Let's hear it.
Last thread: >>17247992
>guy shot my cat in the head
>same guy dropped my old dog off in the middle of the florida woods
>goes to prison for killing someone in a home invasion but apparently all the people in said home invasion fought each other for lenient court dates
>he only got four years for it
My only solace regarding this guy has been my parents giving me false hope with him getting capital punishment. Things never go my way though.
How do you deal with the desire to kill somebody without killing them?
>Lsd is my favorite thing to do. It's fun as hell and my depression/ anxiety lifts for about a month after I use it.
>I want to trip this weekend but my new roomate is 51 and obnoxiously straight edge
>Haven't even brought it up because I'm too much of a pussy to approach the issue.
>Don't want to just not tell him like some kid getting high while his parents aren't home
I don't even know what I'm afraid of. He won't kick me out if I'm on drugs and if he did (without any evidence) it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I might try convincing him that I'm doing it with the intention of fixing my psychology (which is true). But I don't know. I don't know why I feel so shit about asking/ telling him I'm doing this.
>>17257429
Just do it, then use his case as legal precedence so you only get 4 years.
Yo I have an exam at 9am and I accidentally slept till 12am then realised the exam is on a topic we had to independently study ourselves. I'm failing this subject and even if I start studying now i know I'll end up asleep by 3am and do terribly. I feel like my only option is to not go to my classes in the morning and instead get a doctors certificate (which will allow me to still sit my exam, not get any marks deducted etc the next day I'm back at school) and allows me to have today's classes off so I can atleast get some study done, go visit some friends, hang out and do some shopping (since I can't go home till around 5pm anyway)
Good idea?
I used to feel almost no empathy for people. Then I worked at a nursing home years ago, and slowly started developing it. Then I had a child, and my ability to empathize with people has gone through the fucking roof, to the point that I keep crying when I see the news.
Now that I have empathy in spades, I'm miserable most of the time. Every time I imagine someone being hurt, I feel sick. I miss being insensitive. I handled terrible news better when I was callous, and there's a lot of terrible news out there.
Well that was odd.
I had a dream where a old childhood friend was blowing me.
>Go to friends house
>After a while go to her room, and lock the door
>I sit down and she then proceeds to unbuckle my jeans
>Begins to blow, and is going at it nicely
>The my dick falls off. No Pain, nothing.
>I try to stick it back on, and after a while it works
>Her Sisters/friends walk in, both are a typical 9/10
>Still too scared to resume, as I don't want it falling off again.
>Just leave it, and watch some movie
I don't know why, but somehow I've gone and lost my physical attraction to people, or at least I find people attractive but then my mind just throws up these walls of 'she'll never like you/she'll use you/she's probably going to cheat on you' and all attraction drains. I mean, sure, that's how my interactions with women went for a long time, but it's only recently women stopped doing anything for me as sexual creatures period.
Now though, you slap out any art of 2D girls with long hair and busts and my libido comes screaming back. Hentai seems to be the only thing that scratches my itch for fetishes too, as it's all gotten way too extreme to talk about. (guro, scat, bdsm) but then, looking at IRL porn it all seems gross and mechanical, and not smooth and slick like drawn art. And then one time I was fapping to Marceline, (the one on the right) I started imagining her taunting real girls, with their imperfections and manipulative ways, and how I shouldn't settle and go for breeding perfection, and I imagined her talking about filling up with seed and making strong vampire mix babies, and I came. Like, really hard. And then I was like 'what the fuck was that brain, why did you like that?'
I don't know who to talk to about this, because I worry I'd just get shamed into a box and not actually work through the issues or whatever's going on.
>>17257890
the thing about visual stimulation is that it's stimulation that can be pleasing. so you have to treat it like a dependency or addiction now. cut out the source. tell your mom to turn off your internet and only cook you tendies if you go outside and make friends. problem solved.
advice for forgetting a girl?
I met her a year ago. We were both at an orchestra, playing the same instrument. I didn't talk to anybody there, until the last couple of days. She was pretty cute and she didn't talk to anybody either so I went to talk to her at the very last minute and she gave me her phone number. We talked for some months, got to know each other and I liked her a lot, she was everything I had ever wanted in someone. She was innocent to the point where it was unreal, she had a phone signature for fuck's sake. Never met anybody like her before and haven't since. She confided in me, we talked every single day from morning to night about anything and I loved it. One day her friend took my phone number and told me to ask her out. I told her her friend had done this and i asked her if she liked me, she said yes but she couldn't be with me. This was fine, I was still very happy and she told me she wanted to when she could some time from now. We talked about it and i felt really strongly for her and she seemed less and less enthusiastic. It was driving me crazy, for no good reason really, I knew she wasn't actually into me, and one day I sort of confronted her, saying i'd rather have her be honest and not like me than give me the impression of a chance. She said she didn't feel it anymore and was really sorry and i told her it was okay, she wasn't at fault, it's okay, done nothing wrong. i was hurt but i wasn't about to be horrible to someone I loved, I was going to make myself be magnanimous and keep talking. I was determined to just move on and remain friends with her- good idea, right? One of her friends, same one who told me she liked me, told me that she [the friend] was interested in me and wanted to be with me. I accepted this despite not feeling for her, hoping i would grow to and get over the orchestra girl. Orchestra girl did not take kindly to this and stopped talking to me. The friend, now my girlfriend was really passionate at first, 1/2
>>17257966
2/2?
She lost feeling for me, i guess? She told me she wasn't sure if she wanted me anymore and she eventually decided she didn't. She told me she would always be my friend and that was the last thing she said to me, months ago. it's been 190 days since i've talked to orchestra girl. her birthday is tomorrow. I still miss her but i have no plans on bothering her further, I hurt her. She used to be the one who called me cute and listened to my playing and we could talk about what was bothering us to eachother and I don't have that and I probably won't again. I don't know if i miss her or if i more miss having someone like that in my life but I would very much like to move on from this.
>>17257366
I don't have A GF to share my inner most kept secrets with, I have nobody with whom I can be intimate with, I want somebody to love.
I don't know where to go or look in order to find her.
I got very envious of Galapagos Albatros mating ritual(minus the actuall butt secks) They're so comfy and cute, I got envious of it.
>>17257986
You can always do like me and spend the day reading fiction, Tales of men just as pathetic as you, always with a bittersweet ending, They never get the happy ending, Do we?
>>17257999
Fuck you anon wtf I can't habeeb that you got fucking trips with that homopost, fuck, I want a gf what should I do?
>>17257972
then do it.
quit acting like a woman. that's not attractive.
>>17257964
Not that guy, but that's unlikely to work.
People often turn to artificial people and escapism because they're unable to relate to real people and real life.
Won't start relating to people again just by cutting computer usage and such.
It's actually worst at social events for me, especially fun ones like parties and shit.
Feels like a deep, deep, permanent alienation. Reminds you how alone you are, despite being in the middle of 300 people dancing to the same beat.
But maybe that's just me.
>>17257966
>Orchestra girl did not take kindly to this and stopped talking to me.
This is the dumbest shit, i swear
Why get jealous if you're not interested in the dude?
>>17258026
I guess she may have wanted me to keep pining after her? I don't know, I was just trying to move on and it did nothing
I find it absolutely hilarious that a "friend" accused me of being a fence sitter because I don't want to be involved in the drama between him and someone he had a falling out with. Especially since he's been playing the role of fence sitter or worse for well over a year now.
How do i know? Heard him talking on the phone saying "if he/she doesn't knock it off I'm just gonna tell him".
If our friendship was "stronger" than that as he exclaimed then he would have never have lied to me and hid this shit from me in the first place.
Since he's so adamant about protecting this person's identity maybe he should have then be his room mate after i'm gone.
>>17258029
half the time it's like those people don't even hear themselves. I've had similar things happen and fuck those people, you're doing fine anon
Scrape,
The only idiot pedophile is you. You've even confessed on multiple occasions that you have a thing for prepubesent boys.
Project all you want your just giving me more ammo until you decide to grow the fuck up and act like a half way decent person.
You leave it be and I'll leave it be, it's as simple as that. Of course your such a self righteous jackass that will probably never happen.
I'm not going to stop or go away until I get some answers.
WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I FIND A PLACE TO LIVE
I'M LITERALLY DOING EVERYTHING "RIGHT"
WORKING MY FUCKING ASS OFF OVER 40 HOURS A WEEK
I HAVE THE MONEY BUT I'M SPENDING IT ALL LIVING IN A SHITTY HOTEL
WHY THE FUCK ARE MY FRIENDS NOT HELPING ME
I HAVEN'T EXPRESSED THIS ANGER TO ANYBODY SO I KNOW IT ISN'T THAT
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
I GET KICKED OUT BECAUSE OF A DIVORCE AND AM JUST EXPECTED TO "FIGURE IT OUT"????
NONE OF THIS SHIT MAKES ANY SENSE
I'M ABOUT TO GO INTO DEBT TO CLAW OUT OF THE FACT THAT I AM ABOUT TO BE HOMELESS
THIS IS THE TIME I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ENJOYING MY FUCKING LIFE
WHY IS THIS FUCKING HAPPENING TO ME
FUCK THIS COUNTRY
FUCK THIS WORLD
FUCK YOU PEOPLE
FUCK
>>17257964
I actually have my own house and job, but it's not very social anyway, night shift security at a Construction Equipment depo.
Ken does not like Frank Ocean
very well I shall buy him a pink floyd
A friend of mine, that I was growing very close to, passed away late last night. We had just finished work, and he was heading home, to what would have been, his soon-to-be wife.
He was 23, and he had been with this woman for 10 years. I feel so terrible, and can only imagine what she is going through; I cannot believe it myself, and it has not sunk in.
