I think I fucked up a friendship on Friday.
I was talking to one of the only friends I have in Houston, I told him about a museum exhibition I wanted to go to and asked if he would like to go. He said no. Then he said "If you're lonely just go with your sister. What happened to John?" And I had to explain to him my sister doesn't want to go and that John hasn't reached out to me despite my efforts of reaching out to him. He tried to get out of going out somewhere with me when all he could have said was "I don't feel like going" and I would have been cool with it. I admit, I did complain about being alone to him once after graduating college. I moved back home and all I do all day is search for jobs and I only go out for job interviews. I made the mistake of being offended when he told me that he makes it a priority to talk to me because I'm lonely. I got offended because it felt like he only talked to me to take pity on me. Not because he actually likes talking to me.
On Friday I told him that it was insulting that he was doubting that I didn't have any friends in Houston. All my friends are out of state or in different cities. That's when things got really terrible and he started ranting and saying all this stuff. Like he was saving all this aggression for this one moment to take out on me. I'll post a transcript of what he said.
Now my questions is, he's going to come back. He's going to come back and apologize and will try to make up with me. It's happened before so many times. I would distance myself from him but he would always come back. What do I do this time when he comes back? What do I say?
>>17322387
Here's what was said
Me: I just don't get why you question me when I express that I feel lonely or that I just stay at home all day since I don't have anyone to really interact with. I don't get why you doubt how I feel sometimes.
Jeff: I'm going to leave this one alone. No actually I'm not. I won't leave this alone. So I told you that I would speak to you like an adult. Let me follow through with that. So as a preface, none of this is intended to offend. And if you feel offended--I am not sorry.
1. In these conversations above, you see that I use sarcasm, humor, irony, etc.
You get easily offended by things or feels it's all a personal attack.
Get the fuck over yourself.
2. You're an adult, stop being offended or reaching for something to be offended by. If I say it wasn't meant to offend then I fucking mean it
3. I'm not going to apologize for every little thing you feel offended by just because you have the emotional maturity of a 14 year old. The world does not revolve around you. I know you're lonely---remember the last god damn thing that pissed you off (in which I said I made it a fucking priority to talk to you because you felt lonely? Yes? No?
Me: 1. Sometimes it can be hard to pinpoint it out when you use those elements. But in the past there has always been patterns of you questioning claims that I make about how I feel so sometimes it does feel like you question me and how I feel all the time.
Jeff: Jesus Christ I don't have the energy for this.
Me: Fine I'll stop. I'm not mad or anything right now but whatever
Jeff: It's not that I dont care about a person's feelings its just at some point you have to pull your fucking self up by the bootstraps and grow the fuck up
Me: I'm honestly not finding things to be offended by. I'm not. And I know the world doesn't revolve around me. But whatever, point taken.
>>17322394
Part 2
Jeff: I don't have the fucking patience to deal with people like you. "Every fucking thing is a problem, the world is sad, I am lonely, this offends me." I just don't give a fuck anymore
Me: I haven't even made complaints like that in a really long time. And these past months I've been trying to improve my attitude and not go down that route again.
Jeff: I'm going to bed, be offended. Send me a five page paper about how I dont care. Tell your friends too. Tell the world. I dont give a fuck, I dont have energy for your complaining and others. I have my own shit. Good night! Go write on your tumblr or facebook how mad you are
Me: I'm not even mad though. And I'm not even offended right now.
Jeff: I'll piss you off in the future. Let's get it out the way now. [Insert here something that is insulting, offensive, sexist, etc] Then send me a few paragraphs about how I dont care. Then say "whatever" 10 times. What other stupid fucking shit did I miss (Insert some conflicting stuff here) (Write about how men are sexist and only prize women for look or their sexuality then send me some selfies)
Me: I didn't mean to make you mad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not interpreting your messages properly.
Jeff: Dude go the fuck to bed. I am tired with you. Im tired all these other assholes getting mad. Don't apologize. You and the rest can go royally fuck yourselves. I'm done. Im really fucking done. No more. Delete all my shit. Block everywhere you can. Write as much as you want. Im done.
Actually I'm sorry
When you and the rest write about me, give a juicy context about how im an asshole or rude or whatever. Make something good up. Make sure everyone gives you sympathy.
