What do you do when you're just at the end of trying to just live? I've been on meds since I was 15, but I feel like nothing helps, attempted suicide once and avoided going to a psych ward. I feel like I no longer can control my thoughts, everyday my "inner voice" tells me to do things, I have agoraphobia and don't leave the house often, when I do it's usually to sit on the deck. My "inner voice" will constantly say things like "jump off". It's not an outer voice or anything, but that voice that people i guess have inside their head, but it doesn't feel totally mine, I could be laughing and stuff and it feels like my mind tells me to do self destructive things. It almost feels like I have to fight myself in my own mind not to do self destructive behavior and it's driving me insane. I'm a NEET with no real life friends to confide, I don't even tell my friends online that im close to i trust these thoughts.
I have horrid night terrors nearly every night so I sleep like shit or I'm too scared to sleep. I live in a small town, I do not have many opportunities to make friends, get jobs, go to events to make friends, even if I did I'm sure my anxiety would make it impossible, I have to be drugged up or drunk to go places or my mind just won't allow it.
I'm 22 now and I just can't handle it anymore.
>>16495615
You're a good baby.
>>16495615
>>16495615
Its good to have goals, even small ones. You build on successes like a sturdy brick wall, and you learn from mis steps, like a rocky road. And there's not only one solution to every problem, you may get better at walking rocky roads, or just learn different paths that are less rocky.
Either way, setting and meeting goals is psychologically validating in ways that are difficult to objectively realise from person to person, but are almost always subjectively powerful in a positive way.
Either way, not everybody is good at everything they do, and some of us WILL have a tough time with more things than the average person, thats why is called an average.
Be more forgiving of yourself. You seem more guilt and angst ridden than actually deranged or anything.
The only thing that still keeps me going is , that if I fall my sister and my best friend will fallow me
>>16495731
So I live for them, and don't want to cause any pain for them because I Love them
>>16495736
i learned the hard way thats a shit reason.
what the hell put you on this path anyway? need more to work with.
>>16495753
The reason is good enough for me. What put me on this path was when I started helping them through there sever depression. And some of their depression got rubbed on me after hearing and helping them out. I'm sure my reason will change eventually once they get through it
>>16495787
Sorry not change but way of thought
>>16495787
are they still struggling with it?
Are you objective enough to tell if you've been helping or just becoming co-dependant?
>>16495795
Yeah they are still struggling. My sister seems to be getting better but it on and off depending on her stress levels. As far as they know I don't even look deppresed because I look like I'm always full of emotion. And what I mainly do to help them out is listen to them offer some advice and take them out which tends to be a struggle
just stick it through for other people's sake.
>>16495850
It sounds to me like you have an unfortunately large gap in your personal development,( whatever the reason you're not sharing right now.)
You've used the tools you've developed to compensate for this gap up until now, but you can only use a hammer so many ways before you need to learn how to use a screw driver.
The shit i was saying in >>16495730 is still probably the most useful thing right now, because in addition to that gap of life development, you've got some kind of guilt on your neck too.
don't give up.
and to paraphrase a great man, if the purpose of the facade you put on for the two of them is that you want those two to get behind it or inspired, whats wrong with using it for yourself too?