He died due to a car accident. I nearly died in one myself, and have extensive injuries. I feel so much guilt, and understand why, but it hurts, and makes little sense; he was a good man, a very good man.
I find myself wondering about so many things...
RIP Dustin.
Why does everyone hate me?
I like the smell of dank weed, but I enjoy being drug free. It makes me feel superior to these college kids who get everything they want in life
i have an intense bloodlust, i scheme out ways to kill people that seem fun, i wanna play with blood, i used to be a pretty calm guy back in hs(im 18, im going to a university now), i find myself laughing for no reason, i really really really wanna ravage someone(thats my favorite word now"ragave") i wanna hack someone to pieces, punch them, stab em, shoot em, i wanna feel alive becouse ive never felt alive before(no gf, no dad, only a mom that seems to love my sister way more, they both get very well together and i just dont seem to fit in the family...) i dont wanna become a monster, my heart says no, but my mind says do it you fucking filthy bastard...
I am so god damn lonely.
I wish that I had someone I could hug, and cuddle next to, but I got nobody, nobody at all.
I can't stop masterbating. I have been doing it for 5 years now and I feel ashame.
>>17258346
hire a hooker for this. Who knows, it might qualify as a vacation for her (or him, you homo)?
It's clearly win/win
>>17258357
I don't want some banal physical pleasure. I long for emotional connection, that would be completely absent from a situation where the only reason the other person is spending time with you is because you are paying her to do so.
And no, I ain't a faggot.
>>17257731
I have the same curse. But I come to terms with it knowing that the world needs loving and empathetic people in it.
I feel empty.
Im so fucking lonely
My 40 year old MILF coworker always stares at my dick. If we're chatting in a group she stares at it as much as possible. She'll stare at it for thirty seconds at a time even. The thing about it is that she talks to me one hundred percent professionally one hundred percent of the time. There are no hints that she is at all interested in anything besides just looking at my dick through my slacks. I have not noticed that she does this with any other guys.
I started to pop one the other day while she was looking, I couldn't help it. There is no way it wasn't noticeable through my pants. She did not bat an eye AND CONTINUE TO FUCKING STARE. NO change in expression. I excused my way out of that social situation pretty damn quickly before it got any bigger.
I guess she's just "enjoying the view"?
I think I may be depressed. I'm going to a therapist for the first time ever after my exams.
I have awful self-esteem, I have really bad insecurities over my height (5'6"); I find myself comparing my height to literally everyone I pass. I'm very academically average, and I'm only slightly above average in my own opinion in terms of looks.
I make fun of people online and others in real life to make myself feel better.
Lately, when I get drunk alone, I feel sad, sometimes to the point of tears.
I think I might be depressed, but I don't know.
What can I do?
I'm getting sick of white knights honestly.
Like, shit, women aren't that great of people, you don't have to get all holier than thou just because I told you to be wary of believing what a woman tells you to be true.
I just fucked my ex this last weekend. And now I have an STD, god dam Chlamydia. I knew she was a slut in high school but now I know for sure she still is.
idk if I should tell her she needs to go get tested or just laugh at every guy she's gonna proceed to fuck and spread it to
I hate my job. My coworkers are unqualified, my managers are workaholics and the organization is full of control freaks. There's a sign in every bathroom telling you "approximately" how many tablespoons of water to use when washing your hands.
It's insane. They make a big deal about being "data driven" and "feedback oriented" but always do the opposite of the correct thing. They do a yearly employee survey and when most people complained about the strict dress code (dark slacks, leather shoes and belt, button up shirt for men, no exceptions except for "Church Clothes Fridays), they actually made the dress code even more comprehensive and punishing.
My supervisor worked for 28 hours straight the other week of her own volition, then gave me shit for taking a vacation from this hellhole. I blow so much money on fast food so I don't have to eat in my shitty depressing office. I'd rather eat in my car behind the mall.
Most days I don't even have anything to do, I just sit there for six or so hours then slip out. I ask around but there's never work. It's so frustrating to waste my time like that.
I feel incredibly isolated from my coworkers. All they talk about is crossfit bullshit or office drama. The worst part is there's no escape, this is an "open floor plan" with no walls, so I have nowhere to go and I feel exposed. HR said during orientation to "listen to loud music if your coworkers annoy you" but that's bullshit.
I've been there six months, I'm leaving in three more. Fuck this.
I can't help but think that the ;) emoji she sent at first was a Freudian Slip. As it almost seems like she has some feelings for me, but for what ever reason in unable to act on them.
She quickly send :) to correct it.
I fucking hate my job. I really fucking do, I'm debating doing another degree, which I'd rather fucking not... But it might be worth it in the long run. I need to do some pre-reqs as I never took physics. Fuck Fuck.
R
I want you. I am drunk, but I've always wanted you. I'm sick of being alone. I just want someone as obsessive as me. I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of being alone. I want someone to drink with me right now. I'm just sick of being alone. I know you want me but the distance kills. I can live with it but I just want to pour everything I have out. this love will be the end of me
>>17257436
Maybe show him the studies with LSD helping with PTSD and see how he reacts?
>>17258687
what's your job?
>>17258722
nitials
>>17258744
A
I hope you're a lesbian (or bi).
>>17258733
accounting
>>17258803
where from
>>17255667
You need to take action and not depend on waiting for something to happen, not waiting for 30..
Just saying that because of your one point. My main point is you shouldn't be worrying about what you've done right now. You're fucking 21 lmao. You SHOULD be worried about not doing anything and "sitting on your hands like an idiot watching it go by" BUT you shouldn't be worried about what you've done so far. You're fine.
I have a really nice 2 year internship, but I'm socially retarded and awkward and no matter how good my skills are at what I'm doing, or how eager I am to learn, I feel like one day they're just going to tell me not to come back. I get positive feedback about the work I do, but I never feel like I fit in anywhere and I'm almost certain all of my coworkers hate me at this point. I love it there and I don't want it to end.
I used to have really bad anxiety problems and the social elements of my internship are making me a nervous wreck. I've been drinking more than I probably should lately.
I don't know what to do.
It's fucking freedom. it's having the opportunity to do whatever you want and live how you want. it's all right there and it's completely intoxicating.
every single call, every single meeting, every single new opportunity just... I can't even describe. this is living, and everyone should experience it once in their lives whether or not they stick with it. the understanding and education you gain is far and above anything else. I truly believe that if more people participated in the amazing free market that we have available to us, people would be happier, the economy would be healthier, and a lot of the social and political problems we have would dissipate because it really gives you an understanding of how things work and why things are the way they are and that it's good, you just didn't know how to use the massive opportunity that was sitting in front of you from birth.
business 101 needs to be highschool curriculum, everyone should be given a business license and certificate of formation on their 16th or 18th birthday. seriously. here's another thing, you wanna keep kids out of gangs and off drugs? set that kid's passions alight and give them access to the opportunities needed to pursue them. especially once their idea starts making them money, that kid is going to be spending as much time as possible working on being productive and creating their dreams instead of wallowing in the sort of attitude and mindset that allows people to fall into drugs and gangs. you give these kids a path forward out of whatever environment they feel stuck in you'll see how smart they are and the potential they have.
that's the way to do it.
>>17258056
>I HAVE THE MONEY
so get an apartment. also, sounds like your family and friends are shit. you're gonna need to cut out shit people. you make it out of this though, you'll be able to take on anything. don't waste your energy on being angry, don't waste your time here. get on the phone, make some calls, find a place to live.
>>17258932
>>17258056
you have been presented with a crucible and how you handle it will determine who you become and where you go in life. you come out of this with the right attitude and nothing and no one will ever stand in your way again. it hurts, it sucks, every day in that situation is a cut in your pride and soul, but view it as an opportunity and seek only solutions instead of focusing on the problems and you'll find the way through.
you're at the trailhead, what are you going to do?
>>17258461
>>17257731
Hint: you are those people.
>>17258528
She clearly wants it if she's just staring at it. But she may also just be having a bit of fun. She probably likes to see you squirm a little.
>fuck her at the office Christmas party
I went to a college orientation today. From my experience there, it seems like college will be a huge waste of time and money.
What will I get out of it? A good job? Income doesn't matter. I don't spend more than $1,000 a month, so what's the point of saving at all? I probably won't have any children, so no one will inherit the money.
All those "leadership" opportunities.
I spent a day at a "real" job once. In the end, it was hardly any better than the shit minimum wage job I was working. Still doing work to make money... and then what? Won't we all die anyway? What the fuck is the point of all this?
One year after high school; no longer have crippling social anxiety--but have no friends.
Think back and remember the girls I liked always had a crush on me and girls always found me attractive but they always said I was too quiet. Other kids would try and be my friend and invite me places but every time I went I would just stare because I'd be too afraid to talk.
After finishing my first year of college I realized I'm going to commit suicide via hanging.
>>17259023
Don't go to college unless you plan on studying you absolutely know you have a passion.
Until then, go get some work experience. Get a job at a local organic farm and learn various basic skills. Or go to tech school and develop a skill like car mechanic or welder or carpenter and just work that for a bit until you figure out what to do. There's nothing wrong with trying different things, but it's worth the try is the point.
Involved myself with a very troublesome girl. I'm very appreciative of it though because I see girls with much worse problems as people, but this shit is really hard to deal with.
Basically, we dated for a while. Didn't work out. I fucking clawed my way back in and things have been going well but we both decided to stay away from dating, despite having very romantic feelings for one another.
The problem is her. Yes, her. In her words, she "wants to explore" she's "a flirt" and she knows she can't be loyal. That's fucking hilarious. That's not it at all. She's not flirtatious and she's not explorative.
I don't know if that's truly what she beliefs, but I wouldn't be surprised if it is. I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't and she knows the truth deep down too though.