Me: Jeff no. I'm not going to do that
Jeff: I'm begging you. Please, just piss me off more. Let's make up now and then you can find something to get mad about next week. Or you can try to subtly force me to hang out with you
Me: Jeff stop. I didn't mean to be insulted or anything
>>17322398
Part 3
Jeff: Or better---try some tricks to get me to date you---oh that'll work. Then when I politely decline get mad. Then say we're friends and try over again. (Tell me another story about how everyone looks at you---I'll fill the conversation with a compliment and reply back with something sexual so as not to come off rude) What about this---I'll keep apologizing to everyone because I don't want to be labeled an asshole. Nah fuck that. I give up. Every single one of you---I cant keep up (Invite me somewhere else) Let me decline. Then try guilt tripping me. That'll work
Me: You're not an asshole and I didn't say you were. I'm sorry I took offense because I couldn't read your tone. Obviously you don't have to hang out with me. And I'm sorry if I impose.
>>17322400
Part 3
Jeff: Send some cleavage pics because everyone knows thats what will sway my opinion. Hey, he doesn't want to go---let me sexualize the conversation because men only care about sex. Ohhh he didn't comment on my selfie? What a prick. Send more selfies (but then tell me a woman's worth is more than her body) Send me more nudes, more body pics and tell me how you don't like like when men sexualize women. Get pissed off at me for mentioning attractive women (because of the deep depths of your 5th grader insecurities) but hey go sexualize men on your social media. I want to join the lot of you. I want to be a hypocrite. I want to be easily offended. I want to write about the shallows of my distorted world view. I want to waste my life away with you all.
Instead of confronting people, I'll hid behind humor because I don't like having serious conversations with people. Uh-oh, the humor isn't working. Even that's offending them. What do I do? Oh I know, I'll try to avoid confrontation. Wait, that isn't working either, they're saying I'm an asshole and I don't care. Oh but wait they're just as much a lie as I am. Should I confront them or just apologize Should i say sorry and act like it's all fine That sounds good. Hmmm but it doesnt feel good What now
After a certain point, like now, You have those days where the pent up aggression gets a solid avenue, a pathway of expression A catharsis. Release
This is it
When you finally get to let go
To say "no more, you pricks are pissing me off" I cared at one point. I felt bad. I regretted what I said and then I see how a person really is. How they really think. They're just as dark, disturbed, hypocritical
Deep down, I really can't stand some of you people. It borders on the purest strain of hate
>>17322405
Part 5
Jeff:Not a sense of violence but a disgust in your own existence. The feeling of complete disappointment.
Day in, day out. Every single one of you. I come back out of a sense of compassion or maybe to understand. I tried to understand. I try to be nice.
In the deepest most infinitesimal expression of my heart and my mind, I hate you just as much as I hate myself. I hate your hypocrisy. I hate your megalomania, your egomania, your narcissism, your way of thinking. If I have a last good message---let it be known that with every moment you talked to me, within me was not rage, not anger, not sadness, but complete and utter disappointment in my self
I dont care
Dont apologize, dont say shit
I'm not mad anymore.
I stopped hating you and me.
I just dont care
It doesn't matter
It never will
I'll never care
Me: For something that doesn't matter, you certainly wrote a lot in the past hour about it.
>>17322387
Sorry fella but reading the way you type points to you having autism. You'll always be a social outcast.
>>17322509
Also, Jeff is a douche.
>>17322509
I had no idea that a person could detect autism on the Internet.
>>17322408
>Me: For something that doesn't matter, you certainly wrote a lot in the past hour about it.
Yeah that's what I thought too. When I mean "fuck this, I'm going to bed", I go to bed.
Sounds like he has a lot of issues that have absolutely nothing to do with you, but also sounds like he has legit issues with you as well and he doesn't really seem to like you very much as a person.
As for what to do, that's up to you isn't it? Me, I doubt I'd bother keeping this kind of friend, but you probably enjoy the drama.
>>17322564
If he doesn't like me very much, then why does he even keep coming back? I stopped talking to him for over a week once and one day he messaged me five times in a row.
