So I've been together with my new boyfriend for a little over a month now, and while that's a really short time, I feel like we've really connected. We can talk about everything honestly and openly, and we help and support each other. I'm usually a pretty guarded person and right now, he's the second closest person to me emotionally – only my little sister comes first.
The problem in our relationship lies in the bedroom. Simply put, he has problems staying hard when we try to do it. (When it comes to actual intercourse, we're both each other's firsts.) He keeps telling me about how it looks so much easier in porn, how this makes him feel like he's somehow lacking as a man, and about how he's so used to watching porn and jacking off that that's the natural way for him to get hard. It makes me feel so unattractive watching my guy get limp right in front of me when we're in bed. (Though to be frank, I'm not very into it either at times... I have a really low sex drive.)
He's said he finds me really cute both with clothes and without and sure enough, I have a cute face, good skin and hair – I know because people compliment me on them and because I have good genes in general. The problem is my body. I'm really self-conscious about it. I'm not even overweight at all, in fact I'm close to my ideal weight atm. It's just that I used to weigh A LOT more, and it has left some marks on my body, most notably a flabby belly pouch that I just can't seem to get rid of and that I've complained about to my boyfriend any number of times. Also, my boobs are miniscule and frankly, kind of deformed. And of course my boyfriend is a boob man...
Cont.
The thing is, intellectually I'm aware that it probably isn't about my body. It could be any number of things: his nervousness due to inexperience, lack of sensitivity because of he underwent a circumcision in his teens (not common in my country), all the fumbling with the condoms and about which hole is the right one, pain due to the tightness of my vagina, my low sex drive, his being too tired after hitting the gym, his masturbating too much... there are a lot of reasons. And we've already come so close to managing it, and I just know we will in time. It just makes me feel so bad when he tells me he's afraid that my body's the problem that I always burst into tears when we talk about it. I'm already self-conscious as hell about my body. He's also said he things it's probably something other than that, though.
But yesterday he also told me that he's willing to try for a while longer, but if the sex doesn't work out, then he'll probably have to leave me even though he finds me cute and feels like we have good communication and a great emotional connection and loads of things in common. Made me feel like shit, to be honest.
Cont.
He also told me that he really likes me, but doesn't feel like he loves me or anything, and that's he's only loved once: his first girlfriend who left him when he was 18. He's been telling me about how he still cries over her when drunk, and how she dumped him for “a manlier man” and how traumatizing that breakup was for him. He didn't date for years after that. Well, I told him I believe that love only comes after you've known each other for a longer time, and when he said he almost immediately loved his first, I told him it was probably just infatuation because he was so young and inexperienced. Yeah,I know it's a clear sign that he's emotionally a bit immature... but I feel like I can help him grow as a person, just as he has helped me. Don't get me wrong: he's a wonderful guy who's committed to his hobbies and self-improvement, but still finds the time for me. He's honest but considerate, and kind but not a doormat. He's so different from the guys I've dated before, all of whom lacked any kind of backbone or self-esteem. Honestly, I like him and respect him. I want to make this right. But how should I do it?
never point out your flaws when you're with bf
act like you're perfect and a guy will blindly believe it
You'll learn.
>>16503077
> he still cries over her when drunk
kill yourself
>>16503081
Too late now, or?
>>16503092
No.
He can't love you now, so forcing him will do you no good. But hey at least you know you can dump him for a manlier man, traumatize him and ruin his next relationship. kek
>>16503077
hey OP i think you are a cool girl from what you are writing!
my thoughts:
1) he is honest (too honest for both of yours own good) which is a plus
2) i think his erection problems derive from stress/anxiety. DESU i do not think "not hot enough for a boner" exists (apart from maybe some horrendous looking girls)
3) he comes off as a bit immature as you said as being with someone is more than just sex (which of course is a big part, not denying that) so i do not understand why he is pushing the sex issue so much. You both get along well and can just hang out with each other for how long you like if you enjoy each others company. Im pretty sure eventually his erections would return to normal.
> I told him I believe that love only comes after you've known each other for a longer time, and when he said he almost immediately loved his first, I told him it was probably just infatuation
you are absolute right OP.
i'd argue it doesnt matter what you feel or how the name you give your feelings as long as you enjoy each others company.
love, liking, infatuation etc. it doesnt matter what it is if you "like" each other.
>>16503067
>I've been together with my new boyfriend for a little over a month now
> I feel like we've really connected
it is normal for a guy who just masturbated all the time, we can not realize but in my first experience with real women, i felt like ohh there are so big differences between sex with partner and your hand, it was like black and white so i really understand what your boyfriend feeling, it is not even about you
>>16503067
The porn is what's making him not get it up. It's the sad world we live in.
>>16503134
This is it kek
>>16503159
>The porn is what's making him not get it up.
nonsense
You sound like a really nice girl and i think you deserve better than him, but if you are willing to make it work, i can only wish you the best luck. ;D
>>16503180
No it isn't
Maybe he is a kek.
Why don't you try and cheat on him?
>>16503129
Well, he did say he read somewhere that if the sex part won't work out, then the whole relationship is doomed to fail or something like that. Not sure if that's it. I tried to explain that sex shouldn't be a dealbreaker as long as we like each other, and that intercourse isn't even mandatory, but it just seems so damn important to him to have a "normal sex life".
>>16503067
You're not the problem. The problem is him jacking off to porn all the time. If he is doing this then he is lacking as a man.
