Ladies, I propose to you a hypothetical situation
Your boyfriend has a female friend he has known for years. They're very close and text each other a lot, sometimes about everyday things, but often about a rare niche interest they both have in common.
There are no signs of flirting, but this girl is extremely attractive (read: totally his type), and you find out at some point (he wasn't hiding, it just hadn't come up) that they have some romantic history, but it was brief and several years ago.
How do you handle this?
>>17327586
FUCK THAT
>>17327586
he's in a relationship with you. spends his time with you. he's intimate with you.
i'm assuming you have a past and have been with other guys. i'm sure he doesn't mind or judge you based on that information.
i suppose it's unsettling that a part of his sexual past is still around but unless you intend on giving him an ultimatum about this friend then i'm not sure what you intend on accomplishing besides making yourself out to be insecure and jealous.
he put his dick inside of that friend. she probably gargled his cum. maybe she's better in bed than you. perhaps she left him but he desperately wanted to continue being in her life.
who knows anon.
I would be ok with it if he made her a mutual friend.
Realize that I'm the intruder here and accept it. If he wanted to be with her, he had years before meeting me to do so.
In fact, you say they tried and it didn't. So, even less reasons to worry.
I tend not to date people I don't trust, tho...
>>17327586
I wouldn't be okay with it.
I am fine with close female friends.
I am fine with keeping friendly and sporadic relationship with an ex lover.
I am not fine with being close to someone they were romantically involved with.
Would make an exception if their fling was very distant in time (8/10 years or more), insignificant and if they have been friends for long periods of time while both were single.
speaking from experience here...
I fooled around with a friend of mine years ago, and now we have both had multiple partners since then and still talk. Sometimes, things happen and that's that. I would say if he doesn't flirt with her or act weird about it then you have nothing to worry about. If he wanted to be with her, he wouldn't have found and started dating you.
>>17327586
What would mama do. Then do the opposite
Going to intrude I guess but,
As a dude who's been the guy in a similar situation (my best friend is a girl, there was a period of time where we became fwb's)
I told my girlfriend about my best friend and i's shared sexual history--intentionally as a heads up--before they even met.
She's admitted she was kind of jealous/weirded out at first, but now they're pretty good friends too.
She's also said it was a good fucking thing I was straight up and told her then, instead of her finding out later after.
>>17327586
I would feel extremely betrayed
OP here, this is more or less the spread of answers I expected. How would things be different if he were open about it from the beginning?
To make this more interesting, let's change the story a bit:
>They've only known each other 2-4 years
>Due to an illness, she is no longer as attractive as she used to be when they were involved
>Part of the reason they're so close is because he provided her moral support when she was sick.
>>17327720
In that case it would be okay
>>17327725
For which reason? Is it the bond of moral support or the fact that she's not as attractive anymore?
>>17327621
What if she's too shy to talk to you and generally doesn't make many friends due to said shyness?
>>17327626
What if he had dated other girls, but she hasn't dated other guys?
>>17327668
Why in particular?
>>17327758
>What if he had dated other girls, but she hasn't dated other guys?
The point was knowing that even given the chance (both being single) they wouldn't date because they don't have feelings for each other. It would make me feel comfortable.
If they were never single at the same time, meh. I wouldn't be happy about it.
>>17327586
When you say she's extremely attractive, are you saying that you are attracted to her, that you feel threatened because she is the kind of person he is attracted to, or both?
>>17327655
>it was a good fucking thing
if a chick said this type of thing to me id treat it exactly as if she'd just threatened me and call her out
b e t a
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>>17327894
>pic related
>>17327903
b e t a
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^you^
I'd be entirely distrustful of the friendship. Especially if she wasn't a friend of mine. I don't mind my boyfriend having female friends, but if there's any history of sexual or romantic relations, or any perceived current interest, that's an enormous red flag.
I would probably try to be comfortable with it, fail, then decide that he likes her more than he likes me and move on.
>>17327767
What if you had the slight suspicion that they may harbor feelings they are denying even to themselves, and it would be impossible for them to be together for practical reasons?
>>17327800
This is actually hypothetical, but let's say that she's simply the kind of girl he likes.
About 10 years ago I fucked around with my best friend. She's considered gorgeous, smart, is super rich (personally, not mommy and daddy), and is someone I enjoy spending my time with and sharing our interests.
But, with all of that on the outside, I know that she's extremely broken. She has issues with drugs, infidelity with all of her past boyfriends, and snaps into anger with guys that she's with irrationally.
What I'm saying is that a lot of times, people that are that close, even if they've been sexually intimate, know each other's issues so well that there's a reason they don't want to be "with" them, even though they enjoy being around them.
>>17327586
I would be cool with that. I still text my two friends from back home, ex-boyfriends. It's not everyday, but maybe once a week.
I suggest you ask him to text her less. Just say that it's making you paranoid, and you are uncomfortable with it.
If he keeps doing it in secret he could be smitten with her.
>>17328213
>I suggest you ask him to text her less.
"But she doesn't have many friends, and I'm the only one she trusts."
"I don't really have anyone else to talk about ___ with. I know it bores you when I talk about it."
>>17327586
Fuck that he should have told me. "It hasn't come up" Hell no.
>>17328438
How should he say it, and at what point?
>>17328511
"Hey babe, I used to have feeling for this girl. They're not there anymore but I just thought I'd let you know."
I'd exact something like that and probably during one of their conversations.
>>17327586
Absolutley not, my brain can't handle something like that. I would probably make him choose between me or her.
>>17327586
well considering that i've had a romantic history with some really attractive guys, i guess i wouldn't mind as much, but the constant texting would kind of get to me. i'll try my luck and ask them to cool it on the texting, but if he ultimately chooses her over me, welp, then i guess i gotta move on and find someone who doesn't need a "safety net."
i had a bf that was "totally my type" (was into the same hobbies and interests and career path as me) and was so attractive, that strangers would literally hit on him in front of me. but i don't have feelings for him any more because of other reasons.
i don't initiate contact with him, and even if he contacts me, i keep it brief. i don't let myself get involved too much because i know that's weird.
>>17327603
>he put his dick inside of that friend. she probably gargled his cum. maybe she's better in bed than you. perhaps she left him but he desperately wanted to continue being in her life.
That whole paragraph is meant to stir you up. Believe me, I was a frustrated virigin at one point too.
>>17328553
I figured as much. It's not bad, actually.
>>17327731
I'm genuinely curious in knowing the (honest) answer to this question.
>>17328438
Thank God I'm not in a relationship with you. You sound fucking nuts.
>>17327603
"Hey, this girl I'm texting: she's a good friend of mine, we go way back. Just so you know, I used to put my dick in her for a while, and she did gargle my cum a couple of times. I just wanted to be honest with you. We're cool?"
>>17328847
This would be complete if then kissed her on the forehead, checked a recent text, and started laughing.
Befriend her.
Does she respect that he and I are in a relationship, and does he put me first?
>>17328919
>Befriend her.
She's too shy to talk to strangers.
>Does she respect that he and I are in a relationship
She has respected all of his relationships after her and backed off when he's with a girlfriend.
>does he put me first?
Arguably
>>17327603
>he put his dick inside of that friend. she probably gargled his cum. maybe she's better in bed than you. perhaps she left him but he desperately wanted to continue being in her life.
this is some cuckquean shit right here
>>17327731
both
I'm jalous of girls prettier than me, others I don't care.
And if she needs support due to a problem I would understand that my bf talks to her for this reason and not *only* because he appreciates her
>>17329527
She's better now. The moral support strengthened the bond of friendship. And, despite the scars, she's still quite the looker.
