>>17302264 (cont)
>had a close female friend in my town at that time that was a quite the character.
>kind of a diva, emotionnal and crazy.
>had leucemia when she was younger and her mother beat the shit out of her when she was a child.
>hang around her because we're both edgy outcasts.
>she tells me that I have to understand she doesn't finds me attractive and don't want a romantic relationship.
>I'm okay with that, I've jus survived mental abuse by a mafioso man-whore. I want calm.
>turns out that girl basically considered me like her personnal manservent.
>was with her when she had panic attack.
>was with her when shit hit the fan and she wanted to jump off a bridge.
>slept at her house multiple time to watch over her as she cried her eyes out about multiple boys she felled for.
>the last straw was when she didn't ask for help to move out her appartement, only to call me crying to give her a hand.
>had to clean her fucking plates on a moving-out day.
>had to call two of my friends to give me a hand.
>told her that's enought, I'm not your slave, and I'm not your friend anymore.
>never talked to her again but kept contact on facebook.
Another romantic opportunities sprang up later that same year.
>Met a girl on a fantasy roleplay forum, the usual "elves / dragon / dwarf".
>ERP with her first, then get her skype contact.
>we talk and laught for 1/2 months
>learns she's in a sect and wants to leave her current boyfriend. Is interested in seeing me.
>her sect basically said she's the reincarnation of the egyptian goddess Isis.
>take the train to her town to eat cupcake with her and her female best friend.
>we spent the day together and almost kissed before I left.
>never gets news from her after that.
>one month later her female best friends sends me a message telling me I'm an asshole and that her friend never wants to talk to me again.
I don't even understand what I did wrong on that one.
>Most recent and most intense "romantic" relationship was last winter.
(cont)

>>17302278 (cont)
>Traveled to Poland for studies.
>Met a cute blonde polish girl whose first word to me where "suck my dick" in my native language.
>She invite me for tea at her house, I meet her parents and we watch movies in her room
>We hugs regularly and she's pretty sexual in her behaviors.
>We spent a whole month like that.
>Learns that she was with a guy who got her pregnant during the summer.
>Was still pregnant a month before I met her.
>Lost the baby even though she wanted it around one week before we met.
>We talk a lot about what she wanted
>We hugs and watch so many movies.
>We get drunk and she lets me fondle her breasts.
>Like I just get in her shirt and massage her.
>One day I tries to kiss her but she's not kissing back, she doesn't move her lips. She just giggles.
>See her texting to the guy who got her pregnant regularly, even when I'm watching a movie with her.
>While returning from a trip to see her friend (where we slept in the same bed and we basically cuddled together all morning) and seeing how sexual she is with her too, ask her about "us".
>She tells me she only.see me as a good friend. She let me do stuff to her because she thought it was ok as she was pretty sexual with me too.
>She doesn't know what she wants.
>All my friends back in the country says she's crazy and don't understand how she could lead me on.
>In my desperation ask a female friend if she would consider as a sexual partner at the very least. She says I'm too short for her taste and that I should get experience. That I should go to high-school parties to pick up drunks chicks or that I should buy a prostitute or an escort. Argue with her that this is bullshit.
>I go back to my own country on good terms with her.
>Stil ltalk to her on facebook from time to time. Seems like she wants to get back together with the guy who got her pregnant.

So here goes my history, now comes my problem.

>>17302304 (cont)

I don't look at girls in the street. I never had crushes and the only girl I fell in love with was that polish girl, but only after a month or two of knowing her.

I don't really get aroused easily (working in art school and performance art help) but I fapp on a regular basis.
It doesn't feel "good". Feels more like maintenance.

Now. I can make friends easily, my family supports me even tho i don't talk to them about my problems and I know I can count on 4 or 5 of my best mates for any situation.

But I can't help but feeling... Unfulfilled. It's not loneliness but a lack of... sharing ?
When I tries to explain it to my friend I usually tell them that I know I have friendship and people to talk and laught with, but I don't have the intimity of a lover who I can share deep stuff with.

Problem is, romantic perspective scares the shit out of me now. I feel like I can't imagine myself love or be loved by anyone. That I will always be the "good friend" that makes everyone laught. And even if I'm interested in some of my female friends, they usually have a boyfriend and then I don't pursue them romantically.

With summer coming and all my friends leaving on vacation or for another school, this gnawing feeling of loneliness is growing more and more.
I've tried going out to bars in town but as I don't really look out for company (and I have very bad vision with no glasses) I spend the night drinking alone, getting depressed and going home sad.

As I'm the kind of guy who experienced first hand that hard work pays as long as you give yourself the means to do what you want to accomplish, hearing my family and friend tells me "Just wait for it." or "Just wait for the right person to comes to" doesn't help me at all, and frustrates me even more.

I feel like this unfulfilment is slowly eating me away, it's becoming a frustration.

What are your thoughts, /adv/ ?

Sorry for the long blog post, by the way.

>>17302320

The only thing I can offer you is general advice on life. (I read through your whole damn blog post).

First of all deal with all the girl shit that happened in your past. If you don't feel comfortable with who you currently are you wont find any comfort in a relationship. It happened to me, and it is very important to come to terms with oneself before attempting to get with someone else.

Secondly it appears as if you are led on multiple times by somewhat manipulative persons. Just give up on dating or women for a while and work on yourself. Make it very clear that you just want to be friends with all the girls you currently interact with.

Learn to watch out for the red flags, if you are persuing someone and it takes too long (to get pussy or emotionally close) it clearly means that they are NOT interested in you. Stop wasting your time on them it is not worth it.

Join a sports club or whatever and bond with fellow males. I found out that it is pretty easy to be emotionally open with guys as well. Just use your gut feeling on who to trust and who not to trust.

Once you developed yourself enough it might be worthwhile again to get emotionally invested with women.

Goodluck and godspeed anon

tl;dr

Wall of text. Ignored.

>>17302320

Also stop drinking. Alcohol only worsens things.

You could have fucked the Polish girl if you wanted to. She just didn't want a relationship with you. She wasn't leading you on. It was you yourself that did that.

Also your family is telling you to wait because it's sound advice. Work on yourself, socialise with females without looking for a girlfriend and you will soon enough find one.

>>17302364
Not OP but those are some awesome advises. Thanks to you.