Guys. I dont really know what the fuck to do in a date, what am I supposed to do, talk all the time?
Im talking about the usual date, you know, dinner, lunch, going for a walk, etc.
>>17285196
Talk, listen, be attentive and keep topics like religion and politics to yourself.
>>17285199
wouldnt she be bored? I would be
>>17285196
talk about what you like and find intersting, talk about politics and religion. Don't talk about sex or a relationship.
in the best case you really have just met someone you find very interesting, ask questions.
extroverted outspoken girls are easy mode, they will basically lead you through the talking and will ask you quite a lot of questions.
Also the place and the setting isnt that important, it will always matter more, how you two get along. I had a pretty bad idea: took my girl on the first date to a english second hand book store, when we are in a non english speaking country. She is also introverted and relatively quiet, so we didnt talk a lot, but it still worked out and we are now BFGF.
>>17285207
Bored with talking? What the fuck else do you do? Stare at her?
>>17285233
dunno, i find one-on-one conversations draining and with no purpose, and its fucking me up on dates
>>17285224
thanks man
>>17285305
Well then don't go on them, or have any friends, or any social life. Problem sorted.
>>17285308
I think what OP means is that conversations make sense when you are hanging out with a friend but on a date you'd think something different would happen rather than just being there talking to a girl.
For example if you go on a rollercoaster or to a videogame arcade on your date (both seem to not be date material anymore unfortunately) there's more to it going on, you can do more stuff to bond than just talk.
>>17285308
im this way dude, i cant change it, it sucks
>>17285318
Gonna have to talk eventually. Can't just sit beside eachother on a rollercoaster for 5 months until you feel a friendship has developed.
>>17285325
Yes, of course. Unless you are the guy from Drive.
OP here, this happens with everyone, not just a gf. I go for a few drinks with a friend and I find myself there talking about things I dont give a shit about, it's something that distracts me and throws me out of the conversation.
Should I talk a therapist about this?
>>17285362
Mmm I don't know, maybe your mind is busy on some other problems and that's why you can't focus? I'm sometimes hanging out with friends but can't hold a conversation because I'm worried about other problems.
And is there anything you DO give a shit about when talking? I kind of feel the same as you but didn't really think of it as a problem until right now. I do enjoy conversations with certain people. And yah girls who can have a good conversation are always taken.
OK, i was a late bloomer and went only to a hand full of dates in my life and it always worked good because I was looking for a girl that I get along with the way I do with my friends.
two girls I didn't get along with and it was just that one date.
two girls I got along with and those became my GFs later on
one girl wasnt really a match, but she was pretty horny, and was close fucking me on the first date.
you are not there to suffer, you are there to have fun and see, if she can offer you a good time. If she is boring as hell and you dont have a good time, leave it be, split the bill and never see her again.
It's a it like a lottery, you never know what you get. (Unless a girl writes you first, those are either dumb or just looking for sex, 99% of the times, but you give them a chance anyways because sex is never really dull, unless its a fat chick)
If you are bad at talking with women, start slow and make a female friend first. Take a girl in your social circle that you have already decided you are not interested in and talk to her, do stuff with her, party with her. For me that was the roommate of a good bro of mine. She was nice, fun, extroverted. but extremely short and her room was always a mess, so i knew i wouldnt be romantically interested in her and became friends with her. got introduced to a few female friends and did a few things in a girls group as the only guy and it was great and tought me a lot.
Same year I had my first GF
>>17285362
become an information sponge and good listener then. a lot of things that are not interesting to you at the moment, sings that might be cringe worthy or hurtfull make some of the best stories later on and good anekdotes.
But become an active speaker and part of the conversation when things get interesting for you.
beeing a great listener is a really great quality and few people are.
Listening is what makes extroverted people successfull. When they have enough sensory qualities to not jsut talk bullshit, thats when they get attention and girls litterally throwing themselves at them. And fro introverted people, listening makes them great friends: A man by his word, a guy who's every word is profound and important
>>17285196
When I went to a date with my biggest crush ever, it was so bad. There was lots of awkward silence. We discussed movies. It was horrible. She was so angelic and kind do have mercy to go out with me (it was my first date ever, and the last one for now).
