I'll tl;dr this but I'd like to hear from some people on this
About a month and a half ago my girlfriend of 4+ years cheated on me, what she did though wasn't as drastic as most. She basically sexted some guy she met online. No nudes although pretty close, some provocative gestures and some shots of her in underwear. Mostly it was her sending dirty texts and receiving pictures. She confessed immediately afterward. She was worried I'd break up with her and kept in contact with the guy as a backup, even during our small break from each other so she could "feel like she was choosing me". She seemed completely off during this whole time and honestly just broken. She later explained (after thinking about it) how she basically cracked under pressure from unhappiness in our relationship and stress from classes and made this guy to be some 10/10 so she could escape from what she was going through. She's always been pretty weak in that sense where she gets stressed easily and breaks as a result but this is much, much further than anything before (mostly just break downs etc.)
I really, truly loved her up until that point. I wanted to marry her one day even, despite her shortcomings. But since it happened, I've been a wreck. I want to be with her still because honestly, what she did wasn't even THAT bad, but the fact that she broke like that makes me feel like she's been put into perspective for me. I feel like I can't respect her any more and I'm not getting emotionally attached because I feel she's an idiot who can't handle her own emotions and will end up giving into impulse again one day.
I want to make it work with her and I want to like her again, but it's really tough when I'm still harboring a lot of negative feelings.
What do?
Anyone here ever been in a similar situation?
>>16495823
>>16495823
Fuck, forgot tl;dr
>gf of 4 years sexts guy, no nudes, mostly text
>It's because she cracked under pressure and can't manage her stress
>Loved her insanely, now look down on her and can't respect her/love her
>Want things to work because I was very happy with her before, worried she'll always been unable to cope with her stress
>Angry, bitter, lonely and sad so it's hard to move on even though I'm more or less over the original event
Also, it's worth noting that she's talked about how almost losing me made her appreciate me more as a person and made her love me more
blah blah blah
you're approaching this like a woman.
you need to confront the fact that she is sexually attracted to other people. that doesn't mean the relationship needs to end.
stop getting walked all over, stop treating her like a possession, and think about this rationally.
>>16495831
you're getting so keked, bro.
my girl cheated on me, i cheated on her, then she cheated on me a few times during our "break" over the summer. we are back together now. the first time we split up and she got with other people my approach was like yours . . . filled with self pity.
now I have so much more clarity. I love my girl and she loves me, but i'm so unattached in this pussy way that you are describing.
>>16495835
I've pretty much taken the "You fucked up, it's up to you to make things better. I can't trust you and don't respect you, figure out how to change that" route but I can recognize how fucking pissed I am and it's not helping anything.
I don't really care that she's attracted to other people, I'm just not interested in a cheating girlfriend
>>16495840
Yeah it fucking feels that way
>>16495846
then break up with her. obviously you resent her and it's only going to get worth.
but DO NOT break up with her in some dramatic, over the top, emotional manner. Just tell her in a VERY COLD AND SMOOTH MANNER that, "listen, you cheated on me. i love you, but this just isn't going to work anymore." give her a kiss on the cheek, leave, and don't listen to a word she says.
>>16495823
ask yourself these two simple questions:
1. do you still love her
2. do you still want to be with her
if you answer either one of those with a "no" then dump her.
if you answer them both with "yes" then you need to figure out a way to forgive her.
talk to her about it. it baffles me every day how many people come to /adv/ and ask questions they should be discussing with their S.O.
tell her how you feel. that you still love her, but you feel betrayed and don't know if you can trust her again.
I think after 4 years you should be able to tell if she's being honest with you or not.
I mean she slipped, but nothing really happened. sometimes these sorts of occurrences can bring a couple closer together again.
I myself almost cheated on my GF once and then after that realized how much she actually meant to me and we've been together for 9 years now.
>>16495914
It really is a yes and a yes for me
I know I love her but it's hard to actually feel it because of how upset I am (faggot I know)
I do talk to her about it pretty regularly and every time we talk about it, it does seem to help. When she discusses it, she does seem genuine. Your post is pretty much what I was interested in, thanks.
I guess i just need to figure out how to get my emotions in check because my anger/bitterness seems like a big part of it
thanks anon
>>16495925
nothing faggoty about it. even though this is 4chan, it's not /b/.
I think what you're feeling is pretty normal. she betrayed you and you have a right to be angry and upset. it's her job to make you feel better, because she fucked up. just give it some time, it will pass.
also, be a little girly on this and make her work for it! she would if the roles were reversed ;)
>>16495941
Thanks man, you have no idea how much that helped. I've been feeling pretty fucked up over it lately because I can't talk to anyone about it (no close family, we share our group of friends)
and this whole thing, short as it is, helped quite a bit
I'll try to keep on with what we're doing then and just give it time
>>16495956
np. good luck! don't worry too much. if you both love each other, you'll get passed this.
might just need to work on it a little. but that's normal. relationships, at least the lasting ones, are a lot of work. I've been in a relationship for over 10 years and you have no fucking idea how much work it was to get where we are now.
>>16495823
>and kept in contact with the guy
that doesn't sound like someone that is really sorry or willing to do what is necessary to repair the damage she caused. This is the period of time she should have tried to prove you could trust her and she didn't
>>16496558
This so much OP.
