People out there in long term relationships, what is your S/O like with their friends?
I feel my girlfriend is practically consumed by her friendships, she almost treats them as if she were dating them as well as me, i often feel like im on equal ground or even sometimes lesser then her friends and we are all after the same thing, to spend time with her, so i feel this competition with her friends.
I'll admit i do get the most time out of anyone, but a lot of that time is spent with her on her phone messaging her friends or snapchatting/planning next time she is seeing them and basically giving them a rundown of her day to day activities while she's with me, none of which she does for me when she's with her friends, at least not anywhere to the the same extent. Often she will not message me at all whilst she is with friends because she believes it to be rude to them and she just wants to be present when they hang out but that same courtesy isnt given to me when we are together. I understand her time with me is often her only "alone" time so to speak so she will need to do things she would do by herself around me. I've just never been with someone so into their friends, I mean I have friends too, really good ones, but we all have our own lives and when i do see my friends its usually secondary to seeing my girlfriend unless its some specifically interesting event that is happening like a birthday or something.
Another point to mention is that because her friends hang out basically EVERY day, she often feels left out, and knowing that she feels this way makes me feel guilty for keeping her away from seeing them which often reflects on the quality of our together time as i feel like she'd rather be elsewhere. Because of her commitment to me she has said in the past that she wants to be able to see friends many days in a row if she feels like it without it being an issue, and usually it isnt, but when i do get time with her it can be frustrating shes messaging them.
>>17321973
I hit the word limit, anyway this is all just my thoughts at the moment, would just like to hear an outsiders perspective on the matter. I want to also clarify that i don't have a problem with her having friend time, even a lot of it is fine, it's mostly how when she's with me she makes me feel like she'd rather be with them by them constantly being in the loop about her life/events/food she's eating etc.
>>17321976
you sound like you have a really good idea about where you stand and why you feel that way.
you're best bet is to tell her everything in your first two paragraphs there and see how she responds.
IMO she's got problems. at a certain point in life we all have to realize we're here to work on ourselves.
you don't get a girlfriend by crying about how worthless you are and how you need love, right?
you picked her up because somehow you demonstrated worth. A little luck and a little of your own personal spark drove you to become an individual who looks like he can handle his own shit.
she's obviously done the same to a certain extent. but still latches on to those people thinking they give her worth. she's got to realize she's bigger than them.
if you can incentivise her independence somehow - stroke her ego while you're talking - that might help you through it.
she might just be a big baby though, and that's when you gotta make the decision to work with her on it or leave and find someone who doesn't hold you back and make you feel small at the same time
>>17322013
for the record, my S/O spends a lot of her time texting me when she's with her friends (they all the type to text at dinner tables anyway), and little blips come and go when she's with me.
she used to text while we were in bed, and that shit pissed me off. her coworkers would wake her up at 5 am. shit was not okay. the bed is OUR space.
luckily i have a pretty empathetic girl here and she cut it back quite a bit (after some fighting but whatever, i knew i was right gat dammit)
she does her own thing, and often puts me first. we're both homebodies but she definitely goes out more than me.
>>17321973
A romance is meant to be a big part of your life, not the whole thing. Anyone who relegates work, school, family or especially friends to a distant last in order to give all to the SO is not being healthy or well-balanced.
So you should be happy that she has a life (or several) apart from you. And you should have one or more that don't include her. The two-of-us life is something you come back to at the end of the day, not where you live 24/7.
I can relate this to my first GF and now Ex.
It sounds like she has a very defined vision of how the relationship should be like, and it's gonna be hard to change that, sure do what the other anon said and try to talk to her. Maybe you are lucky.
With my ex it was like this: I told her, what I guess would make me happy, that she treats me nice and friendly and would accept what I say without interpretation. that I would like some clear instructions and her beeing brutally honest to me. But she never was, because it collided with her view of how a relationship should be like. i gave her one last chance one day and she said "I could do all of that, but I dont want to, because thats not suitable for a BF" and so i broke it off.
