a) That teacher should mind their own fucking business. Your kid has had a rough time.

b) She does have to grow out of it eventually, maybe start encouraging her into her own bed.

>>17327690
It looks a little sketchy but it genuinely sounds like you just care about your daughter.

I would let her grow out of it at her own pace. She suffered something traumatic and awful- losing a mother and being uprooted to live with someone she's never met before. If it makes her happy, then let her.

I would ask her if she wants to sleep in her own room, but also let her know she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. Let her decide. Don't let strangers decide for you.

I mean I wouldn't really go around telling people "yeah I sleep with my daughter" but it's not really something to hide either.

Also, kudos to you for being a really great dad. Keep it up.

>>17327703
I actually cant be mad at the teacher, because she had my daughters best interests at heart. As for encouraging her to sleep in her own bed, should i start now, or wait a little while more?

>>17327705
>I would ask her if she wants to sleep in her own room
She has her own room, and she knows that it is normally where she is supposed to sleep, but most of the time she just comes right to my bed when it is bed time, and the few times that i get her to sleep in her room, she will almost sneak in at night and i will find her sleeping there when i wake up.

Yeah probably start trying to wean her off and sleeping on her own. 7 is still pretty young is it's not too weird or anything. If she turns 10 and is still sleeping with you, that's when I'd start to say it's a bit too old. So just try and wean her off.

>>17327703
This so much. But on b) I'd like to add, you can cuddle your daughter in her own bed until she falls asleep, then get up and sleep in your own bed. It's the best solution, they really need those few minutes of the day for your parent child relationship. Do not only cuddle but tell good night stories or talk about how your day was, or talk about anything that interests her

>>17327728
So let her sneak in, you know you can't control that.

I think >>17327738 is a good idea, and if she so happens to sneak in, that's fine. But keep going with it, gently ease her out of the habit.

>>17327690
>be me

Your child should be taken into the care.

>>17327735
I'll try easing her into it now, i'm thinking if she still wont sleep in her room when she is 8 or 9 that is when i will have to be more serious in my efforts.
>>17327738
>>17327750
>I'd like to add, you can cuddle your daughter in her own bed until she falls asleep, then get up and sleep in your own bed.
This is definitely how i will try to ween her off. If she wants to follow me still, i wont force her to stay, but maybe it will get her to be more comfortable on her own.

>>17327690
So far the only thing I can add to this thread is that if this goes on much longer or if your daughter has a hard time transitioning to her own bed you should think about having your daughter talk to a behavioral therapist.

It's not bad that she sleeps in your bed, but at this point it could start affecting her behavioral development and she could grow up a bit weird (and thus at a social disadvantage).

I was about that age when i had to stop sleeping in the same bed as my dad.
He told me it was because people would say bad things.
It made me very sad but i got over it.

People will assume because you're a man you're fiddling with your kid, which is fucking stupid.
The best idea is probably to have her start sleeping in her own bed more often then working it out to a point where she no longer sleeps in your bed.

Its unfair and im sorry but it's probably best for you both.

>>17327801
Are you a boy or a girl? It seemed like the reason the teacher thought it looked bad was because i am a relatively young guy without a wife and taking care of a little girl on my own.

>>17327790
>I'll try easing it into her now
That's not going to make things any better OP.

>>17327836
Why not?

I didn't stop sleeping with my parents until I was twelve, and I turned out okay and CPS didn't bust down our door. If you care that much, just make her sleep in her own bed, for fuck's sake.

>>17327814
Both me (a girl) and my little brother had to stop sleeping in dads bed.

I don't personally see anything wrong with it but other people are not so open minded.
It will be because you're single and a man, people may look at it like its fishy and its no fault of your own.
You're daughter might mention she sleeps with dad to her friends(harmlessly) and a friend will try it with their patents and say 'but anon sleeps with her daddy'. Overreactive patent #1 will think its bad and make a big deal.

Its a shitty situation but i fear weaning her to her own bed sooner than later is best for both of you.

Fuck these people.

Raise your kid how you want.

>>17327848
I honestly dont care on my own, she could sleep with me forever. But i dont want problems to arise with overreactive parents, cps or cause some kind of psychological issue.
>>17327850
Thanks. I wasnt sure if it was just because i'm a single man raising a daughter or if it would have happened if i had a son as well.

>>17327708
Gonna preface this by saying I don't personally have kids.

But I think maybe you should casually suggest it and then see if it'll happen naturally rather than try to force it. It's possible she may suddenly want to just do it on her own when she hits a new wanting to act grown up phase.

I hated moving out of sleeping in my brother's room when I was little and my parents put us in different rooms, but I think by the time I was twelve or so I would have been demanding my own space anyway.