What's the real problem? She's an attention whore. A massive one. What does this actually mean? She's insecure. Incredibly so. She NEEDS a LOT of attention, from multiple guys all at once. It HAS to be like that. She NEEDS the validation. If she doesn't have it, I don't know what happens.
She's constantly talking to guys, always needing someone to talk to and make her feel good about herself. She needs to feel wanted, pretty, sought after, fawned over by multiple guys. She wants to feel special. She wants to feel important. But she hardly goes further than that. She sometimes makes out with them but she doesn't fuck. I feel like if the problem worsens though, she'll go down that route.
I want to fix this. I want to get to the bottom of it but it is so fucking hard to deal with her and the situation. It's hard as fuck on me but I want to do it.
It's hard on her too. She doesn't seem to realize the problem in this.
Cont.
For some reason, my happiness and my sanity have been indirectly related lately. I've been having so much fun playing the jokester lately, and suddenly my charisma and confidence have been through the roof simply because I don't care much anymore, but I sense my inability to take things seriously is getting bad. I can't believe or trust in shit, and I keep on laughing at fucked up things. I'm losing reasons to care about anything or anyone... but things have never felt more right. It's sort of scary.
I'm 19 and finally got a gf for the first time in my life, and she is cool af. The only problem is that I think she's been in a relationship before, so I can't help but be worried about the fact that she's the only girl I kissed while she might have kissed some other guy in the past. She's really religious/conservative so I don't think she would have done anything sexual, but the thought that she's been in a relationship before while I haven't kinda rubs me the wrong way.
I mean this all probably sounds gay as fuck but it's been on my mind ever since the dust settled after we started going out. I don't know how to clear my head about this shit, it probably shouldn't be bugging me but it is.
>>17259064
She doesn't seem to realize the problem in that she's fighting with herself. She says she feels an emptiness in her for wanting a boyfriend. A serious, committed relationship, but she says she wants to mess around with other guys and be with a bunch. It's like she's fighting between what she wants (or needs) and what she thinks she wants. In reality, what she thinks she needs to do is fix her insecurity issues so she can move on and actually enjoy life.
See, this is where it gets a little more confusing. There's another problem. The life she currently lives? She's not happy with it. It causes her a lot of stress and problems. And I don't mean the attention whore line of "ugh I hate all this attention", no, she's genuinely stressed. She says she's happy but truly she's not. Her "happiness" is superficial and relies on the validation of others. If it's not there, she gets fucked up.
What's more is that the stress she gets is simply from living the way she is; the way she "wants". She's expressed this to me. She says she hates how all these guys run after her like crazy because it stresses her because she just wants their attention. She just wants to use them to fulfill her selfish desires and that's it. She wants them to show her love and attention, while not giving it back. She wants to lead them on and have them fawn over her, but she doesn't want them falling for her and chasing after her for a relationship. She wants them to love her, but she feels bad when she "breaks their hearts". She says she hates doing all this shit and all the stuff it entails. BUT SHE JUST WANTS THEIR FUCKING ATTENTION. HOW STUPID CAN YOU GET? You dumb bitch
She just wants something so shallow and superficial to fulfill her desires, to validate her, to distract her from her insecurities, but she wants none of the fucking strings attached. Holy Christ, you're stupid as fuck.
I don't know how I'm going to deal with this. She needs to get over it. She can't move on like this
>>17259053
Thanks for the advice. I know what I'm passionate about, and that's computers. I just don't know what specifically in the field. The job descriptions are rather specific, but I feel like a generalist right now.
I'll do what you said and try new things in the field, and perhaps I will find something more interesting than writing and testing code all day long.
>>17259088
What are her Initials anon?
>>17259142
Why does it matter? You won't know her.
>>17259143
It sounded like someone I know. Just wanted to be safe and not let her lead me on.
I've known people on this site. And seen people talk about other people. So i just might know her.
>I'm 32 years old now.
>I've tried having girlfriends in the past and I even maintained a 4 year relationship but I'm starting to think that I am too different to actually find love or be happy with people. Life is hard when you're lonely and I've tried things like casual dating sites and even doing okcupid and whatnot. Honestly I've meet more people offline than online but that's how things work in a rural town.
>I really don't know how I should feel. One part of me feels like I shouldn't give up the other part has long since stopped giving a fuck.
>I feel like I'm self destructive, while I make peoples lives better around me my own life goes down the toilet.
Is it better to live for the sake of other people and be miserable? I mean like, everyone around me seems to be happy the more I try in life but I get more and more miserable (I'm a great liar and can pretend to be happy).
The more time I spend on the internet, the more I realize there's not a single community I can stand now, whether it's here or reddit or some obscure forum. I don't have any social interaction in real life but it's so bad on the internet that I don't think it's worth trying anymore.
>>17259252
My main hobby is listening to music for instance, but /mu/ is a mess and I don't have any other place to go, so lately I've just been closing my eyes while I do it or have browsed /c/ to keep me entertained but not distracted. Not having a place to talk about my hobby with people like me is really getting me down though, and I don't know what to do now.
I just had a terrible feeling come down on me. Absolutely terrible. I don't know if it's due to watching "The Day After" or seeing rumours that Higher ups in Moscow are being told to Evac, along with rumours of Russian Action in Poland within a month (Both from Legit Sources). I never got this feeling before during Ukraine Crisis, or any of Kim Jong Un's tantrums. But this time I have a terrible gut feeling. Absolutely horrible.
>>17259330
*searches internet real quick*
bullshit. stop looking at bullshit fear mongering websites.
>>17259336
Eh, these people have been correct in the past with their info. So I tend to hold them to a decent level.
Even before seeing the rumours today I have had an odd feeling.
>>17258943
>>17258932
Thanks for the advice. I've definitely cooled down since I wrote that but what you said is actually really encouraging for some reason. I guess it's because everyone around seems to not care at all when I say I am literally a step away from being homeless. I guess they just can't imagine it. But I was angry because I just had 6 apartment complexes in a row tell me they had no availability. I have no doubt I'll pull through this because I'm not a fucking pussy but jesus man. Everything is stacked against me in a way it hasn't been my whole life.
Several years ago, I came across a website dedicated to a now-defunct cult. On the site was a forum that seems to have never been used. However, the forum had been flooded with spambots that posted a lot of pornographic material. Many of them were erotica about sex with children or animals. There was no CP on the site, but there were a few photos of young girls in bikinis (probably taken from magazines) shown suggestively, and I'm pretty sure I saw at least one horse dick. There was this one weird story about a woman riding in a carriage who stepped out to give the horse a blowjob or something. Anyway, I was kind of freaked out but never told anyone. So now someone knows.
>>17259373
Newfag?
>>17259375
Uh... no. But at the time I came across it I was like 14
i was attracted to my girlfriend's younger cousin and i paid her to give me messages(like at a parlor, lapdances, and to model in her bikinis for me
I can't stand that things have ended up like this between us, but I understand why. I understand why you hate me. I understand why you wont speak to me, but I wish that you'd understand me. I told you that I love you and that I always will have a special place in my heart for you, and I meant it. You told me you loved me, too. I guess it's none of my business if that was true. I have tried to not be melodramatic about this, but since I moved I know that I wont see you again for quite sometime. Three months ago I told you that I just wish we'd get along after we hadn't talked since December. You quoted something I said out of anger to make your point that you resent me and that was the last time you said anything to me. Why can't you see from my point of view? I see it from yours. Every moment of our relationship was just one big disappointment to you and I saw it in your eyes day in and day out. What did you expect me to do? You told me you weren't happy after I confronted you, and I became angry that I was the one who had to speak up when you thought it was appropriate to simply be rude to me. I apologized for what I said but you return nothing. I say one thing out of anger that doesn't take back everything I said for years before that. I get sick thinking about what we had now, how I took your virginity and how I was the first person to tell you "I love you" and it took you a month to tell me the same. I will always remember that moment you did. I think about you every day. I still cry sometimes. You were my best friend. I am glad you were able to find someone to make you happy. Maybe in time if I come back I'll see you and you won't recognize me and I can strike up a conversation with you. Maybe we can talk about Twin Peaks like we used to. Maybe we can be friends.
>>17259064
the middle graphic needs to be replaced by a female or the heart needs to be replaced by a penis
>>17258666
dear satan
they're not white knights they're normies!
of course if some asshole comes up and tells me, "don't readily trust this ENTIRE group of people", i'm going to look at him like he's a fucking lunatic. It's a huge red flag for serious trust or socialization issues. Which is fine, people get those. But don't go waving that shit around in public.
just because you sit on your fat ass in /pol/ or /r9k/ or even /soc/ all day doesn't make you a fucking expert in the habits of entire groups of people. alright. get some help.
>>17259482
Not sure about that. Her mind is the problem with the insecurities, which leads her to look for a bandage solution (men) but her heart tells her she wants to settle down with one man.
i have a student that is developing big tits for her age and she wears tops that show them off
one day i got a class photo and you could see her tits really nice and i jerked off to it
was actually really cathartic to type my story out earlier. helped me realize, she wasn't as great as i made her out to be
I don't know what it is about me that makes the most self absorbed, idiotic people cling onto me. I am so sick of being an emotional punching bag for people who can't do the same for me. God forbid I tell one of these people about a hard day, a petty annoyance let alone my deepest troubles. I always end up being dismissed, invalidated and minimized. I just want to be alone, but they are so controlling and want to monopolize all my time. I'm too much of a fucking bitch to say fuck you, fuck off. I'm going to have to soon, because I am feeling so much resentment right now. It always seems like I'm not allowed to have ambition or want to do well for myself. I don't understand why I get laughed off and dismissed. I have literally won multiple awards for the good work I do. I'm sorry I want more for myself. I'm sorry you think you're the only one allowed to crawl out of a hole and become the best you. Do you remember when you were shooting meth up your arms and I was there to listen to your crackhead rantings at 3 AM telling you that you were going to be somebody. Now you're thriving and you're acting like you are doing me a favor. Since you like to be petty, you seem to forget all that I have done. All that I have sacrificed for you. The reason you are sober, the reason you have a home to sleep in every night is because of me. So fuck you. I am now tuning you out. Don't ask for my opinion, because you don't want to hear anything I have to say anyway. I feel like your last resort friend. You are tired of all these other people in your life, who I could have told you were all not worth your time. Now you come to me to drain me once again of life and time. I am fantasizing about just tidying my house up, upping my life insurance and drinking a champagne flute filled with bleach.
