I'm going on a date on thursday (my first ever, for that matter) with a girl who I suspect is pretty straight-edge and somewhat old-fashioned. It'll just be coffee, so no stress (yet).
Here's the kicker though; although we share a lot of interests apparently, I smoke weed almost daily and I've not mentioned this yet.
I can't hide it forever, and I'm not gonna lie about it if the subject should come up. But how do I avoid her seeing me as some degenerate junkie, or worse, as a liar who held this back to get into her pants? I'm obviously not gonna walk through the door and say "Hi, nice to meet you. Btw, I'm a stoner"
Any general first date advice also welcomed.
>>16492731
You're acknowledging that smoking weed every day is a bad thing, so maybe that should hint you towards slowing it down a little. Smoke a couple of times a week.
I smoke like once or twice a month, because I don't have time between social occasions, driving places, work, gym, etc.
>>16492738
Well, I'm not super proud of it, but it hasn't really affected my life. I used to spend most of my nights playing video games and shit, now that I live together with a few of my stoner friends, we just light up a joint whenever there's nothing else to do for the night.
Whenever I'm with non-smoking people, I can have a good time without smoking though. It's just a different experience. I've never been much of a party person, but I do still have a social life.
The question was about how open I should be about this on a first date, though.
Bump. The board is going fast today.
tl;dr - When and how to tell a girl you smoke weed almost daily.
>>16492746
It's kind of a tough one, I guess what I'd do is just - if it comes up - explain that it doesn't really negatively effect your day to day life and that there is a lot of negative stigmata around the drug that she should try to look past.
If she's intelligent and / or open minded she'll hopefully be open to discussion at the very least, and if not, who cares. Don't let people change you.
In saying that, coming from someone who has been around that drug quite a lot, beit myself smoking or knowing many smokers - make sure you're smoking a suitable amount. I treat it like alcohol, LSD, caffeine, etc and just use it occasionally (this doubles as a way to keep your tolerance level down, which makes the effects better)
>>16492828
Well, in my experience what people call a "suitable" amount varies greatly. In my case, I smoke about 2 grams a week tops.
I appreciate the pointers though. She 'should' be and appears somewhat intelligent at least, but girls will be girls and I fear upbringing has a great effect on people's ideas about recreational drug use.
>>16492840
Sorry, the ''suitable amount'' bit was a bit off topic, and yeah it does vary from user to user and situation to situation. I need to focus on not pushing my opinions so much.
Good luck with the date. Honestly, if it doesn't worry you, it shouldn't worry a worthy partner.
Maybe even tell a white lie, say you smoke is fairly casually (don't use the word daily.)
>>16492854
I try not to lie as much as possible, but the good news is that technically speaking I don't smoke daily since I'm in a non-smoking environment in the weekend. I'll figure it out, thanks. (no offense taken btw, your opinions are just as valid as anyone else's and they do contribute to the topic in this case).
>>16492731
Don't mention the weed til you've sussed out her actual attitudes about it. Wait til the conversation comes around to drugs or something somewhat related (like...idk, victimless crime or alcohol or something), and then throw out a few feelers, maybe relate a "friend of a friend" weed story or something to gauge her reaction.
You never know. For example I have a friend who's a minister, wears modest clothes and almost no makeup, and lives kind of a hermit life. She always looks like she just got back from bible study. But she's slept with quite a few people and has some surprisingly cosmopolitan attitudes regarding sex and drugs. You really never know how someone feels on a topic like that until you get to know them.
>>16492946
You make some good points.
The "friend of a friend-story" thing seems a little obvious, though, or I might just not get the idea completely.
>>16492965
Yeah I wasn't very clear on that, sorry. I don't mean that you should just straight out of nowhere be like "yeah I have a, uh, friend of a friend who smokes weed constantly," that would be pretty obvious. I meant more like:
>talking about family
>mention a cousin who did something goofy/funny while drunk
>gauge her reaction
>let's say for the sake of argument she laughs and tells a story of her dad doing something funny drunk
>now you're talking about funny drunk stories so funny high stories aren't as big of a leap
>tell a story you heard from a friend about their buddy who did something silly while high
Obviously the conversation probably won't unfold exactly like that, but that's an example. The trick to steering a conversation is to just nudge it a tiny bit at a time. It's like playing that 5 clicks to Hitler game on Wikipedia, but you have the whole conversation to do it in, so you can take your time.
>>16492989
Sounds like something I could do. I have experience with this, most of my friends and acquaintances know about my smoking habit through conversations like these, and while they occasionally joke about it, I've yet to receive a downright negative reaction.
I just think it's a somewhat different situation in a dating context, so I wasn't entirely sure.
>>16493057
>I just think it's a somewhat different situation in a dating context, so I wasn't entirely sure.
Kinda, but at the heart of it, it's still just about talking to each other and getting to know each other - just for a romantic purpose instead of just friendship.
And not to be pessimistic but you never know, some other dealbreaker might come up long before you ever broach the weed topic. She might be a furry or one of those ladies who writes fan letters to serial killers or something.
>>16493082
For all I know, she might be fat, lol (it's a tinder date).
>>16492731
first of all I would say until the subject comes up, you haven't lied to her about it. Like you said, you don't go around saying "Hi, I'm Jim I smoke weed".
So unless she asks, just don't bring it up for now. Get her to know you better before bringing it up. (If she asks if you smoke weed, say something in the lines of "yes occasionally").
From my own experience I can tell you that even people who are against weed smoking judge you very differently once they got to know you first. If she doesn't immediately see that you're a stoner he views on the matter will most likely be different after she's known you for a while.
And also it's always good to have some good arguments up your sleeves for when the subject comes up and she tells you why she doesn't like it. Just you know, the general stuff, its better than alcohol and all that.
If she really has something against weed, you can at least try to convince her that her views on the matter are flawed.
A lot of people actually don't know that much about weed and just have this general idea of stoner.
And if all that fails, well, then move on. If you like to smoke weed and she is totally against it, she's not the one for you anyway.
Unless you want to stop smoking for her. Which I doubt
>>16493192
>unless you want to stop smoking for her. Which I doubt
I wouldn't, not long-term anyway. The scumbag in me is considering quitting for a while, just to get some relationship experience, but I try to control that scumbag inside. Thanks for your advice, seems reasonable. It helps that I don't look like a pothead (no dreadlocks and shit).
