I have been with this girl for 3 years, but even if I learned to like many sides of her, something about her appearance and her personality still bothers me. I don't know what to do, as she is the first and only gf I have ever had, and I actually made some wonderful memories with her.
We are both 26. I have always been extremely unlucky with girls.
I turned to dating websites, and I found this girl who described herself extensively. She sounded like a female version of myself, in almost everything. From the pictures, she looked quite cute.
I wrote to her, but she never replied. Some months after that, by chance, I found her profile on a certain social network. I felt secure because of all the information I already knew about her. For the first time, everything went smoothly and after a little more than a month we were together.
It was pure bliss for three months or so. But I already had some concerns about her appearance. She is very short and underdeveloped (she has the body of a 13 yo, as she had precocious puberty), she has a funnily shaped nose (straight, but... looks like a less extreme version of Nixon's nose), a round, large face on a skinny body and a lot of skin problems (moles everywhere, even big ones, and a bit of acne).
But her personality was so loving, playful and cheerful that I forgot about my ideal "standards" of beauty for a while. Then, problems started. She slowly revealed to have BPD and control OCDs. She started therapy, she's still doing it. Even if her old loving and playful self is still there, sometimes she becomes nasty and abusive; and she cannot send an email if I don't check it before. Sometimes she gets obsessed for hours by a little thing that could go wrong (like, sending an email to the wrong person).
She is willing to change, but we both know that it will not be easy. I am still able to be happy with her. I care about her. But sometimes I wonder... Am I just settling? Do I really want this?
What would you advice me to do?
Bump again... I would like to hear some advice to sort out my feelings.
If you are questioning if you are settling, chances are that you are indeed settling. If you're happy with her, ride it out for a bit. If you don't see her making enough progress or attempting to change, then break up with her. Do you love her? You never mentioned if you did in your OP
>>17325671
Right, I was out of space.
I mentioned I care for her. Yes, I think I love her. But I also have may doubts: I love her, but I also don't want to leave her because I know how much she is suffering. At the same time, when she gets obsessive or very nasty, I ask to myself: do I really deserve this? Why should I suffer this much? Why can't I say to my gf "Hey, let's meet this evening" or "Sorry, try to be independent, I send my emails, you send your emails" without fearing an impending tragedy?
The last time she had a crisis it was because, after she had been away for one week, I said "Why don't we go out for an ice cream this evening"? Well, she got incredibly mad. In the end, it was because she wanted to see me right away -and not to wait until evening. So my proposal sounded irritating to her, and she suspected I had some strange, hidden reasons to delay our meeting. She explained this only a few hours later... When I have to take a decision about our meetings, I am very, very afraid. And she doesn't want to decide in my place, because she is too insecure and wants me to show that I am strong and secure, and I can support her. So, I ask myself again... Do I deserve this?
>>17325720
Based on what you've said here, I'd say no, you don't deserve that. She sounds like a handful when her mental instability is kicking in and that's not something that I, personally, would deal with. If the bad outweighs the good, ditch her. I know it would suck because she is going through her own shit, but just because she is going through her own thing doesn't mean that you need to let yourself drown in the process.
>>17325769
Yes, of course... However, sometimes she can be extremely helpful, caring and funny. I am really torn. And also, as I said before, she is my first and only, and we met because of a quite unlikely chance. Without her, my life would be much more quiet, but maybe also much more lonely.
I feel such a dumbass, also for comparing her appearance to that of other girls and thinking, sometimes, that maybe she is not that pretty. However, some other times I think she is cute.
Bump?
>>17325225
>she cannot send an email if I don't check it before. Sometimes she gets obsessed for hours by a little thing that could go wrong (like, sending an email to the wrong person).
That sounds adorable you ungrateful idiot. Breakup with her, good luck finding another girl that will take your sorry ass
evident by:
>I have always been extremely unlucky with girls.
>I turned to dating websites,
> wrote to her, but she never replied
>then had to stalk her and pretend that everything you knew about her was just lucky guesses
