This will be longer story, just saying.
So my gf has some kind of neurosis that, when she's just a little bit stressed over something, causes her to think only about the worst scenarios of what would happen in certain situation (i. e. she has exams on uni now, and of course she assumes she will fail them, even though for me it doesn't seem very probable as I know she's one of the best students in her group), or see problems and unpleasant situations as more serious, hard to deal with and generaly more stressfull than they are. As these situations don't happen that often, usually I was able to deal with it and somehow managed to help her calm down. But now, she had really bad luck recently. First she got very sick in April (for almost two weeks) so she was absent on uni, and then after a week she had to stay another month at home because she got so mentally destabilized by that previous sickness, and on the top of that she got anemic due to her poor diet and hectic lifestyle and was feeling like she was going to pass out any moment. So after this when she got back on uni she obviously is stressed as fuck about her exams and what not. Of course she talked to the dean and he granted her extended exam session so she could somehow make it on exams. But still she's totally unstable now.
(Tbc in next posts.)
The worst thing about it is that I'm unable to cheer her up. She's crying over all this shit every day. That she will have to repeat the year, that she shouldn't have stayed home for that long (which was necessary though, she got medicine from psychiatrist which started working over the time, and it took a while until she was over her anemy as well). That every day problems (like her dad having some problems with work or car breaking down) are going to have tragic consequences. That every one is fed up with her since she's annoying them with her behavior. Sad thing is it's actualy kinda true. Her parents aren't realy that empathic, and as for me, well, I also have hard time with my exams and work, so dealing with her is sometimes a little too much for me. Especially that nothing is working on her. I tried everything: calming her down by assuring her everything is going to turn out well; convinving her logically that her fears are irrational (she won't fail exams since she's well prepared for them even though she was absent for such a long time, for example); I even tried to be harsh on her and told her to get her shit together and stop acting so selfish, like only she's having problems, Nothing seems to work.
Because of this situation I'm also starting to feel like shit. First because I can't help her. Second because I really get annoyed by her even though she has no control over it and I should rather stay with her and help her no matter what. Third because some of her fears are just way too irrational, yet she treats her deadly seriously, and some of them are pretty problematic for me as well. We don't have have "real" sex since she's too afraid of getting pregnant, so we just play together from time to time, but it's always safe (even though I don't penetrate her, I use condoms and such, and never ever any fluids - be it sperm or this pre-cum shit - got in contact with her pussy in any way. Even though, when her period's late, she always assumes she must have got pregnant, and NOTHING will convince her that's not possible. It's happening now as well - just before her exam session we were playing with each other, so she assumes her late period is not due her extreme stress, but rather she somehow got pregnant. This lead me to conclusion that we should stop doing it at all, but I'm not sure if it won't have a negative impact on our relation. Truth be told this intimacy got us really close, since her period isn't always late, just these few situations when it was made her stressed. But then, how could I know if her next period will be on time or not?
Not sure what should I tell more. We don't live together, we study in different cities and see each other usually twice per month (on weekends when she comes over to my place or I come to hers). We're together for two years now and we really love each other. I would do anything that would make her feel better, even though I feel more and more irritated by her nowadays. She's going to start some therapy in the following months so maybe it will help her a bit (since medicines don't work on her that much, as it seems).
So... any advices on what should I be doing now?
>>17263885
>So... any advices on what should I be doing now?
Yeah, cut your losses and break up with this psycho. You just wrote a wall of text telling me how stressful and high maintenance she is. You even said she acknowledges what she's doing isn't fair to you but keeps doing it.
So tell me, why are you in a relationship with her. Dont just say because I'm in love, make a list of her positive qualities and reasons why she makes you happy. Try to write 3 of each for starters and then see if you feel this outweighs the bad. If you struggle doing this then you may need to reevaluate your relationship.
>>17264006
Well, unlike her parents she's very empathic person. She always knows when I'm feeling down and tries to cheer me up and she succeeds in that. I mean, most people that are close to me (including my own family) don't quite give a shit about how I'm feeling, nothing more than "anon, what happened?... oh, this and that? well I see, this sucks". And that's only when they actually recognise something's not okay with me.
She has very original lifestyle and doesn't give two fucks about how other women behave. New clothes, shoes, makeups and all this feminine bullshit doesn't really concerns her. Just the fact that she doesn't blindly follow these so called "standards"is very intriguing to me, and it makes me really happy that she'd rather go for a walk with me rather than go shopping with me. She's also not very willing to make me pay for anything for her. When we're going to cinema, for example, she often insists that she'd buy tickets for us if we're going to watch something she picked. Ofc I sometimes buy gifts for her and she accepts them, it's not like she doesn't allow me to pay for things for her. It's just like when we order pizza and I pay for it, next time we do that the meal is on her etc.
