Can I be loved?
I grew up with my parents seperated living with my mother. But my father who is a borderliner narcicist who generally has a very egocentric world view, still managed to cause a shit ton of damage. Sometimes I feel like he has just ruined my life and I will never be truly happy because of the mental scars he left.
But that's slightly off topic really. I'm 21 and haven't been in a relationship so far. There was a small romance with a girl in a clinic I was to treat my depression. But she ended it and it turns out she only thought she fell in love with me. She likes me I think but just in a platonic way I guess. I feel more for her though. Anyway, she was the first person besides my mother that I thought loved me unconditionally and for who I am not for what I do or don't do. It was an entirely new feeling to and I built a lot of will to live on that. It was a new facette to my life and one that made things worthwhile. Essentially curing my suicidal thoughts entirely at the time. But now that I know that she only thought that she fell in love at the time (that's part of her issue, she's not just a bitch fooling around with other people's feelings). So it feels like I'm back to square one. It feels like I can't be loved. People would probably tell me otherwise but its hard to believe. I would probably tell myself otherwise if I were someone else. And yet I can't believe it or feel it. It feels like I will be forever lonely in that regard. Like I can't be loved for who or what I am. And it feels bad man. It pushes me back to the point of where I don't know why I should even go on like this. But I guess I'll hang in there for the sake of others anyway.
Of course you are. Question is if you love yourself and do you let other people love you and how to make fall in love with you.
Now you obviously have issues. Your parents (yes both) failed you. Your mother failed you too by picking your father and she must've fucked in your head in her own way (even if you don't belive it, you may want to absolve her, but you must realize that probably she too probably fucked with your head).
You need to deal with your own problems and find balance and self respect, then self love. I would advice reading about Self Love Deficit Disorder. Cluster B disorders. And distancing yourself from your family.
I actually very well understand your feelings "I can't be loved", it shows that something deep down with you is not right. My guess is you never really felt safe, respected and loved (yes loved, in your life, it will be a long shot but it's often the case that single mothers don't really treat her children as human beings, instead treating them like their property which confuses shit out of children that don't feel loved yet are told they are loved).
You need to understand that loving is no easy buisness but you can for sure find love. You need to work on you and not in the "Self-improvement" bullshit sense. First thing you need to deal with your issues that stop you from beliving in yourself.
>>17321943
I feel your pain, OP. Also 21, also narcissistic asshole father and mother who never cared.
Personally, i guess i've just accepted it. Some people aren't really meant to be loved, or maybe even liked.
We can still contribute to society, still do some good in the world.
>>17321989
I don't think loving himself will help OP. It won't change the opinions of others, after all. And it won't change who he is.
And even if it works, if he boosts his self-esteem, becomes confident in himself, and people start to like him, what will that change?
It'll simply prove that people don't like him unconditionally, "for who he is", but that their affection is dependent on his self-esteem.
>My guess is you never really felt safe, respected and loved
Probably. That's how it is for most of us. Hard to unlearn things drilled into you throughout childhood.
>>17322073
Im the 89 anon. I understand you very much. I myself was never loved in home and me and all of my brothers are quite disfunctional adults because of our fucked up parents. But I belive that it is totally worth it to be fulfiled in life and big part of being fulfiled is feeling good with yourself and feeling loved. Now sure you need someone to start to love you first, grow your love, tend to relationship but if you meet the right person when she/he loves you it will be solid and unconditional. But you must make them love you first. It's kind of foolish to asume that if someone doesn't love you for the first glance and is completly unconditional in feeling then it is good. We need to work for it to grow but if it is grown good it is true and great.
