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>My entire family has always had a very patriarchal relationship with my father.
>He's always very removed from our lives even though we live together. Left everything to our mother pretty much.
>He was an abusive piece of shit. Beat me and my siblings when he was in a bad mood and made our mother feel like shit.
>My mother is a very timid woman who married her first love and still loves him even though he clearly uses her for a lot of things.
>I dont doubt he loved her at one point but I'm pretty sure he's cheated on her multiple times throughout his life.
>He also had untreated mental problems. Often accused us of going through his things, kicked my mother out of their room and installed multiple padlocks, accused his own family of conspiracy type shit against him often.
>Had to physically fight him when I got older and bigger than him to stop him from abusing the rest of my family. Now he just leaves us alone and never talks to us even though he lives down the hall
>My father is now on his deathbed. He developed lung cancer after smoking for a decade. None of my siblings will admit it but we're all glad to see him go and I'm pretty sure he knows it.
>The only problem is my mother still loves him and I know it's going to hurt her badly when he finally dies.
>Me and my siblings decide we need to talk to our mom before he dies about how he treated us so she's not in denial or blames herself.
>we all decide I should do it since I'm the closest to her.

I'm going to talk to her in the morning. Any advice on letting an abusers wife know its not her fault and that it's okay not to miss him? I know she is going to be going through some fucked up emotions because of all the emotional shit he's pulled on her for decades.