How often do you check in with your significant other at night when you're not living together? By check in, I mean just any kind of contact.
My girlfriend goes MIA for 12 hours at a time at least once a week. When I type it out like that, I get insecure that she's cheating. So instead of going full retard I'm stopping and thinking and asking advice.
How often do you receive contact from your S/O at night? I've always at least texted once before bed, even if it's short. I rarely ever go to sleep without telling the people i love that I love them. Maybe it's a habit from being a military kid. You just never know when someone's not coming home or not waking up.
My girl seems to think there's no problem with "falling asleep" until 2am and then texting me that she was napping. Naps are cool and shit but I don't know if I can maturely handle my woman going MIA routinely because "naps."
I'm texting my SO basically any time we're not sleeping or at work/school.
In your case, I'm going to give you some advice that you might consider radical or unconventional: have you tried talking to her about this?
>MIA for 12 hours at a time
Holy crap. You have some serious co-dependency issues. Get a hobby or something.
>>17253309
>have you tried talking to her about this?
Yes and there's an impasse. Her argument is that she shouldn't have to control naps. She works hard, she's tired, etc. etc. I've never taken naps before in my life and work harder so it's tough for me to be sympathetic, but I try to compromise.
I told her it's OK every once and a while but the routineness of it concerns me. I told her it would really help if she would just text me a good night or something, let me know she's alive.
She gets mad that I "don't trust her." That view is silly IMO because you can still text and cheat. It's not like shooting me a text at 6pm is really going to change the ability to cheat... so it really is just that I don't like not being able to reach her.
It also bothers me because at the start of our relationship I had no problem with it and did the same thing. She bitched endlessly about how worried she was that I was cheating blah blah blah.
Lo and behold, here she goes doing the same shit. So it hits me on a few levels. And she just gets mad and bitches when I try to talk with her about it.
>Holy crap. You have some serious co-dependency issues. Get a hobby or something.
I think you misunderstand. I am a very busy man, which is why this bothers me so much. I spend my day working very hard... it would be nice to not have to worry about my girl.
So yes, of course some of the trust issues are mine. That doesn't change the fact that i feel she's not meeting me halfway.
>>17253337
>I've never taken naps before in my life and work harder so it's tough for me to be sympathetic, but I try to compromise.
jfc get help dude
poor bitch
>>17253337
>so it really is just that I don't like not being able to reach her.
This should tell you that you have more than just regular trust issues.
>I spend my day working very hard... it would be nice to not have to worry about my girl.
Those two things are entirely independent of each other. What the hell does your hard work have to do with your hardcore clinging?
>some of the trust issues are mine
No, 100% of them are yours. That's the problem.
>meeting me halfway.
It's logically unsound to "meet halfway" when one of the positions is entirely crazy. You've said yourself that you don't think she's cheating and you don't think she's going to run over an IED. Stop worrying about her. Christ.
>>17253337
You know what thanks guys; writing it out helped me get my thoughts together
>>17253303
>My girl seems to think there's no problem with "falling asleep" until 2am
most people are asleep around 2 am.
you're the same person that's posted similar threads dealing with communication clinginess from both the female and male perspective over the last couple days aren't you?
your threads are shit bait mate. I don't know what your point is but if it's to make an actual point you specifically incite the response you're looking for in a quite obvious way. if it's for the lulz then idk man. weird way to get your kicks and a boring topic to boot.
>>17253364
Well I don't have money for a therapist. Do you have any experience with these types of issues? Suggestions?
>>17253366
>you have more than just regular trust issues
OK, I do. I admit it.
But it's not all one sided here. I wrote in my post that I was perfectly fine with this arrangement earlier in our relationship. She did her thing; I did my thing; I thought this was good.
She had a shit storm worth of issues about that. So I compromised, OK, and I started putting my actions where my words were and helping her feel more at ease.
So it seems rather irrational to be putting this entire cross on me right now as harshly as you're doing it.
>No, 100% of them are yours. That's the problem.
No, I covered that in my post. This wasn't an issue for me at first. So if I have issues now, it's a direct result of our relationshit.
>entirely crazy
Hm.
>>17253386
>over the last couple days aren't you?
I haven't been on advice in weeks.
Well anyway, thanks for the replies and the thoughts. I'll think about what you've said. OP out
>>17253303
If theres one thing Ive learned in my life it's this; if you think something is going on, it most likely is. Especially since you seem to be a stable person from your self awareness. Honestly asking her to check in is going to make the situation worse no matter what she's doing.
It seems like women respect a man less when they seem insecure about them leaving/cheating. So either do what you have to do to find out the truth or leave it alone. Don't whine to her when you don't hear from her, your making things worse.
>>17253401
OP here, I'm glad I came back that advice was fucking awesome.
Thank you.
>>17253392
alright well then here's some real advice. you didn't have a problem until she had issues with your communication availability or whatever so you compromised, you worked on that and pushed yourself into a spot that she was comfortable with, if that makes sense. now she does the same thing to you and isn't as willing to compromise it sounds like. I'd say your reaction is based on the fact that is a bit lopsided isn't it? feels like you're getting played a bit doesn't it? makes it feel sketchy, like something is off right? well something is off. I don't know your relationship but I can see from here that something is broken. I don't agree with that one overly aggressive poster blaming you 100% as I can relate to this problem on some levels. you are reacting to a situation where it feels like you might be getting taken advantage of in some way or being placed at a lower level than the other party who should also be working on the relationship. match that with a recurrent, what feels like a lazy excuse, and you get a situation where it can feel like the other person is acting in a suspicious way. at the very least, not respecting you or the relationship. and then it starts a cycle when they refuse to change anything when you bring it up.
could be she's cheating, could be she's not. I had a gf that for weeks straight would cover up not responding or being available for our planned dates with shopping, she was cheating I found out later.
frankly I'd say the prognosis for your relationship isn't good. shits broken yo.
I probably rambled a bit, I'm not going back through to edit my book, but there you go. hope it made some sense
>>17253422
It made a lot of sense. Thank you for the post. I've struggled with it for a while but you and the above poster are right - it doesn't even matter if she's cheating.
And honestly, it doesn't really matter to me either. The real problem is the lopsidedness. It feels like I'm getting played and it doesn't even really matter if I am or not - do I really want to spend more time with someone who makes me feel like I'm getting played? Especially when people on the internet can tell things are broken and why?
Thank you for the outside perspective.
Coming from someone who is largely dependent on others.. You've got issues. If you aren't living together there should be a few full days each week that you either speak extremely sparingly or not at all. I see my gf fri/sat/sun/wed. The other three days I may text her 3 times total. If she can't be alone for a half day without you thinking something is wrong the problem is entirely your own.
>>17253432
the problem for OP being that's about how things where from what I can gather, then she had a shit fit about him not being available or busy or whatever and so he made himself more available for her to put her at ease, now she does the same thing and won't change anything but, one could assume, expects OP to remain as available to her as she wishes.
he's in a lopsided situation where they've both entered into a MAD trust situation and one of them just put up a hard wall in front of the other. shits fucked and unless they can work through that the relationship is done. there is no fix for that problem unless she's either willing to have him just do his thing without freaking out or make herself available. or he's gotta just deal with a situation where he's put in more effort that the other person in the partnership it sounds like. which would seem to be an unhealthy choice from a self respect standpoint.