I want to try and find just one normal friend, but I'm too weird to have them I guess.
>>17259552
Hahaha it's a fucking awful feeling, isn't it? I know. If you feel she isn't worth being in your life at all, cut her out. If not, then you need to start MAKING yourself appreciated. Don't dump everything on her, but you should give her sort of passive aggressive reminders of who the fuck you are to her and what the fuck you've done. And who you are as a person, someone that deserves more acknowledgement and respect than what you're getting. If no one else is telling her, you should. But you can't be direct or aggressive because it'll come off as attacking, you'll look like a prick and she will refuse to acknowledge anything, she won't listen and she'll appreciate you even less. She'll probably start looking down at you too because that's a really petty thing to do if you do it like that. No one wants to have thrown in their face something that puts them in a lower position.
I'm slowly coming to terms with being a wizard. I never cared much for relationships in high school, which is apparently when you're supposed to try dating. I'm 20, so there's still time, since I can't legally go to bars and clubs where all the normies go to hook up.
It's never really bothered me, but since the only jobs I've had have been pretty isolating I spend a lot of time thinking about my life and other things.
I'm still living at home and going to college, I'm hoping something happens before I move out and become a hermit.
HOLYSHIT!!!!! after a year of blood sweat and tears i've finally scored with a hot bitch even though i've yet to attain a six pack, things are looking up for me i'm gonna make it for sure.
>tfw i'll forever remember the angel's sweat voice "is that you anon? you're looking good"
>y-you too.
I'm a fucking cunt.
I make shit up.
I create delusions and blame everyone but myself.
I want to get over myself, but don't.
I'm a lazy dickfaced cunt, and wish the world would make things better for me, rather than put in the effort to do it myself.
/adv/, sempai finally noticed me.
It's the weirdest feeling in the world. I never thought this would happen. I honestly don't understand how or why. It's like a switch flipped and now they want to see me and spend time with me frequently, and make/give me things. It's so weird. I have a feeling it's all going to disappear though, because it started so suddenly, why couldn't it just end as quickly as well? I'm so scared.
18 father girlfriend hates me, hard relationship.Was abused for the first six months, cheated, made me walk her across the city in -40 Canada winters. Depressed from all of this. She tells her friend how much i abuse her when i ask her not to talk to certain guys who clearly like her. go to party her friend hits me and calls me scum threatens to end my life. i tell my family and now i'm the bad guy. Idk if anyone is even interested i just want help but i'm too scared to go to a therapist
>>17259621
Holy Christ what the fuck is it with all you people? Is our society that fucked? All you Americans or westerners think that if you're not fucking accomplished and lived life fully by 18 you're fucking doomed. Calm down. Calm the fuck down. My first ANYTHING with a girl was at 21, and I honestly wasn't expecting to get in any sort of relationship until 25 or so. I'm serious. It was not only something I was setting out to do, but the cards simply weren't in my favor for it to come earlier. They just weren't I couldn't make sense of any of it. It didn't make sense. Love comes in very unexpected places. You think you'll expect it, but you really won't.
Don't go to clubs and bars. Don't hook up, unless that's really what you want. Just chill, do your thing and try to get involved with people and know what your intentions are with women. Literally just being in that mindset and having your intentions turned toward that will be enough to get things rolling.
I'm having a breakdown because I haven't had sex with my husband in months and I think it's because I'm gay. Or maybe bisexual? I don't know how this works but I can tell you that I don't have an inkling of attraction to any man right now. Whereas before I've been strangely attracted to feminine doormat betas.
My parents don't look too kindly on homosexuals either. It's causing me a lot of grief. I hope it's just a phase and I can get my marriage back on track.
>>17259817
oh yeah, i'm kind of tomboyish as well, always have been, when i looked at porn when i was younger i always appreciated the females and what they were doing more than what the guys were doing, i was also always interested in drawing bikini warriors too. that was my thing, which surprisingly got me a lot of guy friends growing up.
This world we live in is figment of my imagination.
>>17259827
oh yeah well quit makin' me gay!
>>17259709
Anon I kind of agree with you. Things in my life happened "later" than people said they should've, as comparison, but it didn't feel any different to me. I did feel unnecessarily worried from so much comparison, wondering if I was normal or not.
Unrelated question or maybe I should ask somewhere else: is the cost of freezing your eggs still expensive nowadays? Idk I feel that by the time I'll be ready for kids I'll be super old like 40 years old. But I want to ensure my child doesn't end up with defects from my eggs & ovaries being so old.
I don't understand how people have children so fast and so young. They cost a fuckton of money. I want to maybe have a kid sometime in life but I'm already 24. I hope in 15 - 20 years or so I won't be too late. I just won't be in a good financial situation for a long time
I'm a retard. Why did I get a kitten when I have cat allergies? Now I'm attached and I might have to get rid of her because I feel like shit unless I shove pills down my throat.
>>17258056
We're about to be homeless too, and we both have 40 hour jobs. What the hell is wrong with the world?
I miss you, motherfucker.
Yeah, we're both guys, but going out to paint and doing graffiti those late nights and extremely early mornings was extremely fun and it was monumental in my life, to the point where it was my safe haven from anxiety and depression. I don't know if you knew or not, but I was really insecure and dependent. Being with you and Tim really made me feel so much better, and it made us 3 a family. I bonded with you Both and managed to lift my depression and cynicism and negativity. Those moments we had were fucking amazing and I regret not realizing just how much you and your companionship meant to me. God damn it, we got locked up together you bastard
We were next to each other and we walked miles to a fucking Whataburger
You fucking son of a bitch
I have a girlfriend and even she wishes she had the privilege to draw and paint together like me and you did. For once, I had a fucking brother and a Partner-In-crime. For once, I had someone who helped me overcome fears, and break boundaries. You left. You smoked. You chose Xanax and Weed because it made you feel better and good. You chose that, and look at you now, you fucking dimwitted zombified asshole
You took my brother, those good times and Art away from me. You changed and left me for good, for what? A high? Don't you remember those times I watched your back from the police and how we were gonna live the life? You fucker. How many times have you asked yourself about my wellbeing? About our art and our projects?? Where were you in my graduation? We were supposed to graduate together. You couldn't even ask for help when you got jumped for $20 worth of weed, knowing I would have defended you until the end, or until my end.
Truth is.... I fucking miss you and it kills me. I'd do anything to get you back- to get those moments back. But you're gone. I looked at you, but you were far from my grasp. My brother, my alter ego, my only fucking best friend. We were supposed to paint the world.
I am trying to get out of a relationship that I've never even technically been in. I'm in love with my FWB, but I don't want to be. I never get this attached.
Im in love with my gf. Marriage scares me tho.
everything i was afraid would happen to me as an adult has happened.
>>17257429
>Guy kills your pitiful animals
>KILL HIM MURDER HIM GUT HIS FUCKING SKULL
I think we should consider locking you up instead
>>17257429
That's kind of fucking retarded. Retarded reason.
You were much kinder a year ago. That warmth you had is gone, and even the way you say my name is cold. You've genuinely hurt me these past few months with your nonchalance and disrespect for my efforts and time. I'd tell you to fuck off but our families are too close. So for the time being, I will take care of you, as I always have, until my heart can't take it and destroys me.
But seriously, you've become a bitch.
>>17259918
>kill him murder him gut his fucking skull
nowhere in that post do i see ANY OF THAT
and stop samefagging yourself you projecting little cunt
Got super drunk again
Friends hate me more now. They know I'm going to kill myself too
I can't find my phone and they dumped my vodka out.
I have no good reason to hurt yet I hurt.
I don't think I'm ever going to have a friendship as good as the one I just got out of. We were both really fucking clingy people and it worked out that we were both losers with no one else to talk to so we'd just talk to each other constantly, we just operated on the same wavelength and I've never met someone like that in my life, and I don't think I ever will again.
I've tried to kill myself before, and I think about it every day, constantly. I almost tried again but in the end I just broke down crying because I knew swallowing all those pills wouldn't kill me, they'd just fuck up my stomach and intestines, and it'd hurt a lot. And I tried to slice my arm open like I did last time but my knife was too dull, and I didn't want to go sharpen it. So I just broke down and lied in my blood soaked clothes for a while and cried before falling asleep. I wish I was strong enough to kill myself.