>>17327690
This is very american culture

>>17327708
Could you put a little bed for her in your bedroom? So you still sleep in the same room but not in the same
Bed?

>>17327871
Yeah, i can probably do that. The bed she has now is probably small enough that i can move it into my room.

First off, your daughter has experienced a trauma and has a very hard time letting go off you, afraid that you too will disappear from her life. She will need to develop mentally a few years before her defensive systems cool off. That said, I recommend that you talk to a professional pedagogue or psychologist about how to proceed. This is a very serious matter regarding the emotional development of your daughter, and you ought not to leave it up to amateurs.
Also consider explaining the matter to her teacher, so that she doesn't call child services to kidnap your daughter.

>>17327871
Best advice ever. This is how you make it work.

>>17327728
That is very cute. Do whatever you want. Shes your daughter, not theirs. Also try to cuddle in her room and let her fall asleep. You sneak in your room after couple of hours

>>17327871
This is a good idea. Move her bed to your room for a while, and make her sleep in her own bed next to you. Then after a year, buy her a big new bed as a present in her own room and get rid of the old one.

Cimbine
>>17327871
With
>>17327738

Eventually, move the bed in her room but keep up the cuddling.

>>17327864
Yeah, in lots of other places families share beds all the time. Hippies sometimes still do it purposefully in America from birth and call it "co sleeping," but everyone acts like it's dangerous and creepy.

I always thought it was funny that I grew up in a society that expected me to sleep alone in a bed and a bedroom all to myself for some 18+ odd years, but then sometime in my twenties everyone started expecting me to get married and immediately start sharing a bed with somebody else for the rest of my life. And when I did move in with a partner and sharing a bed with them, that shit seriously sucked.

>>17327887
That sounds good I think

>>17327904
That made me laugh.
We cosleep, until baby got old enough to roll off the bed.

>>17327997
I would also recommend that you do as previously mentioned; snuggle her into sleep in her own bed before leaving to yours, and when you eventually get her a new bed in her own room, you continue the practice of snuggling her to sleep in her own bed before you head for yours. She NEEDS you to be there for her, otherwise she can't find rest.

>>17327703
Teachers are obligated to investigate into the well-being and safety of their pupils in case of concern. At least in my country.
t. teacher

OP, just spend time with her in her room. Read to her, set up a routine where you do comforting things, then set her in her own bed. Maybe with a big stuffed animal that she can hug.

>>17327904
>>17327999

I hate doing one of these "my aunt's friend's cousin's" things, but my aunt does have a friend who accidentally killed her baby through cosleeping. Suffocated him in her sleep. He was four months old. Breaks my damn heart, and scared me good.

It is dangerous when they're young, though there are precautions you can take. However, a baby that sleeps in the same room as the parent is less likely to die of SIDS.

What I did was I got an Arm's Reach cosleeper. It's like a bassinet that attaches securely to the side of the bed. All the benefits of sharing a room, none of the risks of sharing a bed.

>>17328033
Is op sleeping with his daughter really something that should be a red flag for a kids saftey?

>>17328033
What country is that?

Honestly, I wouldn't put 2 cents to what anyone other than your own conscious has to say about it. Look at it from the very root of humanity; you are the rock for this child. You are all she has, regardless of her friends at school, you're the one she feels safe with. I can't even imagine the kind of emotional anguish and turmoil the both of you have gone through with the passing of your wife, but the reality is that, regardless of the current social trends, you should always be there for your offspring and if that means that she spends the night in your bed, then boo fucking hoo to the establishment. Fucking hell, I'd rather die than see the day that your own offspring are separated from you because of some shitty teachers suggestion of what the true norms are.

>>17328313
>passing of your wife
After reading the OP, I kinda don't think he was married.
>get a letter that i may have a 3 y/o daughter, whose mother just passed away
>picture of girl makes it kind of obvious she is mine, paternity test confirms
>decide to take her in

>>17328341
She was not my wife. In fact, i hardly knew her.

>>17328341
Although i an thankful for your concern.

>>17327690
Anon, listen to the LawFag. Firstly, what country are you in? If you're in the US, what state?

>>17328385
United States, new york.

>>17328387
OK. I'm a family lawyer from Canada. The child protection laws in Canada and in the US are similar. I've worked on child protection cases which straddled the border. I know what I'm talking about here, so pay attention please.

Firstly, you're obviously a very caring dad and you're doing a hell of a job. Yes, in the perfect world everyone who doesn't understand the situation should go pound salt. But we don't live in a perfect world.

I know that you don't want to hurt or stress out the girl, and that she doesn't understand why you have to start weaning her out of this habit. But you have to. It's for her own good, and yours.

