A few of you guys on here said I was acting like a child, and I figured it was worth looking into, so now I'm trying to think more logically.
Basically, my Mom is an asshole. She talks shit about me a lot and then denies it, saying it's all in my head. She also likes to get close to people that I tell her I don't like, and it almost feels like she does it out of spite. I truly feel like she's against me.
To be fair, I put her through a lot when I was young and 'partying'. I don't think she doesn't love me, deep down, but I think she's overcome with resentment because of some of the things I did. I feel it necessary to say I was in a really, really, traumatized dark place and couldn't respond to help.
Anyway, the condescending attitude and tone of voice, and the constant barrage of bullshit associated with living with her has led me to believe I need to move out. I don't feel comfortable or welcomed there anymore.
Frankly... I don't know if it's just me. Maybe I'm the one who makes her treat me poorly. Maybe I come off as an idiot. Maybe I'm at fault for how she feels about me. I don't really like to admit it, though.
What should I do? What can I do, to salvage our relationship? I'm not even sure if it's possible, or even worth it desu. Maybe I should cut her out of my life entirely? I just hate to have her hurt or worry because I don't talk to her, but at the same time I should think about my own feelings to- right?
>>17274558
Not everyones lucky enough to have a mother op. Id be more grateful if i was you. I cant make decisions for you but if you were on your deathbed tomorrow, wouldnt you look over the pettiness and hope your mom was there for you? Be the bigger man/woman anon. Our loved ones can hurt us the most because we care about them the most but they are what matters most, at least from my perspective. Your mother loves you and it kinda sounds like your running away from her or yourself?
Women have a strange way of communicating, but a mothers intuition is solid. Maybe she talks shit because she wants you to do better? It could be her way of coping. Regardless of the reality of it, if you'd quit fucking up there would be no shit to talk
>>17274573
It doesn't seem like a little thing for her to talk shit about me and try to make me come off as literally retarded to anyone around her. It makes me very angry and makes me want to uppercut her in the cunt. I mean, should I just look past it? It just feels like such a betrayal, and a part of me thinks "fuck her, she did this to hurt me, so she did this to herself, I don't care if she worries or feelsbad when I cut contact"
At the same time, I pick up what you're putting down. She does take good care of me. Cooks for me and even helps me with laundry and whatnot. So, I should appreciate her more, but my anger for what she does to me supersedes anything nice she does for me.
I'm just very confused as to how to handle this. My old reaction would be to give that bitch the middle finger, do a dick spin, and fly out of there, but I want to try a new way.
Maybe I could bullshit her. Pretend like I don't know about her betraying me, tell her I'm better and excited about the future, put a smile on my face and hug her goodbye. That way, she doesn't worry as much, and I get to leave. I'd still be mad, but it would be the less drama-filled way to go.
>>17274579
No. No no no. I've been sober for six months and have held a full-time job that I've advanced in greatly. I don't know what I've been "fucking up" about at all. Even in the past, when I was a kid, and when I was a teenager, she was very critical about anything I did or said. It's not just me that took note of that, because it's plain to see. I doubt she did it to toughen me up, lol, I think she did it because she was abused as a kid and has a father that's critical himself, so she thinks it's ok. I think she's kind of an idiot.
What bothers me the most, I think, is she ruins my reputation with these people she shit talks about me. So, when they're around me, they act like she does... kind of snobby and condescending, like I'm an idiot. I -hate- being treated like an invalid. I used to be able to brush it off when I was younger, because I figured those same people were stupid to begin with, but I've taken so much shit from people over the years that I just don't have a tolerance for it anymore. I get defensive and have gotten into full on fights over shit like that (not physical...)
I'm trying not to be like that though, but it's fucking tough. I don't like being disrespected, I don't like holding my tongue when I am, I don't like feeling like a meek beta.
>>17274604
OP were have more in common than id like to admit, at least pertaining to this topic. What you have to do is control your anger. If you cant, youre a child or a bitch.
No other way around it. Get away from your mother. The relationship youre describing is bad for both of you, and time apart (as bad as it sounds) could really benefit your relationship with her. DO NOT bring up anything shes said before. Let it go. If your plan on spending your life with a woman, thisll be good practice for that. Love her unconditionally and help others by being a damn fine example.
No one enjoys being disrespected, and being modest to your loved ines does not make you beta. In fact the only thing that makes anyone beta is believing that you are, and not doing anything about it.
>>17274633
Good advice aside from the dickishness at the beginning, thanks.
>>17274669
Dont mention it. Godspeed and luck, op