I tried to call psychiatrists they put me through last time I tried to kill myself but since it'd been exactly a year since I went there I wasn't counted as a current patient and they aren't accepting any new ones, and that kills my motivation to go try and find another one.
well i moved on
it took ages but i did it man
december, january and february. our love lasted through the summer and it was a highlight of my life. i loved every fucking minute out in the blue open with you, laying in the grass, holding hands, listening to music, the concert we went to, running through the fountain and walking over the harbour bridge. melted my heart just to think about it. I saw you as one of the greatest- no, THE greatest- person in the world. I loved you unconditionally, and I wanted to keep loving you, cause it made me feel awesome. And I wanted to show you all sorts of ways i could love you, like sex and stuff, but you lost that chance. I was sad things turned sour, but after our fight in march and me fighting for you through march, april and may, I'm just finally finished lol. I have better things to do with my life, and you starting to stalk me really disgusted me. The fake account was crazy man. U even denied it heaps of times but we both know I know its you. Oh well, I'm not bothered, I'm just very very tired cause u stole all my energy the past few months lol. But at Vivid, I felt all that energy come back to me, especially when you ran off out of nowhere. It felt like a breath of fresh air, i felt my heart beating again man. feels good to have u gone, since u don't know how to love. :) u probably think I'm crazy but i hope you know that i always did, and maybe always will, have a special place in my heart for you. i wish you had appreciated that. bye :^) lol
>>17260166
oh also, my friends were serious when they were telling you to see me at the rooftops. That was your last opportunity to come to me for answers or to do something 'fun' if you know what I mean. I was prepared to tell you everything. What I did and didn't like about you, what I wanted to do with you, how much you meant, etc. Actually. I was never sure if i was actually in love in the first place, I wanted to discuss that with you and explain my theory. but yeah, you'll never know now. lol cya
About to cut ties with all old contacts from high school. Already deleted all forms of social media and not a single concern from anyone, which I think is a plus. Still feel a little disappointed though. Like, there could have been something more I could have done. I also have the insane urge to lurk and see if anyone's said anything, one person in particular, but I'm not gonna act on it. Getting a new phone number soon as well, so I'll be complete gone from this peoples lives. Hopefully this could be a new beginning, though I know things will get worse before they get better.
Last week i was served by a barista who looked like Natalie Dormer, and she's apparently still on my mind.
I know it's their job to smile and be pleasant to me, but i always seem to fall for the cute baristas and bartenders. I feel like a creep.
If you cheat again, I swear I'm going to be the one who breaks up with you this time.
That happened to your last relationship too. Noticing a pattern? Maybe your behavior is dysfunctional. Whatever. You can do that to someone else. Because if I find out it's happening again, you're gone.
I'm thinking about giving up on people.
I hate how everyone is so self-centered and cannot think from an outsider's perspective, how people can never be wrong, how they are so defensive to critics, how they are treacherous and dishonest. I need human contact but hate the way humans are.
>>17260405
I'm sorry to break it to you buddy, but you might be a cuck.
>dating a cheater
Ayy
you are literally asking for it.
This is fucking bullshit, weed looks so fun and many of my friends enjoy it, but when I fucking try it I feel like my heart is about to stop and I'm about to die.
Was I cursed with bad weed genes? Looks like I'm stuck with fucking booze
>>17260405
Yeah, she has a prior history of being a cheater and she cheated on you and you found out about it.
Why are you staying? You're the only one putting effort into the relationship ship, the only effort she's exerting is fucking guys she's not in a relationship with.
In the end it's your choice but I think the majority of people here would have kicked their ass to the curb.
What is the fucking point.
>>17257429
Join the mafia.
I felt I was too stupid to follow my goals for almost a decade.
By the time I decided to go to college, it feels like its too late.
My goals that I DID want to accomplish feel unrealistic.
I feel depressed more and more as time goes on.
I can't talk to anyone else about it because they don't want to put up with me and I don't have money for therapy anymore.
If one has a highly socially unacceptable paraphillia, then how does one have a close connection relationship wise? Do you just confess it to every partner you meet until someone eventually is okay with it and doesn't think of you as some disgusting creature? Or do you just hide it and deal with the fact they don't know the "real you"? I feel like I'll never have a normal life as long as I'm the way I am. I feel disgusting
I stopped smoking weed, and I feel like shit physically and having loads of hypochondriac thoughts. I'm hoping and praying this shit will go away.
I feel lightheaded, my stomach feels weird, and I keep imagining I'm getting out of breath while I really don't. The voice in my head just keeps shouting "you have lung cancer you idiot". Of course, this sort of bullshit is exactly why I smoked weed in the first place.
Yet stopping with the weed is the first positive thing I've done in ages.
>>17260654
Have you tried slow small hits with periods in between to let it hit you fully before taking more? You might be getting too high
>>17260764
I'm thinking the exact same thing.
in 20 years every dog ill have ever seen will be dead and it angers me. how do I make it stop
>>17260899
That's actually some real thing right there. Shit anon, i'm sad now...
Fuck.
>>17260781
I feel the same way.
When I set my goals and started to follow them after about 2 years they seemed very possible. But now this year, this year completely sucked for me. I became depressed and lost my friends because I would be absent from my own life so much. I was considered missing for 4 days. I was going to commit suicide. A lot of people asked me where I was, I just shook my head and said nothing. My grades plummeted and I lost my job. No one wants to help me anymore because they know I am a lost cause.
I keep using this thing as a blame for every action that I do. I need to fucking break free from this mindset of I DO THIS BECAUSE OF THE WAY I WAS TREATED AS A CHILD.
Why do I lack basic human intimacy and why can't I be a normal and non-needy person. Wait, I know all the reasons why but I'm too afraid to even do anything about it.
I have no-one to blame but myself.
>>17257366
I feel no remorse for any liberal fag that gets rekt by isis and blames it on gun control. I hope they come for us, it will give me an excuse to get some more human target practice.
Stop crawling back into my life if you're going to keep doing this. It hurts.
>>17258028
It probably hurt her ego more than her heart. She had the opportunity to express her romantic feelings for you, if she had any, and didn't.
Today i found that my 3yo crush is pregnant...
I think I've been depressed since I was around 15, I'm 22 now. Nobody knows I'm suffering, I'm the eldest son from a pretty traditional family so I've been raised to be stoic. I'm probably about to fail 2 of my subjects at college, It's taken me 3.5 years to get close to finishing a diploma that should take 2 years and I'm about to put myself through another semester of this bullshit. Why do I always leave every assignment to the last minute? I'm good at what I do and always have been, but I have no discipline or motivation. I avoid everything and I don't know why. I fucking hate my life, I sit at home and spend all day doing absolutely nothing productive. Of course I don't have a job either. I need to just leave this place and learn to take care of myself, forget my delusions of grandeur and try to live my life before its fucking gone.
>>17261048
Doing what?
>>17261084
Making me feel like I'm being strung along.
>>17260813
Thc withdrawl. Itll pass in a few days to a week. Just dont forget to eat
>>17261090
In what way?
>>17261090
chink
>>17261130
Barely talks to me. Only wants to see me every week and a half/two weeks. Never wants to see me when I ask and I know their free. Only wants to see me at night. I always make time for them, it seems they never make time for me. I'm told he wants a relationship but what to keep it slow and casual right now. But I'm told I'm loved by them.
I feel like I'm being kept around for sex basically. I probably am.
I always meet people like this. They always wedge their way in somehow. Ready to kms.
>>17261153
Not even close.
I'm a 27 year old uni drop out alcoholic who works in a job that I fucking hate.
I'm so lazy i can't bring myself to sort my life out. I've never really tried at anything at all.
Looks like Exit-Bag-Saturday is coming up.
That little glass of milk you took from me had almost three miligrams of crushed xanax in it. You dick. I hope you plan on driving.
It seems pretty logical and obvious to me now that the SELF does not exist. Our ego/self is just an illusion that was necessary for our evolution at one point, but now must be realised as the illusion it is, and how it is the cause of a lot of our suffering.
This seems to go hand in hand with the truth of determinism and no free will.
I'm just looking for advice from people who are enlightened or are also on the path of enlightenment for advice.
I know it's not just about reading loads of books, and it comes from many realisations when you're just observing yourself.
Does anyone have any good meditations to try?
>>17261322
And faggot, I'm happy I have more and now I have rum instead of milk.
>>17261352
The ego will never go away, not as long as you have a healthy brain and biological existence: it's built into the architecture of the mind as a survival and self-improvement mechanism. The best you can do is put it in the service of something greater than yourself, so that it doesn't get wrapped up in petty selfishness and related ills. If you do that, your personal needs will be aligned with the needs of that greater purpose you identified with, and you'll find peace and fulfillment.
Ego won't be the cause of suffering then.
>>17259882
Fuck. That was beautiful.
Guys I really need help here, I can't stop creepshotting girls. I've tried to stop so many times but as soon as I see an oportunity I take it. Its getting harder to stop every time too i keep feeling less and less remorse every time.
I'm a pretty cool person according to the people whose lives I've affected (friends, family, and coworkers) but I cannot shake the feeling that I am an absolute cretin and failure.
I think about suicide every day, but I'm so embarrassed about being this depressed that I don't talk to anyone about it. My favorite past time is napping now. Instead of going to the gym 5x a week it's 1, maybe 2. I've stopped reading and playing games with friends.
Every day I just sit and wait for someone to care, even though I know my family and friends do. I've been like this for a while, so it's almost become normal for me, but I'm getting older and I'm starting to think I won't make it to 30 without really trying to harm myself.
>>17261514
Break the camera on your phone, then. Make it so it's impossible to do it impulsively
>>17258296
I feel you Bro.. I feel you..
>>17260839
I only took 2 hits the last time I tried, first there were 15 minutes of maniacal uncontrollable laughter then an hour of feeling like I'm dying.
Didn't find anything similar to this on the internet yet
Bitch.. I'm so fucking tired of tending to your every fucking needs when you can barely even bring yourself to even satisfying any of mine...
Tired of cleaning up your shit in our ugly ass house that you just had to decorate in the fugliest manner possible. I'm sick and tired of your fucking family bothering every 5 damn minutes. Fuck this shit.
wtf. who are these people that keep calling me while I'm asleep, not leaving messages and then shutting their phones down? fucking weirdos.
also apparently my alarm is completely broken, so that's some bullshit.
