Really need some help here /adv/
Some of you may remember me, I've posted over the last year about a relationship I've had a really hard time with,
To make it short and sweet, I developed extremely strong feelings for a girl (unknowing to me at the time) who was extremely emotionally unstable. About 3 months into dating she had a pretty traumatic life experience (her brother blew his brains out right in front of her). She went off the grid on me and it took months for us to start talking again - only for her to abandon me yet again for a reason I still don't know the answer to.
Fast forward 7 months or so. I haven't spoken to her since November of last year. I've been living my own life and trying to be happy without her. Started a new job, hooked up with a couple of girls way above my pay grade - got my confidence back up to where it should be. That sort of thing.
About a week ago, I was drunk at a bar with some friends and I got a snapchat request from her. Since I had been drinking, I accepted. We haven't communicated, but she's looked at every single snap I've posted since I added her.
IMO she's either lonely and just looking for a way to keep tabs on me without actually committing to coming back into my life, or there's something greater working here.
I guess I need advice on what to do? I haven't tried to call/text her in 7 months or so. I figured we'd never speak again. For whatever reason it's been over a year since all of this went down and I still can't shake the feelings she left with me.
Are you the same dude who talking to me about heavy drinking? If so I think I remember you
>>17283610
Ya that was probably me. I developed a nasty drinking habit from this whole thing. I had been doing well up until recently when I kind of relapsed lol
>>17283590
If you still have those kind of feelings for her, I say there is still time to find out where her head is at.
I think she got up enough nerve to reach out to you, and used snapchat as the "in"
She might be waiting for you to call, you know "make a move". She started the ball rolling; just don't expect her to be all "i'm sorry blah blah blah"
Sometimes people aren't ready for shit, and they move on, only to later realize how good/happy it was before, and want to get it back.
I say text her and start chatting. You will know pretty quickly what she is thinking about. Maybe there is still something there, maybe she is still messed up; you will know if you reach out.
You have nothing to lose; at least you will know either way. And if not, you obviously can pull chicks you thought you couldn't before, so keep aiming higher if she isn't down with a relationship again
>>17283616
I definitely don't have anything to lose - I'm more afraid of falling back into the same cycle I was in for 4-5 months. I lost a lot of self-worth and basically just blocked out all of my friends in trade for drinking by myself and drowning in my own sorrows every night.
I guess that's why I'm still terrified of this whole thing. I'd give my left nut to have her back and have things back to the way they were before this all happened. But I don't want to fall back down after I worked so damn hard to pull myself out of it
If that makes sense..
>>17283590
>IMO she's either lonely and just looking for a way to keep tabs on me without actually committing to coming back into my life,
You pretty much answered your own question, I would ditch the thought of you guys having anything together if I was in your position, just to keep my sanity.
>or there's something greater working here.
Very doubtful.
>>17283637
What sucks is I worked so hard to get my own damn sanity back and I was doing really well. Then she does something as arbitrary as add me on fucking snapchat and I feel like I've regressed back to where I was 5 months ago
>>17283631
Absolutely - Heartbreak hurts, but if you didn't feel that, you wouldn't have been in love.
She seems like she has been through alot. I wouldn't expect her to be able to be in a full loving relationship until she has moved on from the trauma. The more supportive you are, like "always being there", in time things might work out perfect.
I don't know how old you are, but life is LONG, so live it and take what comes in stride, and chalk it up to experience. You never know, there might be another one out there that will triple those feelings.
YOU control your feelings, so don't let anyone close to you until you are sure, no matter how long it takes. That way, you can still be on top of your game - keep your current mindset while texting this one, and stay there, even if she does want to meet up. Imagine her like one of those upper league girls you snuck into, so you can keep your feelings close
>>17283685
I'm in my mid 20's. I'm decently attractive, in shape, successful. Not trying to gloat but I have enough going for me to be in another relationship right now if I really wanted to be. I've dated a few girls in the interim but nothing has really felt right. I usually end up axing the whole thing because I'm still wrapped up in this other girl.
She's always known I'm here for her - but she hasn't really taken advantage of that. She's a pretty independent girl by nature though so it doesn't surprise me.
I see what you're saying though. Just get back in touch and if she responds just play it like I have been and see what she does with it.
>>17283700
Right - Keep the feeling close with the hookup girl mindset. I'm not saying you wont feel nothing, but by the time you wake up the next day, if she isn't ready yet, to try and act like she hasn't contacted you.
Maybe she's got the touch on you, and you just don't know it. If she is one of those glowing free spirit girls, they can drive you crazy. If so, all can say is toughen up those feelings and stick it out. I've kept in contact with women for 20 years so far. Never been married, but some of them are. If there is really a "true connection" then whenever she figures out its you, she will be there, maybe years from now. Who knows?
>>17283685
>I don't know how old you are, but life is LONG, so live it and take what comes in stride, and chalk it up to experience.
>but life is LONG
Sorry to break it to you but life isn't long at all. Don't give bullshit advice to op, not everyone is going to remain forever single just to wait and see if a single pussy is going to open for you or not.
Op life is quite short, live to the fullest, tell the people who are important to you how you feel about them (family, friends, etc) and the best advice I can give you is move on. Do not let this girl's depression drag you down with her once again.
>>17283715
Thanks anon. Really appreciate it
>>17283727
Dude you "always be there" for all of them, and over time you will always get a visit to catch up, and some drinks later knock it off again. Its way better to take the frosting than make the cake. When the right one comes along, you make the move for "forever" but don't hurry - you don't need to be married to have a kid. If you get laid, one most likely will appear.
