My gf has been LDR for 3 months (due to work). Comes back in a day. She is highly independent and not a big texter.
She went out to get drinks with a girlfriend of hers last night and sent me a nice message before she left. I responded and didn't hear from her the rest of the night.
Around 2am I sent her a text asking if she were still out and I'd figured she'd had texted me throughout the night that I was now going to bed.
About 8 hours later when she awakes she sends me a sarcastic text that no, she was with her friend cheating on me already and then addressed my follow up text prior and said how she is now sick due to the weather there.
I feel like an ass and I got pissed off because I am loaning her $300 today and figured the very least she could do is text me more often. We barely text to begin with.
Additionally, I do SO much shit for her (took care of her house while she was gone) and as little as she text me I always figure she's meeting someone or something.
How do I reply to her last text?
What exactly did your initial follow-up and 2am texts say?
>>17251216
>give her money
>expect constant attention in return
So your girlfriend is a escort?
Forget about responding. You need to come from a place of power and control, if you wish to unfuck your situation.
>do you honestly feel she owes you anything?
>can you value her freedom to be independant whenever you're not spending time together?
>do you trust her to be monogamous, if that's your agreement?
If you can't be happy with this arrangement, either get out or establish more clear principals with her. If you don't feel like giving her money, then don't. Expect her to be upset, but frankly she doesn't seem like she's treating you the way you feel you deserve, so there's that. Don't be a doormat, mate. Give her a soft next if she gives you trouble. Don't apologise, do backtrack on asking her something completely reasonable.
>>17251216
>She is highly independent and not a big texter
what is the problem here? Why don't you be honest and tell her the real reason you are pissed. You think she's out fucking. By the way she has.
>>17251288
>>17251220
>>17251261
I'm trying to reply but keep getting a connection error. I just called her. She explained she was with her girlfriend and was chatting with her the entire night, that she isn't going to give me status updates the entire night and be rude to her friend by texting me. Then she said she got on a train, went home and had dinner with her mom late at night and went to sleep. She said when she's out she isn't going to be texting a lot and take away from the person she is with or some shit. I just nodded and then changed subjects.
>>17251261
She is suppose to return the $300 once she gets paid end of next week. But still. Felt like she should give me more attention regardless.
>If you can't be happy with this arrangement, either get out or establish more clear principals with her. If you don't feel like giving her money, then don't. Expect her to be upset, but frankly she doesn't seem like she's treating you the way you feel you deserve, so there's that. Don't be a doormat, mate. Give her a soft next if she gives you trouble. Don't apologise, do backtrack on asking her something completely reasonable.
Okay, I'll do this. I will have more of a backbone and rely on her less.
>>17251297
Problem is she has been gone for 3 months. I miss her. She is independent so doesn't text much or call much.
She flew out of the country to work a few months then flew back to her home state before coming back to mine. This means she got to see ALL her girlfriends for the last month or so. I'm literally THE LAST person who gets to see her since she's been back. This secretly pisses me off as I've been maintaining her house and doing a lot of shit for her.
So these insecurities leak out.
Just to prove a point I can be independent I will fuck off when she comes back for a while to show her I don't need to be around her 24/7.
She just called me. Think things will be OK.
>>17251307
Dude, stop that attitude. Behaving this way just to prove a point is utterly pointless and immature. Your fault was that you not straight out voice your concerns. Had you told her what you told us - meaning the "secretly" part - in a calm manner, she - assuming she still loves your attached ass - would've acknowledged this and done something about it.
(This only goes if you're mainly independent and strong. If you're a whiny bitch, kys)
So stop the secrecy and games. Tell her your feelings but accept if she insists on her way. That may lead to a breakup, but at least no one throws shit at the end.
>>17251316
Okay, good point. I will be more direct.
Stop being so needy dammit.
Learn to live with yourself my man.
>you don't go out together
>you don't communicate
>she asks for money
How is this a relationship? Am i missing something?
>>17251216
I don't think it's unreasonable to want your partner to check in. If she can check in when she's leaving then she can do it when she's going home or is going to bed.
I was like your gf until my bf told me how he felt (like you-wanting to text or call more, wanting me to check up so he knows I'm safe). At first I was stubborn then I learned that having a relationship means compromise and I didn't want to lose him.
You should definitely have your own life, but I agree with you in wanting her to check in. It may be alittle rude if she texts infront of her friend, but not if she tells her "Hold on ok I have to send this text". She doesnt want to be rude to her yet she'll be rude to her bf? A bf that'a loaning her money?
In order to have a successful ldr there needs to be honesty, compromise, trust, an openness of feelings (don't be passive aggressive) and plenty of love shown through texts and calls.
Your response should be to tell her how you feel and what you expect from your relationship with her. If she refuses then you need to think about having a partnership with a person who doesn't want to compromise.