>>17261352
BULLSHIT. the fuck are you talking about?
you're one of these morons that doesn't believe free will exists aren't you? your entire way of thinking is detestable, self destructive, and I will never accept it.
the fuck is wrong with people? how can you hate yourself that much that you wish that you could erase the entirety of what makes you an individual? or is it that you don't actually understand what you are talking about enough to understand the breadth of the claim you make, it's meaning, and it's repercussions if more people believed this bullshit?
shit really rustles my jimmies. it's like trying to commit psychological suicide but it's more disturbing than watching someone put a gun to their head because you fucks try to get other people in on it too like a cult.
FUCKING ABHORRENT.
>>17261116
that what that is? I've had that for years since quitting weed. nah, I think weed is just fucking bullshit and does a shit ton more damage than people would like to admit.
I've developed a complex about my virginity and passed it on to my girlfriend. I told her I was a virgin when we were in early days and started to get frisky, and then it kind of killed things because she made a huuuge deal out of how I need to be ready for it etc. Since then I've just been so nervous and the last time we tried I couldn't get it up.
We just went on holiday for 4 nights. It was amazing but I really thought we might do it but it never happened. First night we got real drunk and she told me she thinks I'm hot and we can do it whenever I want to (but not tonight cos too drunk) but then every night when I tried to get close she'd tell me she was tired. She never initiated even making out and it's turned me even more reclusive, cos I don't wanna crowd her, so I don't initiate either. I kinda wish I'd just never told her. It's all a bit fucked up.
I'm probably going to kill myself this week, if not today.
>>17261352
The self exists, but you are not in control of anything. You are not your mind or body. You are just along for the ride.
Dad had a stroke, forgot who I was today. Not sure what to do.
Are you fucking kidding me, fuckstick!? You're attributing yourself to my success?
I regret all the time I ever spent being nice to you and trying to be your friend when you're still an arrogant, lazy prick. You think it's some kind of compliment, having people think I'm good enough for you? Go fuck yourself, mate. I was better than you before I started and I will always be better than you. You didn't teach me jack shit.
Remember who made this shop what it is today. That's all me, and that's why I'm getting recognised. I got us there by myself, without your help, dickhead. I could have your ass thrown out if I told them what you've been saying about me, but I'm going to keep you around, so I can continue to hound your ass, put you in your place in front of everyone and know that you go home and jerk it to the thought of me dominating you. I will give you a reason to hate me, instead of just being the jealous, cowardly piece of shit that you are.
Still love her. It was entirely my fault it all ended. Been messaging her because she's broke, homeless, on meth now, and her boyfriend's a piece of shit.
>Hey we should hang out sometime. I have no friends up here
>"I don't think my boyfriend would like that"
Fuck me.
Fuck it all.
I can have everything going great in life but the second I talk to her, all of my feelings come rushing back and I realize she's gone and it feels like nothing else matters and all accomplishments just crumble. I feel like a fucking angsty edgy teenager all over again. Then again I'm only 20.
Maybe I'll drive somewhere, get shit faced and cause a head on collision.
I still have feelings for her. Going out stoned and saw her face on another girl's face that was walking with her boyfriend and my stomach dropped for a second. God damn, I want her still, but something tells me she moved on.
^So we're all in the same boat here
I loathe my job and it's shitty chinese-sweatshop made uniform, but my uniform makes invisible to the general public and hides my lack of style that I've taken to wearing it outside of work. I feel like I get less looks when wearing it. I can look completely miserably and everyone will assume it's cos I just left work or something.
>Really into anime for years
>Huge lolicon
>Time goes by
>That part of my life slowly fades out
>Become normalfag
>At my current job
>In charge of making sure a bunch of grade 8 girls stay and sleep in the dorm rooms
>Whole building and lobby full of them running around, being cute
>Remember how attractive I find them
>Remember how much of a lolicon I am
Holy Christ. In my defense, they really look older than their age. I'm not a predator or anything threatening, but I do find them attractive. I can't picture myself actually "doing" anything with them though. Only in manga I guess.
I am completely lost with what to do in life. I have no official work experience, I'm basically deaf, and almost legally blind. I actually enjoy working outside, and decently athletic, but I am a naturally small person so no one thinks im capable of it. I tried working with a landscaper, but they just thought i was dumb because I had to constantly ask them to repeat stuff, since I'm basically deaf. My immediate family hates me and doesn't want anything to do with me, and even tells me to go live with other family members , but when I try to leave they tell me to stay. The only time anyone in my family cared was when I was depressed and was tried to commit suicide repeatedly but failed every time. Since then I gave up trying to kill myself, because I hate them that much, I want to be more successful than they are, I want to be so successful that it's a big fuck you to them, but then again I'm worthless in every workplace so that's not very likely. I can't even do military due to my depression and being blind and deaf. I feel completely hopeless and like a waste of space still.
Two problems.
One: I haven't felt motivated for the past four years. I keep waiting for a change, but it doesn't come.
It's not that I don't enjoy things. I do. It's just that none of the things I enjoy are productive in the least, and I have no particular drive to achieve anything beyond the necessity of sustaining myself independently. Well, no, that's not correct. It's a paradox. I have no will to do anything meaningful, but a constant nagging feeling that I need to do something with my life to feel truly content. But doing so in a way I don't actually care for would make it all meaningless.
Two: I seem to be incapable of caring about others anymore. It's not any malice, don't take me wrong, no bismuth-tier edge shit. It's just that I no longer feel satisfaction from helping others, nor can I really empathize when they tell me of their troubles. I just... I want to care. I still remember I did, once. But I can't. Whenever I hear of their issues, I just get frustrated that they take up my time with it. I help them because that's what I should do, but it no longer makes me feel good about myself. It's just mechanical, to play the friend role right, I don't fucking know.
>>17262894
Do you spend a lot of time in front of a screen? I find that doing that reduces my empathy.
>>17262906
Quite a bit. I always have, though - well, okay, not always-always, but you get the idea. Even before the empathy issues started.
Don't take me wrong, though. I was never very good with people. I was pretty asocial as a kid - I've got serious medical problems, so it didn't facilitate interaction much. It kind of carried over into teen years and then adulthood. I was never very good at people, so to speak. Missed cues, odd behaviour, off-putting attitude, all the hallmarks of lack of social knowledge. But I could still lend an ear and care about their issues. Now, even that seems to be beyond me.
I don't know. Maybe it's the frustration of having no motivation building up in me. Everyone I know seems to have their shit sorted infinitely more than I do.
>think I'm asexual for years
>find out I'm suffering from an acute hormone deficiency
>start hormone therapy
>suddenly start having desires for touch and a relationship
while simultaneously
>extremely touch averse
>stranger danger anxiety
>zero romantic or sexual experience
>already 23
>try a cuddling site to warm into it, too fucking scared to even respond to messages
debating on ending it
I love you Joseph Aaron, I fucking LOVE you. I always have.
>>17262928
Try to avoid screens and volunteer somewhere, see what happens.
>>17262937
I really don't think that's viable, Anon. I don't have much to do in my free time. Like I said, I'm not a very social person. I don't really hang out and such. I mean, I do, but it's a once-per-whatever sort of deal.
If I don't sit in front of a computer screen to waste time after work/study, I'd go crazy.
Volunteering might not be a bad idea, though, and it would take up some of that sit-in-front-of-a-screen time.
>Unhappy with my long term partner
>Think we've outgrown each other
>Chatting up a girl at work
>She has a bf she is unsatisfied with too
>We text each other all day, everyday
>Literally I'll send a message before sleep and she'll answer as soon as she wakes up, continue throughout the day
>tfw only really upset that i don't know how to initiate fucking this girl rather than the fact I would be ruining my partners life and this girls partner too
>>17262943
There are two good reasons to do that. It'll increase your empathy and help fix your motivational issues. We're usually motivated by things that serve both ourselves and others at the same time. If it's too self-indulgent, we become unproductive. If it's too altruistic, we crush our individuality and suffer.
>>17259882
This is the most beautiful and saddest thing I've seen on this website.
I don't know if I should stop this relationship I have with a girl back home. Currently in the Corps and I can hardly get a hold of her on the phone. We are always togather when I'm home but it feels superficial cause it seems to be the only time was communicate with each other. All I want out of life is to share the rest of my life with someone and have kids. I fear this will never happen and have nightmares/happy dreams of me walking along the beach with my family. It hits me so hard I wake up in tears. All I want to know is if what me and her have is real and if she is willing, to wait for me when I EAS.
I'm really depressed but I have no idea how to properly express my feelings.
Why am I a failure as a human? I just can't seem to function like a normal person. Each and every interaction requires me to pull off intense pretending not to put people off in some way - well, that and getting over the stress of having to get involved in an interaction in the first place.
I'm such a piece of shit, too. Someone literally cried on my shoulder, someone relatively close to me, and I felt nothing beyond mild frustration and awkwardness at being the one to have to deal with this. I helped them out, and felt nothing beyond annoyance at having to do so in the first place.
My fucking family has problems, and my first thought is to find a way to not be involved in whatever solution they come up with.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I just be normal?
>>17262994
A little too vague there anon. Mind explaining a bit more so I can give advice?
>>17261175
What?
>>17263012
Me and my fiancee moved out and as of right now I'm the only one working, her mom is helping me with rent, she can't work because of a fucked up back and knee, and I have to do so much and I can't do it all. I work full time 11-8, and by the time I get home I'm exhausted and fed up with shit. So by the time rent, and my other bills are paid I have like no money left over. I got paid today and I have 4 dollars left out of 520. I'm trying to sell some toys but I hardly have time to take pics for auctions and list them. My hobbies are the only thing keeping me somewhat happy and the hobbies keep the feels at bay.
>>17261602
Did you feel like a crazy methhead who manically found everything hilarious for no fucking reason? I used to be like that
>>17258847
Same thing here anon, i recently lost all my 'friends' because of this. I console myself thinking of them as just another pleb companions.
