How to get over jealousy and insecurity?
Logically I understand when I'm being unreasonable but it's like an irrational fear. I imagine my girlfriend in crazy scenarios and can hardly handle her casually chatting with male strangers. I can tell it's starting to take a toll on our relationship but it's in my mind and it's an uncontrollable reaction that I can't stop no matter how much I try to calm myself with reasoning.
So far I'm coping with gently telling her stuff like "I know you're not doing anything wrong, but X is making me really uncomfortable. Can we talk about my fears and be patient with this? "
She's very willing to do this for me but I'd like faster/better methods for when her talking me down doesn't work. I have no money for therapy.
An example of this:
> gf comments on random guys post on Facebook
> reality is he's a stranger she doesn't even know
> mind tells me she's cheating
> set up story in head about their affair
> urge to check her phone
> all while brain is saying "chill. It's just a stranger. You trust her"
> can't make one half of brain match up with logic part
> End up confronting her and immediately regretting it
> knew she was faithful all along only after emotions take over
TLDR how to get over unreasonably extreme jealousy stemming from insecurity
bumperino
Keep your mind busy.
>>17251705
I do this but I get a physical feeling of unease, almost like nausea in my stomach and I can't eat or drink. Meanwhile it's a battle in my head. On a normal day I'll think "it's ok for girls to have male friends just like I innocently have female friends" but when I see her with a male friend my brain flips a switch and I think "only whores have male friend's. One of them must have feelings for the other. I bet she secretly thinks he's attractive and would Fuck him if he asked her right now"
Then after the event I'm back to thinking reasonably. It's insane and I know I'm the only problem here but I can't relax if my whole way of viewing the world changes the moment I get jealous. How do I control this? I think I seriously need therapy.
>>17251705
It's worth noting that this comes from insecurity and I do this outside of a relationship as well with things like job, money, school. Generally I have anxiety over all these things and picture the worst scenario possible. I just don't care about my job as much as my girlfriend so it goes to the extreme with her.
I'm mentally incapable of reasoning with myself when jealous. My mind will do backflips to make up crazy stories and reverse everything I believe in like an alternate personality.
I think I need more tips for prevention because once I'm there I'm too far gone.
>>17250571
I'd say to start working out, playing sports, doing a regular jog, something to get you physically active. That should result in an increase in testosterone levels, which then tends to result in an increase in confidence, which should make you less insecure and alleviate the problem.
You can also google "How to increase testosterone levels" for more methods.
I've got friends with girlfriends, and the less "manly" guys tend to have a similar problem. Gave the same advice (well, convinced them to go rock climbing with me), and they got happier in general.
Also, stop watching cuckold porn. The more weird porn you watch with scenarios about cheating and shit, the more suspicious you get.
>>17251763
I don't watch that kind of porn. I do see a lot of threads here about cheating but I can't stress enough that I really do trust my girlfriend 90% of the time or whenever I'm thinking clearly. It's low self esteem and insecurity. I'm worried I'm not good enough and she'll fall in love with someone better more than I'm worried she'll randomly Fuck some guy so even casual chatting with strangers triggers this feeling even if she never sees him again.
I'm too lazy to take up running or sports to be honest. I'd never stick with it. I tried going to the gym but gave up after a couple weeks. I won't make an excuse about not having the time but I like the few days off I get to relax with my girlfriend
>>17251763
What other ways are there to increase confidence? I feel I'm pretty confident already in every other aspect of my life, or at least I fake it well. I make jokes and friends easily, go dancing, have hobbies, good at my job and socialising with strangers. But when it comes to my girlfriend I'm a nervous wreck with zero confidence in myself mostly because I KNOW I'm not that good for her because of all my problems that I'm trying to fix. It's a positive feedback loop.
Perhaps you should try to find out why you become so unreasonably jealous. Like, did something in your past cause this massive insecurity, something that you never really resolved?
>>17251828
Possibly divorced parents. Though I wouldn't really say they weren't in my life after divorce. Never been cheated on, maybe a little verbal abuse as a kid from my parents but I dont want to put my problems down to a reason and say "that's it. I'm broken now. Can't fix it"
Them telling me I'm lazy and stupid didn't stop me from getting a job or a girlfriend or friends, and I'm not dumb, just have insecurities. Lots of people grow up fine in that situation.
I love my girlfriend enough that I want to change my entire self to be better for her. Even if we end up breaking up, I need to change to have a healthy relationship with someone else as well.
>>17251822
You could find a project to work on and do it with your girlfriend. For example, ask your girlfriend if she wants to make a tesla coil with you. Working together on something might help.