As others here have observed, if she tells a friend or a friend's parents what's going on in all innocence, and they are busybodies, they'll call the child welfare authorities and police straight off. Then you might find that the child and you are questioned by social workers. Worst case scenario, you get a white knight social worker who assumes that the worst is happening and then the child is in foster care and you have to fight to get her back. Don't let this happen. Is it likely? Probably not, but it could and that would surely suck.

Also, keep in mind that while 7 is still a "little girl", they can get their onset of menses early. At age eight isn't unheard of. You certainly don't want to be in the same bed if she's fertile.

She's probably got attachment issues with the sudden loss of her mother. That's understandable, and so is that she wants to sleep in your bed. But this cannot continue, you know this. And anons here at 4chan, most can't give you advice. How many have kids? How many are autists?

You should thank the teacher for bringing this to your attention. The teacher could have, and perhaps should have, called child protection right away but the teacher instead took the time to gently inquire as to whether there was reason to be concerned, and to let you know that this is an issue....

>>17328413
Thank you, i will take that under consideration.

>>17328413
So you should frankly be thankful to the teacher. Anons who tell you that teacher should mind their own business, don't listen. It is the teacher's business and obligation to report any child protection concern to the authorities.

The best advice I've seen on this thread is that you explain to the girl that she's growing up and even though you don't have a problem with her sleeping in your bed, that she's becoming a big girl and needs to start sleeping on her own. At night, read to her and cuddle if you wish in her bed, then leave when she's asleep. If you try that and it doesn't work, then put her bed in your room, and tell her she has to sleep in it but that you're right there of course. After a bit of that, move the bed into her room.

The child could certainly use some counselling on this attachment issue. As well, maybe there's something in her room that's freaking her out. Ask her. Maybe it's got pictures of mom? While you want to keep mom's presence in the girl's life, having pictures in her room might be a bad idea for now because it's freaking her out a little bit.

tl;dr You're a good dad doing a tough job, but this situation needs attention and can't continue, or else you risk the authorities getting involved.

>>17328413
>You certainly don't want to be in the same bed if she's fertile.

If he's not screwing her, why would her fertility make a difference?

Like, do social workers or legal professionals actually ask young girls if they've had their periods in cases of suspected abuse, and then seriously judge the parents' behavior more harshly based on that?

> And anons here at 4chan, most can't give you advice. How many have kids? How many are autists?

How do we know you're really a lawyer?

I do think you're probably more informed on the legal sides of the issue than, say, I am, but discrediting the parenting advice of all of the other anons in the thread because you claim to be a lawyer and assume they are autistic is a bit conceited of you.

>>17328442
I didn't say "all anons", you dimwit. Don't attack me, my adiviceis solid. And I cited the good advice contained in this thread. I don't need to prove to you that I'm a lawyer. What I wrote should make it clear that I know what I'm talking about.

I've done child protection work as part of my family law practise for twenty years. So eat me.

Yes, it makes a difference if the child is having her menses. In the minds of many, that means she's not really a child any more. And it's a question of cummunity standards, you dummy. While many parents would say it's fine to have your children in your bed, a lot of those parents would say that a girl shouldn't be sleeping with her single father once she's had her period. Whether I believe that, or you in particular, isn't the issue.

Am I conceited? Maybe. But I don't care what you think. I care what OP thinks. I do this for a living so I'm not "conceited", but rather confident and informed.

>>17328424
My third post to you Anon, and then I'll stop unless you reply to me directly.

Consider that your daughter, if she never sleeps in her own room, doesn't really consider it "her room". An idea might be if you take a weekend and redecorate it with her, paint and wallpaper and Disney stickers or whatever, in a style she picks out and likes. Help her make it "her space".

>>17328468
I do think your advice is solid, but there was no call for saying that most people here can't give advice, especially when in your very next post you agreed with the most popular advice in the thread.

And I was asking the question about judging the situation based on the state of the child in question's reproductive system seriously, not trying to bring you down there.

>>17328488
Your advice is defintely helpful, and i will keep your suggestions and warnings in my head, thank you.

>>17328497
If you look at many of the posts, they are stupid or ignorant, and could have steered OP very wrong. So I charged in because this is very important to OP. It's not a hurr durr thread. This is a specifc problem with potentially serious consequences, involving the authorities.

Yes, I agreed with the best advice here. But I explained why. And I explained why menses in the girl is an issue.

In a situation this serious, yes. I believe that very few people here are qualified to actually help. So I was relatively dismissive for good reason.

I'm not butthurt that you appeared to be bringing me down. But challenging me, when gave 100% rock solid advice, isn't helping OP.