>>17262949
You think shit would be any different with her? Grow up
I talk to myself. I don't want to, but I can't stop it.
It started sometime last year, I was at work at my old job, where I spent five years on nights working outdoors in the dark with nothing but a generator, a grinder and the occasional glimpse of a coyote to keep me company. I had a hobby of brainstorming up short stories to pass the time and saying the dialogue out loud so I could actually decide if it was something a real person would actually say and not some cheesy bullshit. This usually lasted for a few minutes at a time and then I'd get back to work. It was at some point later on that I began to notice that after I'd dropped the thought and got back to work, I sometimes kept on talking. Without realizing it. And when I began actually cluing in and paying attention, I realized what I was saying was some of the most evil, putrid shit I'd ever heard. Not Tourettes-guy style random swears either, but constructed and detailed rants and imagined scenarios about doing horrible things to people I care about.
Later that year, I left that job to go work out west. It involved a lot more travel, in fact, I'd often be driving for days at a time by myself from jobsite to jobsite, and the fucking talking got worse with that; angrier, louder, actually drawing emotion out of me and I couldn't keep control of it. I was scared shitless.
Now I'm back in my home city, working the same job with a different company and actually being around people now. They're a good bunch, but they've already caught me mumbling to myself a few times, and that absolutely terrifies me because now I realize that I'm not even hearing myself when I say this shit anymore, though apparently my brain's merciful enough to lower the volume when it knows someone's around. Though that won't help me if someone comes up behind me when I'm in the middle of one of these tirades and hears some of the stuff that comes out of my throat.
(cont'd)
>ask for advice in another thread yesterday about making friends with a girl in my class
>semester has actually finished, yesterday was our exam
>/adv/ tells me to go talk to her before or after the exam
>she arrives late
>leaves with boyfriend (?)
Sorry for the /b/ tier greentext
Ive got soul but im not a soldier
I wanna do my best. But, I always fall back into a lazy pattern. I am scared of the future. I'm scared of slacking and failing college, again. I'm scared of being unable to get a job out of college in the US as an international student. As a citizen of my country, I absolutely despise my own country, its people, and everything about. I hate myself. Yet, I don't have the balls to kill myself. I wish death were painless and quick, something like a guillotine would be nice.
>>17263133
So now I've pretty much become a shut-in. I actively dodge friends I've had since kindergarten, I haven't talked to my mom in months and my dad in nearly a year (who, in all honesty, would probably just tell me "Be a man" and hang up the phone) and I awkwardly weed my way out get-togethers and keep myself away from my coworkers whenever I'm not obligated to be near them. So now everyone's (understandably) had just about enough of my shit, but I can't exactly come clean and explain myself to them without sounding like a fucking lunatic.
I already know I'm going bugfuck crazy, I don't want everyone else to know it too.
I'm probably one of those people that will never have a good relationship and winds up being 30 with no friends and then kills themselves in their basement or something.
Every time I think about getting better I wonder what the point is because I don't think I could ever be happy with my life. It feels like the most I can hope for is being quietly depressed instead of actively suicidal.
I was promised off in a poker game to a Filipino family when I was 5 yrs old. This whole time I was growing up I had a fiance. My Dad's moved out (who lost me in the game) and my mother swore on her life she would make me "husband material." I'm turning 19 real soon and we are appointed to meet this year. I don't know what to think, I never had a girlfriend before. I'm not interested in getting one either, all I want to do is graduate college and fund for a new home. Seems like this year I have to leave school for a year to go meet her family and stuff. I never met the girl either, I don't know what she likes, what she's looking for what if my mom failed at raising me to their standards? What do you guys think about this? Am I screwed? Is it screwed? Have an idea on how I can get out of this mess? I don't know what to feel, at this point I sound like some sort of coward or a joke...
How was fucking your dad you ugly bitch?
You said you wanted to be closer but you never did anything about it. I even tried reaching out to you but you still won't budge. Whatever, dude. I'm pretty much done with you.
God fuck. I see your name everywhere now. I hear it everyday, I read it on the Internet, I see it in books. I hate this.
One day I'll be the man you once wanted to know, I'll prove it to you. I'll show you that leaving me was a mistake. You will all pay. I will meet someone twice as better than you will ever be. Then let's see who isn't "fit" to fill in one's shoes.
Hard coping being a massive fucking failure. Dumber, uglier, slower, weaker than I thought I ever could be. Potential lost and am locked into a 4 year degree I hate to work for job I don't want. Considering dropping out (but if I do can never join Uni again do to dropout laws unless redo yr 12 exams and fuck that). If I drop out idk what 2 do with my life.
Considering Necking myself.
D
I'm missing you too. I can't wait for you to come back, you're the biggest joy in my world. I love you and I can't stop. I hope you don't leave without me
R
Tomorrow, well, technically later today, I will be at the funeral home for a friend's viewing; how odd that said funeral home is so close the house we once shared, as well as the college we attended.
The potential... difficulties, worry me, as does the possibility of seeing you.
What a depressing situation, but c'est la vie, eh?5
That felt so good
Why is it too soon? I don't understand, if you really love me why the fuck is it too soon. I haven't said anything and I don't want to pressure you but fuck. WHY THE FUCK IS IT TOO SOON? I WISH I COULD TALK TO YOU ABOUT SERIOUS THINGS WITHOUT YOU GOING SILENT AND APOLOGIZING FOR LITERALLY NOTHING. IM GONNA LOSE MY FUCKIN MIND AND YOU'LL NEVER KNOW BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU.
I wish I knew what to do.
I don't know what the fuck I did all day today. I think I just browsed 4chan all day.
I fap to Naomi Woods porn because she looks like my friend's hot wife
>>17262085
>>17262490
take everything you've got, file the paperwork for a business, do whatever you love. even if you're fucking broke, you'll be happier if you're working on what you love. study how to hustle it, get ahead.
DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS! JUST DO IT! XD
>>17262983
Just break up with her, dude.
War is coming again, and soon. Real fucking soon.
The rest of the world, including her, ain't gonna be waiting for us when the deployment ends. Only a barracks that needs to be field day'd so we can get a few days of drinking and rest before we start field ops and then go back to CAX so we can deploy again.
Focus on your job and the mission. Take care of your Marines. Take care of your feet. Nothing else matters.
Welcome to the suck, brother.
>>17257366
I dreamt of wanting to kill myself for the 2nd time. Feels weird man.
>>17263585
Quite a brave and noble soul. I will never be such a good goyim but your intentions are honourable and I respect that.
>>17263593
>2nd time
>there are people that don't dream of suicide and think of it multiple times every day for the past year
I just lost the best friend I will probably ever have, and I see no reason to get help to stop wanting to kill myself because life without them is going to be pretty fucking mediocre at best without them where every relationship just falls short of what I had with them.
>>17263596
It was a new experience to feel it in a dream, I don't have lucid dreams so they're usually autopilot random events. The dream was really long and for the most part weird autopilot shit, I was making breakfast and cutting up waffles for some girls I've never met before, stupid stuff like that.
I miss my ex :(
We had 2 shitty years, 3 good years and I still enjoy nothing more than giving you affection and getting it in return, but I also feel like this is getting nowhere. I'd be kind of glad if by "we need to talk" you mean "I want to break up with you on the weekend" since that would mean I actually have time and money for myself again.
Then again I'm scared shitless of never again finding a girl that likes me, not having someone to cuddle and watch shitty movies with while it's pouring outside, not smelling your skin again and never eating your dad's awesome barbecue again.
We started off as an unlikely couple, we held on long enough that we learned how to cope with each other's flaws and bettered ourselves for the other. I would not be who I am today without you and I'm worried I'll change for the worse if I don't have you anymore. Will I bury myself in work or will I become a lazy shit and play video games all day? Will I lose what few friends I have because they're all also your friends and doing shit with them will remind me of you, or will I seek their company to keep the loneliness away?
I'm scared of the change, but I'm curious to see what it'll be like at the same time.
>>17263604
You'll find someone like him, the world is vast and filled with similar people.
My fiance is still in love with his ex. We're moving in together in 3 weeks. I don't know what to do...
I'm meeting a girl that I love, who said that she loved me but she isn't sure if she still feels the same way.
There's another guy in the picture now, and I think it's more of a crush and that she will lose feelings for him, but I can't stand to not have her myself. I won't be just her friend, not after what we had together.
I'm going to be on a bus for an entire day to come and see her, and my stomach is in knots because I'm so worried about how it's going to go. I'm going to be there for 4 days, and I'm afraid of spending 3 of them alone if she doesn't feel anything for me anymore.
Maybe she will see what I see in her in me again, and everything will be alright, but I don't know, and I have to be prepared for the worst.
I have a lot of regrets, I was selfish with my time and I let myself get caught up in my depression and pushed her away, and now that I can see what I've done I feel horrible.
I feel like I ruined our relationship with my actions and now there may be no way to fix it.
I still love her the same as I did, and I don't know what I will do if she doesn't feel the same.
>>17259465
ouch, my feelings. I wish my situation was only back in December.
>>17257813
Feelings of inadequacy and fear of underperforming
I really just want you to fuck me.
All this talking about morals and future and love and shit is useless and it is making me frustrated.
Just fucking take me and shut up.
>>17263029
Read the answers. They apply to your hobby.
>>17263782
Aight.
I almost reached for a bottle today but I think I'll just allow myself to feel the pain this time. Let it all wash over me. I can feel heavy esophageal spasms and the accompanying hopelessness. The isolation and depression of being an expat who can't connect to people on any level. Can't go to a group and feel accepted because I have too much trouble with the language on top of anxiety. Medications don't make me feel better, nothing makes me feel better in the end.
I'm just going to feel it instead of hiding it in alcohol. I want to see how deep this rabbit hole goes. Maybe resignation and peaceful acceptance is right around the corner. Who knows.
