Mono/Poly relationship

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Mono/Poly relationship 2016-07-06 23:02:55 Post No. 17331640
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Mono/Poly relationship 1 2016-07-06 23:02:55 Post No. 17331640 [Report]

I need some advice and this is one of the few places I know where to go for it.
So my gf is polyamorous while I am not and because her feelings for others had been bothering her for a while I decided to let her date others but I don't actually really feel comfortable with it. It hurts to see someone I loved for so long and who actually helped build me up and love me go on and love someone else. And my thoughts and emotions are having a fun time with jealousy and anxiety.
One reoccurring thought in my head is "She's not yours anymore and you shouldn't be doing the things you did with her anymore" and with that I guess I haven't been trying to do anything sexual with her and I feel a bit sad and try not to do anything too romantic with her and I don't because I feel like she's not mine and that I don't deserve to be with her. Another thought is "You're just a glorified friend" and one other is "She's replacing you". I feel that if I don't do romantic or sexual things she's going to just replace me but I already do feel replaced. I love her a lot and I'm afraid my emotions and thoughts are going to make me push myself away from her.
I don't want to seem controlling or anything like that and I certainly don't want to fuck it up or abuse her but I just don't really like knowing that the one I love is out with another person or persons. It hurts so much and I know that we're probably really incompatible but I want so desperately to make things work. I also feel like my thoughts and feelings are taking quite a toll on my emotional health and self esteem. I feel like a selfish monster for wanting her to myself and I feel like I'm so undeserving of her love. I should be happy because I have her and I'm still in a relationship with her but I just can't be knowing and feeling like she's not mine.
Many have told me that we should break up and many have called me a cuck but I just really want advice on how I can make things work.
What can I do?

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Anonymous 2016-07-06 23:23:28 Post No.17331676
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Anonymous 2016-07-06 23:23:28 Post No.17331676 [Report]

>>17331640

Paragraphs, motherfucker, paragraphs.

This is the absolute worst board to ask questions about anything concerning a non-monogamous relationship.

This board is populated with:

1. A bunch of wounded, angry males who feel a lot of anxiety over self-percieved shortcomings in their romantic life and sex life, and who are boiling with venom in an attempt to conceal it.
2. A bunch of insecure virgin males who feel a lot of anxiety about being virgins in a world where their worth feels tied to their sexual prowess, and who are eager to put down others for being sexual failures on some way so as to draw attention away from themselves.
3. Trolls pretending to be 1. or 2.
4. A smattering of helpful people.

Go ask another board. Here you will only get flamed and flayed by pinheads.

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Anonymous 2016-07-07 02:07:00 Post No.17332180
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Anonymous 2016-07-07 02:07:00 Post No.17332180 [Report]

if it doesnt give you dignity then dont do it.

she wont change for you.

dont willingly lead yourself into a life of unhappiness and shame

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Anonymous 2016-07-07 02:11:41 Post No.17332191
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Anonymous 2016-07-07 02:11:41 Post No.17332191 [Report]

>>17331676
Not really. His last thread had genuine advice from a lot of people, but he doesn't want to leave her.

They just seem fundamentally incompatible. He can't change her, and I doubt he can force his feelings/values to change. That will only lead to failure.

OP, the only way to possibly go about this is to sit down with her and tell her all of this honestly. Tell her everything here that you've told us. And then you both have to try and find a compromise that leaves both of you happy.