Okay lads. I know how to handle my own shit quite well, but I am absolutely stumped. Before I ask for the advice (obv why im on /adv/) here is a bit of backstory.
>enter my gf
>was in abusive relationship for 3 years
>guy was a complete cunt
>she loved him to bits
>eventually learnt he was bad and broke up with him
>also, he took her v card
So anyway, a few months into our relationship she starts chatting to this guy again. Now I'm not an insecure or controlling lad, i would understand if they were good friends, but this just makes no sense. He treated her less than dirt, why even would she want to speak with him. I got a bit worried and she promised she would never speak to him again.
>now been dating 7 months
>starts acting weird
>"Whats wrong?"
>Nothing anon...
>"I can tell when something is wrong"
>Theres nothing plz stop.
>"Is there something you should be telling me?
>... no....
Few weeks later
>gf has been acting weird
>"Ok enough, I love you, please tell me whats up"
>Im talking to him
Ask her why, she said shes sorry for breaking our promise. Claims she just wanted to see how he was doing, she doesn't see him as anything but a friend. How can you see him as a friend when you hated him for so long. I ask what they talked about. She doesnt want to tell me. Deletes the chat. Wont tell me anything because what they talked about will "hurt my feelings".
Eventually she admits that they talk about my and her current issues. /adv/ what the fuck do I do. I love this girl to bits, and I dont want to be controlling, but in my eyes shit like this makes no fucking sense...
Am I being controlling? What do...?
>pic not related
Op here.
I was told that what her and her ex talk about is none of my fucking business by her. I know I seem controlling but he was the opposite of a good boyfriend, this is a complete turn in attitude for her. I am shocked and lost as to how her abusive ex suddenly takes priority over me, when she claims I am the "best boyfriend shes ever had".
I end up quite upset (Yes call me beta blah blah blah.) She profusely apologizes and reassures me I did nothing wrong. I ask her if this means she will still be talking to him. "Yeah probably, its not a big deal".
>not a big deal
Before you say I am insecure. fuck. This guy would choke her, put his cigs out on her. He treated her like shit.
She's talking to her ex and telling you, her boyfriend, to fuck off when you pry.
Stand up for yourself man
>>17265148
And then I am told its none of my business what she talks to people about.
>she broke her promise
>its her ex
>what does she have to hide
In my opinion I have the incentive to know whats going on, don't I?
>>17265145
you are not being controlling nor an insecure fuck. You are being very naive if you think that you can stop her or convince her to stop. They are still working through their relationship and that includes shit talk about you as a possible barrier to them getting back together. I know it makes no sense because her actions and words do not sync. What she is doing is the truth not what she is saying. If you have any self respect left as she continues to daze and confuse you, take it and get out.
>>17265156
Yes you do, you have every right to know what the fuck she's saying to her ex. And if she still has a stick up her ass about it drop her like a bad habit. The point is you have to make it known you're not going to stand for that kind of bullshit and you have to especially hit home that she's not worth going through inane bullshit for
>>17265156
no you don't deserve anything however if she gave a shit about you she would offer. That tells me he is more important to her than you are and that will not change
>>17265169
She made me wait about 3 months before we started dating to make sure that "she was over him completely"
Are you saying there is a possibility she might still be trying to work shit out?
>>17265175
OP again. I know I don't deserve anything, privacy is privacy. I just thought that under these circumstances that the request might be valid.
>>17265170
if OP gives her an ultimatum she will drop OP. She has already made her choice and all that's left is OP admitting it and moving on.
>>17265178
it is a valid request and would be reasonable for her to provide detail if she cared for you and the relationship more than she does him
>>17265182
OP. Just a general update.
>after everything she apologized profusely
>said she thinks we should break up, as we are just 2 different people (No shit)
>When I ask her what shes talking about I am just told "If its always going to be like this I want out"
She always makes plenty of statements that tear my heart apart, but can never tell me what the fuck she means by them.
>later apologizes and says she didnt mean it all
>Just does not like conflict
>"Anon I you make me so happy"
>"Anon I love you so much"
>"Anon I dont know what id do without you"
She seems to be all happy and friendly today (All this shit went down yesterday). But the issue still has not been properly addressed, no clue where to even start, seeing as any form of conflict makes her go insane.
break up with her and run
One of the worst things she always says is
>You deserve so much better than me.