>>17261724
I don't believe in free will but I believe in the ego. I believe we have free choice, but our options are determined. To act, there's often an internal reasoning that determines the choices of behavior that a person may act in. To react, an action must have taken place and that action and internal desires set the choices contextually.
Free will appears to exist because some scenarios may have endless options, but those options are still going to be bound in reality and the expectations of it (physically and socially).
The ego exists as those internal desires, drives, and personality that determines some of the options. It also acts as the bridge between the moral seeking superego and emotional, berserker id which both supplement in determining the potential choices.
im also baked, so i am probably just rambling lol
>>17263432
Too? Sounds like you already know you have a chance.
>>17263800
There are levels of freedom. When we refer to free will, we usually mean we can act in accordance with our best understanding (or not), as opposed to straightforward conditioning. x>y
You have some freedom even in extremely authoritarian regimes. It's a matter of degree. And those who don't believe in free will tend to underperform in self-regulation.
I'm about to get my heart stomped on again but I'm gonna go and let it happen anyway.
>>17263242
wut?
>>17263811
Interesting. If there are levels of freedom, then there must be different limitations of or restrictions on the freedom that segregate it. Creating tiers of freedom creates a set of options per tier per action. Also, the individual's understanding or lack thereof would also reduce the number of options down to the preferable options that would satisfy the individual after weighing in thoughts, emotions, and ideals. Would this not all be determining a set of possibilities within the context of an action?
Is that correlation maybe because seeing oneself as unable to have that freedom affects one's confidence and motivation? Wouldn't be possible for the free-will deniers to gain a bit of discipline if they realized that they could create a strategy that worked with the rules in their perceived world?
In the game of go, you have a few certain rules about how pieces can be placed and how score is counted. Outside of that, the player can decide to put a piece wherever they please. Those rules and the board's size determine particular rules for the game, and your strategy and opponent's actions determine the choices of moves you can make. Creative play can occur from the endless options that the game provides, but each action taken was taken for a reason by the end of it.
>>17263840
me again, sorry if there was some missing transitions in that. :P I forgot my point half way because I was going to quote a game or something stupid like that.
>>17263842
Of course, but free will doesn't mean absolute will - it's a relative concept that ultimately means having a greater set of options and being able to select them in a way that promotes our well-being. Do most people believe free will means absolutely unconditioned? I don't think so. But it's still a useful concept for the purposes of self-determination.
Whether people who don't believe in free will can do better is another matter. For now they're being outperformed.
>>17257429
You wait. Patiently. Be smart. When he is out, find out what you can do.
>>17261602
Dude that's similar to what used to happen to me. I started smoking weed at age of 17. Everyone else, also rookie smokers, would just laugh and feel the high. I would "overdose" and feel like I'm dying, and I would have to just lay down. Having someone talk to me would be like the only thing that would comfort me at all for the hour.
Just try smoking less.
Now having smoked for years casually, I still see a friend of mine not being able to handle ~3 hits from a bong after having a few weeks break.
Sure weed's not for everyone tho
>>17257966
>>17257972
Ayy nigga c'mere so I can give you a hug, you need one
>>17258296
Fuck dude thats too real, TOO REAL!
Just don't do anything too stupid. Don't hurt anybody who isn't a real piece'a'shit ya dig? If its gonna happen, and who knows, it might, don't do it to somebody just tryin' to get by.
>>17263856
Oh. I feel that it's weird to base one's behavior on something that is considered a relative concept, but I guess I must have been getting the wrong impression. I thought that free will would be pretty unconditioned considering that hard determinism is often contrasted to it. Even if you remove the external influences of the choice you make, you still have the internal ones such as your emotions and desires. When angry, sure you have the free will to flip your lid, to remove yourself to departmentalize, to stay calm and confront, but if you act outta line anyway, what does that mean for your free will?
Not to nitpick, but what is free will to someone that loses control of their behavior such as someone suffering from a mental condition?
I guess I am just wondering how can there be so many influences and variables present that surround a person from the outside and inside but that person's will is considered free if they manage to ignore the pressure of all those? I guess that reaching some form of enlightenment or nirvana or something would be the purest form of free will.
>>17260654
>>17260839
>>17261602
>>17263869
Have you tried using a dry herb vaporizer?
Smoking can cause some people prone to anxiety get hit with the anxiety, but it seems that vaporizing the bud gives a smoother sail.
Smoking would cause my girlfriend to get just like that. She would have a nice buzz for a few minute then freak out within the hour and feel like the world was ending. Changing to vapor alleviated that problem.
So it is possible you got way too high, but maybe you also got way too high with some of the extra cannabinoids that you don't need as much of.
>>17263890
Anything that places a limit on our ability to act according to our best understanding is also a limitation on free will, which is why wise people - defined as those who are skilled in promoting their well-being - reach some "form of enlightenment or nirvana", which is to say they develop mental strategies to overcome akrasia, one of which is the very concept of free will.
It's a problem resolved existentially, as in your game of Go example, not conceptually.
My mother once turned off the wifi when I was in 7th grade and I got so pissed I kicked her and she slapped me with a TV remote and I took out a knife then my dad finally decided to stop us from fighting and ever since then my mom stopped beating me.
>>17263908
Hmm. Thanks for clarifying this for me.
Would it be too far off to suggest that the ideas of free will and determinism exist and work together? You say that free will is relative while I suggest that determinism provides that relativity, so it sounds like they must work off one another.
>>17263929
Try to think of them this way: they're tools to solve problems, how useful they are depends on context.
>>17263870
thanks anon. yesterday was her birthday and i was debating whether to be really stupid and send her something or not. Ended up playing terraria with /v/ and forgetting about it, shit was cash
my dad died
what a mess
>>17257366
I just want to get this off my chest, the solution is obvious now but I still think it'd be good to get it out.
> A couple of years ago, a friend has moved into her own apartment 5 hours away to another city and has no friends over there.
> She's really lonely and I'm chatting with her consistently, getting along pretty well. A lot of combined interests, etc.
> Decide off the bat to go up and visit, I'm a fairly lonely guy myself and don't like anyone else being so down. She's excited at the idea.
> Just before trip, meet up with some mates and told them of the trip. One suggests I might be up there to bang her, never thought of it that way.
> Go up soon after, just after valentines day, and we catch up and spend the evening chatting and drinking away at a tonne of pubs.
> Finally get back to her place, feeling bloody good but keeping my cool as I hadn't seen any signs she was into me.
> She's feeling awful, goes straight to bathroom and then to bed.
> I set up on the couch, go to the loo, see her panties on the floor with the rest of her clothes.
> Feel a boner coming, give them a good sniff before putting them back just as I found them.
> Never said anything about that night, weekend past by fairly quickly and was good fun overall.
> She genuinely enjoyed the visit, sees me off on the last day with a smile. I guess I did good in some way.
I'm known as a nice guy among my friends and acquaintances, but I feel it's just my anxiety and being the least annoying/offensive that makes them see me that way. I'm stuck believing in this image that I can't easily express my sexual desire in women, and I feel immense guilt it the ways I eventually boil over and give in to situations like this.
I've stopped being physically attracted to most women (and men), but at the same time the vague feeling of love becomes more prominent and more enjoyable. I don't have ">tfw no gf" but I really like the idea of companionship.
Being in Dresden on meeting.
Mother-saviour doesn't show up.
Till next year.
Old fags deciding who will do what for the next year.
World citizen my ass.
Palantir guy is boring as hell.
#1029
I have a friend that has been diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer and only me and 1 other friend know this. He wants it to be an absolute secret, even from his girlfriend and parents, so people don't treat him differently.
He has 3 months to cure it. If he doesn't, then he will have 2 years to live.
I've known this guy for almost a year and the mere fact that he chose me to share this with is quite a compliment. And it also struck me hard even thought I avoid bringing it up and just tell him that its going to be okay.
He says it doesn't bother him, that he's seen a lot already and if he goes, he'll go with a smile.
He's a great guy, a guy that kind of changed my point of view this past year.
And yet, I'm probably going to lose him.
Something good happened for once. I went from being academically suspended to being on the dean's list next semester. Barely. 3.3 needed to get on it. I had a 3.31
>>17259088
Dude just leave Amanda
>>17259510
More info plz
>>17259869
Take the pills dude. You'll be filled with regret if you get rid of the cat. I had to seperate with my Buddy awhile back because he had kidney failure and started peeing on the carpet.
When I dropped him off at my mothers to live with her, I cried the whole way back. I can't even think about it without starting to cry. Hes okay though. Healthier now thanks to the meds. But it breaks my heart that he isn't here.
Waiting for the pills to kick in and end it. I'm just so tired of it all.
I really just wish I understood, at the end. But I can't. I can't understand why I was supposed to just accept it. Why suffering is something a person is expected to just deal with, without a complaint. Why I should have been okay with living in a broken shell, with having to put intense effort into every interaction just to - barely - manage what comes naturally to others. Why no one had any advice that didn't amount to 'man the fuck up', as if it was so fucking easy.
I guess it doesn't matter.
I'll miss you. Or maybe not.
I just hope someone misses me.
I love you Chelsea.
Somebody please tell me I did the right thing. Please. Thats all I need to know.
A - We should have sex once you get here. Like, a lot of it. We'll be a long way from home, nobody's got to know about it.
I'm feeling really stupid for thinking something more could happen with this guy
it felt so different, no one ever holds my hand
he did
I'm so dumb it doesn't mean anything. all the sweet talk and soft kisses never mean a damn thing, I need to stop forgetting.
>>17264356
You didn't...
>>17264472
Not all people are fake. I got screwed over by a girl like that, next time I know what to look out for.
Pretty people are often vain, but it's hard to gauge such things because our tingly parts do most of the thinking.
