sex fetish
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
My husband says he has a sexting fetish and can't help when he starts looking for women to sext with. Is this a real thing, can someone really not help but to look for women when left to their own devices?
It's called not having self control. Nothing special, doesn't deserve any special treatment.
>>16502194
What a load of crap.
NEVER listen to a man when he tries to excuse a mistake with "I couldn't help it- Muh desires".
He is a FULLY GROWN ADULT MALE. He should be able to control those "urges". "I couldn't help it" is a statement of weakness
When he married you, he made a commitment to respect you and to make sacrifices for you. If he's not even able to control such a simple lust, the relationship is not built to last.
He should not be allowed to sext other women. Tell him that you're happy to participate in sexting with him and indulge his fetishes, but that You will view him sexting other women as an equivalent to cheating.
If you are in a monogamous traditional marriage, he should not be allowed to look for sexual gratification from other women. The relationship needs to end if he can't control himself.
>>16502194
>sexting fetish
OP. You're retarded because here's where you say "Why not do it with me?" Boom. Fetish fufilled.
Now if he then turns around and goes "b-b-but it has to be with new people!" Then he's a faggot and you should bail.
Heroin addicts and some alcoholics can legitimately claim they can't control themselves. Your husband is just a twat. I know fifteen-year-olds who would consider an excuse like that beneath them.
>>16502203
Underrated comment, literally the answer to 95% of these questions.
>>16502216
You are right and wrong.
Just being fully grown doesn't mean you can get rid of urges. There's a reason why there are so many people who can't quit smoking and all that shit.
If the husband has been sexting for a majority of his life then it will be really fucking hard to stop.
But he probably wasn't and just needed a good excuse that would make him seem like the victim.
If he wants to stop, OP can work with him to get it to stop else husband is just a twat.
Also for this particular case:
>>16502224
Yes.
Sounds like your husband is just looking for excuse to date other women
>>16502231
Yes, not all full grown adult men can control themselves- but they should be expected to.
It's like comparing a child's actions to an adult's. If a child makes a mistake, it's understandable because they are new to certain things and are bound to make mistakes as beginners.
An adult who has had plenty of time to make mistakes but hasn't learned/grown from them is a totally different situation.
I'm not saying that the man can't control himself, I'm saying that the relationship is frail and she should leave if that's the case.
Wow, more responses than I thought I'd get. I had our first child 3 months ago and for legitimate reasons have not been able to have sex. So he's gotten impatient and when he's on overnight shifts watching soldiers barracks, he downloads kik or w.e. and looks for women to talk to. It's something that we've fought about before and i just don't understand why he does it, especially now that we've got this awesome addition to our life.
And I thought it was a bs excuse that it's a fetish that he just can't help.
>>16502292
try not to put him in a position where he will go to death defending that it's a legitimate fetish. you want him to be flexible about that idea so you can work with him later on. if it becomes a fetish vs bs thing he will not back down.
>>16502292
that sounds as if you were in a really critical time of your relationship. after getting a kid is a prime time for breakups. make up your mind if you want to be in the relationship for real, and do ask him the same. then go to a therapist. no kidding. this is urgent if you want your marriage to last.
>>16502292
You're going to have to compromise if you want your marriage to last, since this guy evidently has zero self control or patience.
Try to find ways to satisfy him sexually/romantically, and ask him to be patient during this time when you need to focus on the new baby.
Assure him that things will return to normal, and do your best to abide by that promise.
This is very important if you want your baby to grow up in a normal household
>>16502292
Cute kid, congrats.
And okay, yeah, it's obviously not a fetish. He's just sexually frustrated, especially if you had a healthy sex life before.
Getting of is kinda what men do and when you are used to doing it regulary it's pretty hard to hold back when you wanna do it.
The normal reaction would be to just rub one out and maybe look at porn.
How's you stance on porn anyway?
What yur husband is doing is shit, but you shouldn't completely damn him for it. My dad in his infinite wisdom once said:
'There comes a day in a mans life when the women he loves stops being his wife and becomes a mother. She will always be the most important person to him but for her the kids come first.'
Work with him, not against him. If it's about it being real actual contact with other women, just tell him to look at porn.
I'll also go out on a limb and guess that you probably wanna start the sex again when you can, so you should make it clear that you are not suddenly forgetting about that part of your relationship.
He might just feel left out because now there's someone even more important than him in your life.
That being said, he still has to stop messing around with actual real women. Find a proper compromise that satisfies his sex and attention drive and your need to rest.