And finally, she's very clever and briliant person. Unlike many people (both men and women) I know she seems to put a lot of thought in what she's doing with her life and what she's going to do in future. She has goals she wants to achieve, and tries to do that with all her determination. I find it really inspirating and cool. We often talk about things like "if we'll have children, how will we rise them" and such, and she's really serious about that, and gives a lot of thought in everything we discuss.
>>17264006
As for reasons why she makes me happy... Our relationship was pretty fucked up for quite a long time before we started dating, since I did a few nasty things to her. It was very immature form of revenge for ignoring my feelings to her. It turned out later that she was just too shy to properly respond to them, and then after a lot of things happened (in the meantime I started regreting hurting her very, very much) we've met to talk. I was expecting her to tell me to fuck off forever, but instead she not only said she forgives me but also apologized for ignoring my feelings like that. It was very complicated issue and lotsa things happen in the meantime, but tl;dr we found out we want to be with each other and bam, here we are. So the fact that she was able to forgive me (back then and also every time I fucked something up when we were already dating) is the first major thing that makes me so happy I'm with her.
Second thing is she cares for me a lot. It's not that clear now when she has mental issues, but every time I'm sad, have troubles with studies or wok or something pisses me off, she's always there to listen to me and cheer me up. When I'm sick she prepares meals for me, makes me tea, buys medicines and whatnot. You could say it's pretty obvious for a romantic relationship but trust me, the only person that ever cared for me to this degree was my own mom (the only person from my family who wouldn't be a dick when someone else is feeling down). Even in her current state she tries to listen to my complaints about life and help me best she can.
>>17264067
So she's not like those other girls huh? Aside from the crippling neurosis that is. Sounds to me like your looking for a justification to do what you want and any advice you receive to the contrary will be ignored
Neurotic girls are not worth it
>>17264006
Third thing is she convinced me back then that my life isn't meaningless. That someone needs me as much as I need someone else. That even such a dick as me can love and be loved, and it doesn't just mean have sex with someone. Actually we started to have sex after quite a long time - just talking and spending time together was fine in the beginning. Later we started to get horny when the other one of us came by for weekend, but until then I didn't really feel that we need to have sex with her just because we're together. So after all I'm just saying that I'm in love, but not only that - what makes me really happy is fact that she's in love with me.
...
So, uh, another three-post wall of text was made. Hope that gives you a better picture of our relationship, anon. I seriously don't want to break up with her just because she's more problematic for last few weeks. I'd feel like I abandoned her when she needs me the most. It just wouldn't be right. Especially that she's willing to go to that therapy and do something about her issues in general. Only that she hasn't succeeded in that yet.
>>17264073
> Sounds to me like your looking for a justification to do what you want and any advice you receive to the contrary will be ignored
Duh, I was asked to tell what's so good about her, so I did that. That's it.
And it's kinda obvious that I'm looking for other options that breaking up with her. Othervise I wouldn't be posting here.
>>17264078
Alright it's commendable that you want to make it work, but I don't really have any advice for that. Every relationship has down periods but just remember in the back of your head that there is an alternative.
Don't think you're so important that she could never make it without you. Women are stronger than that.
>>17264286
>Don't think you're so important that she could never make it without you.
Okay, but what of it? Should I just let her be and wait until her exam session is over? How am I supposed to talk to her in the meantime? She calls me every day to tell me about her current probies and such. Should I make her shut up if she starts it again today, or just listen to her in silence, or maybe say something? I'm running out of options.
>>17264438
>Should I make her shut up if she starts it again today
At a minimum
OP here, I had some talk with my gf just now and I told her how I feel. About being somehow overwhelmed by her neurosis and such, and assuring her that I want to help her somehow but already ran out of options. She got down a little about it and asked if I am fed up with her. I admited that yeah I kinda am, but that doesn't change the fact that I want to support her. She promised me she will try to overcome this and control her irrational fears as best as she can. We also talked about having sex. She didn't want to give up on it, obviously, and insisted that she wouldn't be scared of being pregnant anymore. That she will be doing tests and such right away so she couldn't get stressed for no reason. I'm still hesitating about that one. Sure I'd rather sleep with her and do things, but I'm not really convinced that she won't get scared of getting pregnant one way or another. I'm a bit confused.