I honestly love her to bits /adv/. I don't think I would have it in me to leave her...
>>17265201
BREAK UP YOU FUCKING MORON
>>17265176
3 months is nothing OP and surely not long enough to be over him and why she's bounced right back into his orbit so easily. Not you but her problem. It sucks but it is never good to be the next guy after a woman is in an abusive relationship. Their head is fucked up
>>17265201
Break up with her man. All of the signs are there. The longer you stay with her, the more you're dragging it out. You can do better than her. Leave her and don't look back - you will not regret it
>>17265201
Fly you fool
>>17265212
OP.
I know I might be getting a bit irritating with my soft beta tendencies... But fuck. Is there not something I could for, for example, give her an ultimatum? But that would make me seem desperate and immature.
I want to fix things, but its near impossible when she doesn't want to talk about anything.
>>17265201
goddamn OP haven't you read a word. It's over for you two but she doesn't know how to make you go away. She wants the other guy
>>17265207
You better leave before you become a cuck. Or maybe already are but don't know it yet.
She made her choice, a choice that makes no sense at all for us men but for women making decisions are based on how they feel. Maybe the thrill of getting beat up and yelled at is what's pulling her back to the other dude.
Dump that bitch and move on
>>17265221
Give her the ultimatum and when she rejects it burn the motherfucker down
>>17265132
Dump her, she's a liar and has already shown be deceptive. It's logic, fuck your dumb ass heart
OP I am currently fucking my ex behind her current boyfriend's back.
Be wary that every time your girl starts talking to, being in touch with, or hanging out with (you're FUCKED if she is seeing him in person) they are getting it on together.
100% chance she is trying to bang her ex again.
I have the distinct feeling this thread will devolve into yet another exercise in people giving OP advice and OP clapping his hands over his ears yelling "BUT I LOVE HER"
>>17265221
You asked to know what is going on and she wanted to break up with you but my guess you got her to back off. An ultimatum only works if you are ready to walk and not look back. Your larger problem is she fucking sneaks behind your back. I don't know what I or any of the other anons have to say to convince you this is heading for shit and you are only dragging out the inevitable.
OP here for the last time.
I'm going to give the ultimatum. I respect you and your privacy, but under these circumstances I cant agree. An ex partner has no use in the present, as you have told me yourself before. If you cannot understand that, then sadly we have nothing left here.
I love her so much, but I honestly have given her my all. This is all I can do as of now. Fuck knows what ill do if everything goes to shit.
>>17265132
>was in abusive relationship for 3 years
You will learn to avoid girls like this.
>>17265244 again
trick is dude, you gotta not be a whiny needy paranoid bitch. First sign you see your girl talking to another dude or not telling you about it first hand, you gotta be a MAN once and tell her that is unacceptable. You find her talking to the dude again, you dont whine about it. You dump her ass.
Thank you all for the help. I appreciate it more than you think.
Have some memes as my attempt at thanks
>>17265244
my ex fabricated a big issue that resulted in a fight with her current ex and came to my house late night and fucked me. I sent her packing back to him the next morning because she is fucking crazy. I kinda feel bad for the dumb fucker
>>17265221
No, ultimatums don't work. One thing you have to realize is that you can never force someone to stop doing something they want to do. She wants to keep dicking around with her abusive ex, so let her.
You're wasting your time on her man. At this point, it's your own fault that you're letting her walk all over you like this. Man up, drop her, and move on - and whatever you do, DON'T stay in contact with her afterwards.
>>17265250
I hate she has been able to take your balls. You seem an ok guy but damn. No pussy is worth the humiliation
>>17265132
No it's not controlling if he was abusive. You're just concerned. What type of abuse? Emotional? Physical? Abusive partners tend to be very manipulative and good with mind games. She may be afraid of what happens if she doesn't at least maintain a friendly relationship. If you think she's into the guy then all you can really do is tell her that if she wants to make her bed that way she'll have to lie in and you won't be around to rescue her if she gets hurt again
>>17265145
Sounds like she may be afraid to completely cut him out. My mom cut off her abusive ex and he followed her to a bar and bashed her head open in the bathroom
>>17265292
that happens but she could tell OP of her fear it that was really it and it is not OP's problem. Plenty of fools that fall for women in these situations and the fool is the one with the bashed in head.
>>17265132
OP where are you from? This sounds familiar and would explain why my friend has been acting weird lately.