She never wanted to go out with me again. I was devastated.
>>17285638
I'm terrified this is gonna be me when I ever go out with someone on a first date. That sounds totally like me.
People trying to give advice on this matter make it sound like it's so simple, just go and talk to her pfffft. I'm starting to wonder if they are actually trying to hide the real answer so that "it's not so easy" for others.
>>17285662
I was chatting with her on Normiebook for two months before we went out. We had some deep conversations. First time I asked her out, she refused, but the second time she agreed. We continued chatting for three more months untill she said she went out with me because of courtesy. That's when I decided that I will commit Sudoku... But look at me... I'm still alive but might as well be dead.
>>17285681
sounds like shyness
OP here again, I think that what I dont like about conversations is that I think that I have to entertain the partner im talking with, and in conversations I almost always think that Im boring her/him.
Its a frustrating situation, am I insecure?
>>17286111
I know that feel. Yah it may have to do with low self esteem or insecurity I think. I sort of got over it a bit by hearing other people's conversations and noticing that they aren't super entertaining either. I mean each will have their own thoughts about each conversation but I hear friends talking to each other, couples talking to each other, and they sound bored as fuck very often. You are probably fine and maybe talking to random strangers on the bus helps you get some self esteem, it sort of worked for me, because I feel that by being "extroverted" by talking to strangers I'm above other people who wouldn't.
>>17285196
you can determine very quickly who is the talker and who is the listener.
if you find yourself with someone that insists upon being the listener and doesn't want to open up then adapt and take on the role of the talker.
if you don't want to spend the energy to do such a thing then sit there in silence.
>>17286111
No you are not insecure. The way you think shows you are confident enoug to hold a normal conversation.
What is a normal date for you OP?
Taking a walk through the city? Dinner? Or meeting at a cafe?
There are several ways you can show up on those dates. But the first rule is be there early. It takes away your shyness because you are the one who waits so it is all about the other one. Make jokes and be true to yourself. Be honest to her and especially make her comfortable. Make compliments and say she looks beautiful. It is not too much to say it on the first date. Hey you two are dating each other. The best you can do is not to think about what you could say. Just try it and say whatever you want to. Talk about how you two met each other. Was it in the city on the market or something like that.
>>17286120
I agree, some people are just not fun to talk to and it's probably not your fault if there's awkward silences.
I recently met a girl that seems to be the friendliest most easy going person ever. I'm interested in the psychological side of conversations so I over analyze stuff now. I noticed that she has no trouble switching to a very loosely related topic before the conversation runs out of steam. For example, discussing movies, then suddenly she mentions her trip to Disney. Discussing college, then talking about art, then talking about life. I notice her picture in the cellphone and we start talking about pets. Don't be afraid of being random. Mention current events or events that happened in your life that are the slightest bit relevant if you run out of stuff to say. Smile when you talk and sound nice and a little bit excited, I think that makes people likeable because the other person would feel like they can talk to you easily and that you yourself aren't bored by them. But if the other person is still a boring dull fuck it's not your fault.
Either way my favorite saying is "better to remain silent and appear stupid than opening your mouth to confirm it".
>>17285638
I know that feel, in my case I was so worried that I would fuck up that I didn't made any advantages and play it safe the entire night.
>>17285196
It sounds cheesy but if you can't really be yourself why are you even on the date in the first place?
>>17285804
She wasn't shy. Her Stacy girlfriends thought I was weird.
>>17285323
Then you should remain alone.
>>17286315
>he thinks the stacy meme is real
Dude the point of the chad meme is that every girl is a stacy
>>17286190
This tbqh senpai.
A first date is a great way to evaluate how you click with that person. The conversation shouldn't be hard or forced. If it is filled with a lot of awkward conversation and silences, you probably should move on. I don't know what else you're supposed to do on a date other than talk, spend time together, and do whatever activity it might be that you picked out. Recently went on a date last week where we had a late lunch then hit up a brewery and shot the shit for 4 hours.
>>17286190
because i love her
