How? What did you do to keep the love strong? I'm assuming your marrage was for love.
Tips on what traits to look for in a longterm lover.
And i mean married in spirit not just religiously.
I'm not married.
But I've seen multiple marriages fall apart.
My parents, my friends. They all end.
The key is surrender.
That sounds base. That sounds like limp dick shit.
The key is to have two people together who can relinquish control.
If you have a marriage between two people who must have control, it will fail.
There will come a time when one person demands control and the other does not.
That will lead to failure.
A long lasting marriage must have one or both partners be able to say "I don't want this, but I'll let it happen".
Can you do that?
Can you just say "I hate this, but it's OK and I won't hold a grudge"?
A marriage is a unity between two ugly people with ugly differences.
There is something between them that they will hate in each other.
Can you let that go?
That's a lasting marriage.
>>17294513
Wow ya, thanks.
Great job explaining that yo. Any tips on where to find someone like that? Haha just playin.
>>17294513
one of the best posts i've seen in 9 years on 4chan.
Happily married 14 year here. Cliffs notes
>make each other smile every day
>put out, keep the sex life strong
>arguments should end with a resolution, with bo parties understanding themselves and each other better. No name calling, no ultimatums, no bringing up old shit, or just trying to hurt one another. Try to understand and to be understood
>make sure you agree on life goals and lifestyle choices before you marry; where to live, how many kids to have, how to raise them, religion, discipline, education, career goals
>accept there are certain things that won't change about your partner, whether it's that they leave everything out after they make a sandwich, or always leave water all over the sink in the morning, or fart a lot, everyone has annoying shit about them that will never change, accept that shit and quit bitching, or move on.
>make sure the shit you disagree on will not be an eventual deal breaker.
That's all I can think of for now.
>>17294524
i found mine on okcupid
things to look for:
never smokes, never drinks, never does drugs
works out, works hard at work, cares about moving up in life
loves eating healthy and taking care of herself
also loves great food and enjoying herself
doesn't go to parties etc, never has
doesn't have male friends
>>17294555
Unless you like all those things.
>>17294614
If you like all those (negative) things, you don't have the personal foundation to form strong relationships, and you won't be in relationships with other people who have it either.
>>17294555
>doesn't go to parties etc, never has
>doesn't have male friends
>>17294644
I'll tell that to my spouse of nearly 15 years, and we will have a good laugh.
>>17294686
/s/spouse/dealer
>>17294671
if you want to find a good woman, drop the pretense that you have any idea (you don't) and listen to me.
>>17294694
>listen to me cause I lucked out on some woman who I have on a leash
Okay pal
>>17294701
I don't "have her on a leash" whatsoever. She doesn't go to parties because she's not white trash, not because I tell her she can't.
people who party, drink, smoke, etc past their college years are garbage. Sorry that you have gauged ears and can't get a job and are fully irrelevant to the world.
>>17294710
Where did you get the idea that people only go to parties if they're white trash and want to get drunk out of their sensibilities? You sure are projecting a lot.
30 year old married guy here. I never understood people who keep pushing the "you have to surrender about everything" garbage. The marriages that fall apart are the ones where people give up too much of themselves to be "acceptable". Find someone similar enough to you that the differences are almost unnoticeable. And most importantly, get someone who is VERY similar in cleanliness and responsibility. You don't need to be someone's mother/father figure.
>>17294710
Alternatively, you can marry someone stupid in your college years and grow up together.
>>17294710
> There is only one kind of party, and only white trash goes to them.
Ok Victorian era grandpa.
>>17294555
>>17294555
Toppest of keks.
>>17294555
I do believe this is sound advice. I'll just have to believe in myself enough to see those traits as worthy of my mind instead of just looking toward the fucking.
I swear i see girls and just want to fuck so my mind just side lines those good girls immediately.
>>17294789
It sucks
>>17294789
here's one that's hard for many guys to understand and really shouldn't be
the hottest women are usually the worst women. average looking women are usually 10 times better people.
If you grow up pretty, as a woman, what incentive is there to ever get better in life? Everyone makes everything easy for you every step of the way and you're told how special you are. Do you think this generates good personalities?
My girlfriend is a 6. I'm being generous. I've been with her for 6 years and she's the most amazing person I've ever met. Sometimes I worry about being less attracted to her as she ages, and then I remember that 90% of women fall off a fucking cliff in terms of attractiveness in their late 30s. So what the fuck does it really matter, when she can make me laugh and sucks my dick to make me feel good when I'm down?
This feels like such obvious advice to give but..Actually look at girls' personalities.
>>17294466
>I'm assuming your marrage was for love.
Actually a relatively new concept. Marriages, for the longest time, were primarily to unite and build families and preserve wealth.
Don't get me wrong, "love" is still important, but it's not the be all, end all, and the idea that it is, combined with female entitlement is why divorce rates are out of control.
"I'm not happy anymore." So fucking what? Love fades after the honeymoon phase. If you've had kids with someone and they've invested time, emotion, and based life and career choices around you reciprocating their commitment to you, your happiness doesn't mean you get to destroy all that.
How does marriage last?
>>17294513
This based motherfucker has it right on the nose, and he's a lot less cynical than me.
A marriage lasts when both partners acknowledge that there are things more important than being blissful 24/7, it comes from being realistic about one's self and others and not setting fantastic expectations.
Unfortunately, these are absurdly rare traits in the world in which we live.
The other thing is, why do you even want to get married? Basically any answer other than "I want to have kids" is a really shitty one.
I'd be happy to elaborate as to why, but I hope I don't have to. Just in case, the tl;dr: any action undertaken without purpose is doomed to failure. If you're not getting married with the intent of starting and building a family, then you're getting married because it's a thing to do, and because the romanticism of throwing a party that's all about idealizing you and whoever you happen to be fucking at the moment appeals to your ego. The honeymoon ends, the butterflies die, and eventually you're stuck with someone and you don't even know what for, because there is no answer to that question.
>>17294802
Thanks, i suppose thats sound theory.