He keeps coming back, he keeps asking me for pictures of me, he keeps coming back into my life. Then one day I mention maybe we should go to a place together and I get this long stupid rant.
It's just tiring honestly.
>>17322583
>If he doesn't like me very much, then why does he even keep coming back?
Probably for the same reasons that most people do that sort of stuff: lonely, bored, no one else to talk to. You respond to him.
Dude doesn't seem to like himself all that much either.
>It's just tiring honestly.
Deal with it or don't. It's your life.
>>17322620
I respond to him because I actually do like him and in some fucked up way I do love him. I try to be that good friend by responding because I know that I would want someone to respond to.
I too am getting the feeling that he doesn't like himself. I don't really know why. He never really tells me what's really going on with him.
I think it's better to just leave at this point. He doesn't seem to be in a very good place and staying friends with someone like that is stagnating.
>>17322583
because he's thirsty and you keep sending him nudes. male brains are simple.
>>17322714
I don't send nudes. Just some cleavage pics here and there and selfies. Never full on nudes
And what thirsty as fuck dude goes on a rant when a girl asks him to go out somewhere?
>>17322387
>I got offended because it felt like he only talked to me to take pity on me. Not because he actually likes talking to me.
I know that feel, anon. I wish people wouldn't do that shit, it's fucking annoying to waste your time with someone only to realize they're just talking to you out of pity. Happened to me again recently.
But this guy is different: he seems to actually like you. He seems to be pretty abrasive, blunt, and brutally direct: he probably doesn't get along with most people.
And he probably values your friendship more than you think.
And let me be brutally honest with you too:
> In these conversations above, you see that I use sarcasm, humor, irony, etc.
You get easily offended by things or feels it's all a personal attack.
>Me: 1. Sometimes it can be hard to pinpoint it out when you use those elements. But in the past there has always been patterns of you questioning claims that I make about how I feel so sometimes it does feel like you question me and how I feel all the time.
You seem to be somewhat autistic. That's not bad, I've had autistic friends. Some of my closest friends, actually.
It's just that you have to start getting more exposure to social environments with people that care enough about you to actually tell you what you're doing wrong and how to improve.
This guy might be one of those people, if he isn't too pissed-off at you. People as honest as him are rare.
PS: Frankly I smiled a lot reading this. Both of you guys are pretty interesting people.
And I sympathized a lot with Jeff in that rant. I wish I had someone to send my rants to.
>>17322583
>If he doesn't like me very much, then why does he even keep coming back
Because you still respond to him, probably. Ask him how many friends he has sometime.
My guess is that he's managed to alienate most or all of them, and sometimes you're the only one who will talk to him.
Don't think this is a bad thing: it means you're probably one of his closest friends.
>>17322387
I didn't understand what contour was until recently.
>>17322777
Thank you for your comment and for putting things into more perspective. I never was diagnosed with autism.
I'm not terribly offended by the rant. I think sometimes we all want someone to unleash our thoughts on I suppose.
Thanks for your comment.
>>17322781
Contouring changed my life honestly.
>>17322387
Jeff is probably mad that you wont have sex with him. Regardless, that's way to much drama for just a friendship. Unless you communicate with all your friends this way, then I feel bad for you.
>>17322777
I know that feel anon, it's annoying when people who care about me go out of their to socialize, even though it's because they feel bad. Then again, maybe if I keep flaunting myself as an emotional train wreck I'll find people that want to talk to me ;)
>>17322387
i think he only said im your only friend because he didnt like some bad habit of yours. theres no way to tell sorry.
>>17323507
If he wants sex then he can just ask.
None of my other friendships are this dramatic. In fact, none of my other friendships have drama at all. It's only this one.
>>17323581
Most guys aren't secure enough to boldly ask for sex, at least I wouldn't unless really drunk. I just think he's pissed for having to deal with all the bullshit of a relationship without the benefits. Or like they all said he has personal issues. You didn't fuck things up, just don't talk to him until he wants to.
>>17323666
We don't even have a relationship though. It's barely even a friendship at this point.
Yeah I'm keeping my distance from him and giving him space.
>>17323726
That's what I'm trying to say, it's not a relationship, but you guys are treating it like one.
