What Could I Have Done Better

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Anonymous
What Could I Have Done Better 2016-06-23 14:25:35 Post No. 17285250
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What Could I Have Done Better Anonymous 2016-06-23 14:25:35 Post No. 17285250 [Report]

I matched this girl on Tinder who I've known remotely the past couple of years but never really connected with beyond saying hello to in the work place.

I asked for her number and then asked her to come to the beach with me. She agreed. So we hang out at the beach for a while, like a few hours. We're talking and sharing a lot about ourselves, our music tastes, etc. We seem to get along really well, I'm enjoying the moment and so is she. I do things like touch or hold her hand, put my hand on her leg or put my arm around her so I don't seem like too much of a "friend".

I offer to buy her dinner and she agrees. We go out to eat and we're listening to music in the car and I'm blown away because she has music tastes that are almost identical to my own, hah.

Later that evening she starts talking about her ex, how they dated on and off for a couple of years. I asked if she's still seeing him she says no. Apparently she thinks she fucked up by not being honest about her past with him (it actually sounds to me like she's still sorta into this dude). I mention that I've been single the past 5 years and it just hasn't worked out with the girls I've gone on dates with, she says "yeah I should probably be single for a while too, I haven't been since I moved down here". After some more words I just hold her hand and say "well I do really like you but we can go whatever pace you want, if at all". She just smiles and says "I think I just need friendship and support right now".

I know this is the kiss of death. I know it is. But I'm hoping to find out what I did wrong so I don't repeat the same mistakes. Was I coming on too strong with telling her I like her so soon? Should I have just changed the subject away from ex-talk? Should I have not been more mysterious? Or was there nothing I could have done and I just ended up not being her type?

Curious to know any thoughts. Pic totally unrelated.

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Anonymous 2016-06-23 14:34:33 Post No.17285270
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Anonymous 2016-06-23 14:34:33 Post No.17285270 [Report]

The advice everyone is given for getting over a relationship is to go out with someone new. People do that and end up on dates when they really aren't ready to be. No way of knowing if you could have done anything, we'd have to read her mind and be able to measure how not ready to date again she was.

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Anonymous 2016-06-23 14:48:01 Post No.17285311
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Anonymous 2016-06-23 14:48:01 Post No.17285311 [Report]

>>17285270
>No way of knowing if you could have done anything, we'd have to read her mind and be able to measure how not ready to date again she was.

Not sure if this would help, but to recap some of the things she said

1.) She had started dating a guy almost immediately after moving down here
2.) She then got involved with another guy for a very short period
3.) She mentioned that she can be "difficult to handle". She said maybe some day she can find somebody who can handle her flaws. I ask what her flaws are and she said that she can be closed off and just start ignoring people etc. (to be honest this sort of thing does not bother me at all, I've learned to not take it personally).

I figure either she's trying to let me down gently, or she's actually kind of afraid it won't work out so she's pushing me away. Both seemed equally plausible, I was just curious to know if folks here thought this was her "friend zoning" me (I mean this in a non-resentful, non-bitter way) or if it's something else.

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Anonymous 2016-06-23 15:01:34 Post No.17285348
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Anonymous 2016-06-23 15:01:34 Post No.17285348 [Report]

>>17285311
Both seem equally plausible to me. Just saying it's hard to tell if you messed up or not. She may have been the one who messed up and went on a date when she wasn't ready to commit. Avoiding talking about her ex possibly could have helped the date, but she still may have thought of him herself the next day and texted you saying "I'm not over my ex, I'd rather just be friends for now." And you'd still be confused, wondering what you did wrong.

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Anonymous 2016-06-23 15:08:41 Post No.17285377
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Anonymous 2016-06-23 15:08:41 Post No.17285377 [Report]

You didn't do anything wrong. Think about if this story was reversed and you started blabbering about your ex to a girl you were on a date with. People would call you retarded and say you fucked up big time.

She shouldn't have spoke about her ex and she's clearly not over him. There's nothing you could've done short of being a clone of that guy, so don't beat yourself up over it.

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Anonymous 2016-06-23 15:08:54 Post No.17285379
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Anonymous 2016-06-23 15:08:54 Post No.17285379 [Report]

>>17285348
Right, that makes sense. Worth a shot to keep trying, or should I just give up and move on?