>>17270039

Probably not, but you're right mental institution are shitty, you don't have many options besides fill your life with busy shit just to distract yourself from thinking what you're thinking. Or you could go to a psychologist, psychotherapist and gradually explaining what's wrong, while avoiding the "I want to kill myself a lot" he will help you re-think your life, without knowing the depth of it.

Also philosophy is amazing there, reading a lot of it will help you get over it this feeling to help you grow mentally and get to a point of static euphoria with a few bluesy moments, that's probably better than your situation atm.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuwYvFlNGns

But let's talk less abstract and ask the question : Why do you want to kill yourself ?

>>17270039
What country do you live in?

>>17270039
You probably won't be institutionalized if you tell them you have had/have suicidal thoughts. But it you hint at a future plan to kill yourself you definitely will be.

>>17270039
if you recognize it, and you feel guilty, then you can work on it your self.

As someone who has been to hospital psych wards 5 times, 1 time in a jail psych ward and 2 long, miserable years in a psych rehab, I agree. But I have come to terms with it. As harsh as this may sound, the truth of the matter is that nobody cares, nobody gives a flying shit about you or your problems unless they are of tangible benefit or detriment and the only person that is getting unraveled and all worked up over it is you.

I genuinely believe that the psych wards exist as testing grounds for atypical antipsychotics, antidepressants etc. In layman's terms, it's a human guinea pig farm. It makes no sense that psychiatrists are paid huge amounts of money when you're lucky to even see them in a psych ward. I believe that they are paid so well because the pharmaceutical industry pays them well; to use them to trial new medications on patients. While the subject seems to be kept hush-hush, the fact is that those meds you're taking are potentially harmful to your body and in some cases fatal. The nurses will tell you that it's for the best and that taking medication will improve your quality of life, but they fail to realize that they have generalized life and have given a "one size fits all" mentality to mental health issues.

People need to realize that your problems are unique to you, and only you. You're the one that has to come to terms with it and find a solution to it. Psychs and Doctors tend to hinder more than help.

I used to be a heavy smoker, alcoholic and a drug addict. I quit everything. Completely sober now, not even coffee touches me. It wasn't AA or NA or the 2 years in rehab that saved me, it was that after 3 years I saw through the veil of manipulation and deceit that clouded my eyes. The realization that people never cared and they only interacted with me because they either wanted things or they wanted to bolster their own vain purposes.

>>17270864
I'm sad about this too anon. Nobody cares

Little secret: this is why I used to shoplift. I was a little ghost. I had no friends. No one cared about me. So I stole shit to see what I could get away with.

Despite my better judgement I just stole something that was $2.50 the other day. It was clearance, its mod deleted (it has no home or place, therefore is not on inventory and won't be missed or even remembered).

Even if it won't be recorded anywhere that it's missing, I still feel bad for pulling it off. Because I enjoy where I work.

At the same time nobody fucking cares lol

>>17270303

This, the general rule is that you won't be involuntarily committed unless you're an immediate danger to yourself or others. You can talk about suicidal ideation with doctors and therapists without that happening. Regarding telling a family member, I guess use your judgement, since they might try and do it if they don't understand if the threat is immediate or not.

>>17270870
The best advice I can give you is tell every faggot out there to go fuck themselves. Focus on your life and the quality of it. Do things that you want to do and not what everyone else wants you to. I may be speaking from a cynical point of view but after 3 years of going through psych wards, rehabs and other institutions I now live by myself on a one bedroom apartment. I have nothing to show for those 3 years gone and if I could turn back the clock I would've quoted Anarchy Reigns and said to the psychs and doctors; "you don't know me and you don't know what I'm going through, so fuck you and your lame ass point of view"

Once you start coming to terms with nobody giving a fuck and start doing things you want life becomes easier. Try to do everything by yourself. Live a life where you're #1 and you need absolutely no one else's help. Trust me, the satisfaction you get when you can successfully run your own shit is glorious. Parents start respecting you, bitches want your dick, it's crazy.

>>17270894
I really like that quote. I can tell this advice is coming from someone who knows his shit.

Do you essentially mean becoming more selfish? Because I already make it a hobby of taking care of myself

>>17270894
>Once you start coming to terms with nobody giving a fuck and start doing things you want life becomes easier. Try to do everything by yourself. Live a life where you're #1 and you need absolutely no one else's help. Trust me, the satisfaction you get when you can successfully run your own shit is glorious. Parents start respecting you, bitches want your dick, it's crazy.

What if you become more selfish but don't accomplish anything? Then you're just that asshole who lives with his parents and is a fat fuck with no job, but acts like he's better than everyone else.

>>17270926
The quote's from a game called Anarchy Reigns, look up the OST. I think that quote was from Gotta Get Cash. Mortified and Here We Go are my favorite songs, Unlimited Resources and Testin Me are good too.

It all depends on you and your beliefs and outlooks. Stay true to yourself, not true to others. I guess some may call me selfish, but look at it this way; people expecting me to do shit for them when I get no benefit out of it and in most cases, it's actually detrimental to me sounds way more selfish to me than me refusing to do what they want. Like I've said before, I used to smoke, drink, do drugs etc but I quit every single one of them. No medications, no withdrawal shit, completely cold turkey. I gave up because the drug scene is too manipulative. All those junkies and stoners weren't really my friends; they were just pretending to be because I could get on and I had the cash to do so. Because of this, I've developed a very cynical outlook on life. If anyone talks to me, the first question that's going through my head is "is this person talking to me because they want to, or are they talkimg to me because they want something?"

I get my kicks out of long term gratification now. If there's a longer way to town, I'll take it. Hell, someone left a shopping trolley about 1 km out of town. I said to myself fuck it. I ended up pushing that and two other trolleys I found on the way back to the grocery store it came from. Left it out the front for the trolley man to get.

>>17270942
Well, that's not who you want to be is it? Start learning shit, start doing shit. Get yourself into a routine. As I said before, wire yourself to be 100% independent. Make it so that people need you, not the other way around. Every weekday I'm down at some neighborhood centre in my town and I go on khanacademy and do nothing but math problems for at least 4 hours straight. By the time I get there, the place has only just opened at 8:30am and my clothes are drying on the line.