucky on every other respect as long as it doesn't have anything to do with relationships. I'm smart in a nerdy way, fit and kind of good looking. Also I have good job. I just don't seem to have any grasp of people and even less of relationships as you can see.
Man you gotta shorten this shit up man, but since you wrote so much, you deserve some attention haha.
anyway, sounds like you two definitely have a connection, but you need to make sure you keep your intentions clear. I think you're dangerously close to friendzoning yourself, even if you have kissed. I'm not saying try and sleep with her ASAP, that's probably a bad idea, but make your intentions known.
It sounds like you care about her and you should make it clear. That being said, when you do this, you are going to be risking putting her off... But that's a risk you have to take my friend. You wanna be with her. So unless she's willing to stop pussyfooting and take you seriously, you need to have the balls to walk away from a failed prospect.
Don't be a woman's lap dog and chase her forever if she's not going to reciprocate.