>>17328051
Good post, Anon. Co-sleeping might sound good, but it's a bad idea. I've worked on three cases where a parent smothered a child to death in their bed. It happens, probably more than you think, especially when a sympathetic cop or social worker or coroner calls it SIDS rather than what it really is: negligence causing death.

>>17328413
>>17328428
This is making me fucking cringe that he could be taking what you're saying seriously.

If you do get a knock from someone you just tell them to fuck right off.

>>17327690
In my 20s I would still run over to my parents' bed in the mornings. Family is family. The teacher sounds like liberal scum trying to destroy the concept of the family. I bet if your daughter had 2 moms that teacher wouldn't care. I'd sue for discrimination.

>>17328562
You're a fucking dildo. You're stating the most obvious thing in the world and patting yourself on the back for it every post. Most everyone in this thread knows all the things you said.
Yes, if things go wrong, OP can get into trouble. That's not what this thread is about. This thread is about how he should balance things, because his child has much more troubled circumstances than most, how much should he sacrifice the happiness of the child just for the sake of being safe from legal threats. And then you barge in and talk about the legal dangers and give the most obvious advice of "just don't do it". You didn't need to write all these conceited posts to say that. And the teacher was way overstepping their role, calling in parents for questioning and assuming the worst just because they sleep with the child. Legally, no, but they're certainly helping foster the retarded attitude surrounding child protection.

7 years is not old at all, let her sleep with you. Man, I've slept with my mother until my fucking 12th, because people like cuddling up with eachother, and not because I'm damaged in the fucking head.

>>17329491
*I mean not like every fucking day but whenever we felt like it, probably once or twice a week, yeah. I have 2 parents, and I just like sleeping in my parents' bed because it's delightful.

à̴̵̶̷̸̡̢̧̨̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̣̤̥̦̩̪̫̬̭̮̯̯̰̱̲̳̹̺̻̼͇͈͉͍͎́̂̃̄̅̆̇̈̉̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̽̾̿̀́͂̓̈́͆͊͋͌̕̚͠͡ͅ

my cousin is 14 and going on a summer euro trip on her own

she still sleeps with her mom and grandma when she can

she has a rare leukemia like disease so it's hard to judge her but i've learned to be more lenient with everyone who sleeps with their kids since knowing her

>>17328033
this is actually true, in America at least, it applies to child abuse, not just simple bruises on the skin but also other things that point to a bad family life, teachers will report that shit to their superiors.

>>17328051
>but my aunt does have a friend who accidentally killed her baby through cosleeping.
>>17328686
>Co-sleeping might sound good, but it's a bad idea.
I have to tell you I've got three little kids. I've breastfed all of them and at first I had all of those fears too. With my first baby I didn't co-sleep but after I gained trust in my motherly skills I did nurse them in bed at night and fell asleep/co-slept with them.
I have to tell you that it was the best thing ever for me. Comfortable and I didn't have extra stress when the baby finally fell asleep and as I've tried to put it in their own bed, it woke up and cried all night long.
To be honest I can't understand how parents can suffocate their own infants to death.
As a mother i do have a very light sleep to begin with, even when dead tired and as soon as I'm even near the baby I can not fall asleep/sleep peacefully. Either I need to turn on the lower end of the bed (we have a king size one and I'm only 5'2 so there's plenty space) or I wake up a few minutes later because I didn't move an inch while sleeping in awkward positions and everything hurts. It's the same with my husband.
Just my two cents. So don't scare off people from co-sleeping. Because with my kids I'd have maybe tossed them into a corner with the lack of sleep and frustration, from trying to put them into their own bed but having them wake up every time and crying hysterically for hours.

>>17328562
literally kill yourself, nigger

>>17327690
>seven year old daughter sleeps in same bed as dad
>WOAH WOAH WOAH PEDO ALERT
Goddamn busybody cunts

File: 1442930997959.png (315 KB, 424x365) Image search: [Google]

315 KB, 424x365

>>17327690
She should sleep in her own bed, shower herself, etc. at 10 year old at the latest. You should start introducing the idea to her, but don't rush it. Give her her own bed, but let her come back in your bed if she can't sleep.

And yeah, that teacher is a shitfaced cunt who should mind his/her own business.

She seems to be traumatised, and after 4 years that doesnt seem to be going away, therefore you will probably need some professional guidance. Talk to that teacher about it, she might have to offer insight and will judge you differently if you involve her.
later on talk to her like an adult and get her to solve the problem with this:
https://www.ted.com/talks/bruce_feiler_agile_programming_for_your_family
Talk to her about, what it means for you, and ask her if she thinks similar and if you get her on your side, try to work on it.