>>17249720
on that note, she and one of her friends came to stay with me and my girlfriend in LA for four nights and she's spent the whole time acting like a scared animal but being fucking stupid, like not buckling her seatbelt in the car even after I ask her to, then apologizing like crazy and whenever I talk she just says "okay, okay, okay" in this cheerful voice. everything she does just seems so insincere, like she's literally mimicking every single thing she does from me or my parents.

She never has anything to add in conversation and her friend has to talk for her and her friend is fucking annoying but a good friend. She told me "I let her be herself because your mom and dad give her so much shit" (about the tats, men, etc)

I don't know. My sister has been in therapy all her life but I'm pretty sure she's autistic or something.

Fuck it. Cut your losses.

If you can talk to her, and have common ground on some experiences as children in the same hometown, then you'll be alright. Yes, you two are very different. You're probably also pretty different from a lot of people you're close to also. She's never done anything bad, right? If her parents give her shit and neither does her big brother, who's she supposed to turn to when things get rough?
Talking negatively about her won't help you two become closer. Having a positive attitude is key.

>>17249734
I resigned to do that a couple years ago but it makes me feel like shit because I was the older sister and if I had been there for her as a kid instead of literally ignoring her for all of our childhood maybe she would have been a more well developed person.

plus my mom only recently told me that before she was born my dad cheated on my mom and it almost ruined their marriage, and then they had my sister so in case they split up I wouldn't feel alone and that killed me.

>>17249752
I'm really, really trying. It's just so hard to be positive when she shows up and there's this overwhelming feeling of negativity that's been festering for 20 years.

I've always tried to blame my parents for never letting us fight out our problems. They'd always tell me that it was my duty as the older sister to basically deal with whatever bothered me and not get mad, so as a result I just ignored her all the time.

every tiny thing she does annoys the shit out of me. One weekend together isn't going to change that and I was stupid to think it would.

>>17249758
It sounds like the issue of your family dynamics extends beyond this anonymous image board. Because solving a family issue takes other strong family ties. Some families are full of tension and individuals, and others are more tight-knit. It's okay if yours isn't, because it is what it is. Perhaps your parents would be able to help you best in bringing you two closer together? As an individual, fighting this week bond between you two might be tough.

Have you tried getting drunk with her?

>>17249777
We are both close with our parents, but I think I personally stray away from being close with many people. I love my mom, but I'm bad at calling her.
>>17249788
Yes, this weekend was her 21st birthday, and all she did was talk about what a slut she is and it disgusted me

>>17249720
This may sound fucked up to the max but please keep an opened mind.

You should try having sex with her.
Maybe she likes you. She wants to be more like you right?
Try getting her to ike you more, then get her drunk. Start kissing her a little. cop a feel. do the lezbo thing. [spoiler]finger in puss[/spoiler]

She has as shit taste in men so why don't you convert her or something. get her to explore her sexuality and use you big sisterlyness to your advantage!

>>17249805
You want to be close to this person?

>>17249805
>all she did was talk about what a slut she is and it disgusted me
Why?

>>17249818
i vomited

>>17249837
because i know she does it because she has low self esteem. apparently she's always sending nudes to male acquaintances for no reason. I can just feel when I'm around her that there's a type of person she really wants to be, but is so completely lacking any sort of confidence, even in speaking, that it just feels so overwhelmingly uncomfortable. I don't know how else to describe it. I wonder if shes different around her friends.

>>17249865
i know how men are because I hang out with them, and I know she's the kind of girl who they know is easy and will take advantage of her.

Lol, this is too funny. Younger siblings often try to copy older siblings. There is nothing weird about that except that this dynamic is usually seen when the siblings are younger...it sounds like your relationship has literally never changed.

I think you're holding her to a set of standards that, while a lot of people generally don't like people like her, she just isn't going to live up to right now, or probably ever. It also sounds like she is a lost and confused individual.

You don't have to like her, and if you really can't stand her that much, limit your contact like I'm sure you have been and stop feeling bad about it. You feel bad that you dislike her on some level and it would be difficult to just let go of those feelings. Why do you feel that you have to like her? Figure that out and stop it.

If you can't and want a relationship with her (it seems like you kind of do) maybe ease up on her a bit? Lower your standards of her. She's a girl growing up in some pretty ideologically confusing times. Or a little tough love? Like, "Sister, you are being stupid. Have some self-respect."

Maybe this is a little too traditional and good-willed for the advice board on the esteemed 4chan, but this is your flesh and blood. At least try to make it work. Sounds like she needs some guidance. Be there for there. Tell her your perspective without being a cunt.

Heres the problem with listening to some of these idiots who say thats youre family and always be positive. Let me tell you a story.. I grew up with 2 brothers and an older sister. Same deal, total weirdo, socially retarded, cant say a sentence without the word I being used 10 times but super smart and successful job wise. Our mother was diagnosed with alzheimers 11 years ago. I'm the oldest boy I was 20 at the time. Mom and I were always close so I stayed home til I was 25 to help out. When I did leave I moved 5 mins away so I could still help out with our mom. Years go by and even though my sister lived 15 min away we rarely saw her. Our grandparents both passed about 3 years ago within the same month. Being the only girl and being financially successful the estate was left to her. Having spent a lifetime of not dealing with any serious problems she had a meltdown and concocted a paranoid conspiracy about our uncle trying to change the will. Me being rational I went and got paperwork showing nothing had happened. Long story short she sent a drunken text to my uncle voicing her concern for me about the will. Forever making shit weird with me and my uncle. I was the one who ended up selling the house in the end. Then about a year ago she moves 7 hrs away with her new husband. First one was gay. Still rarely see her. Appearantly they were visiting his parents who live 10 min away and her husband has a heart attack. 36 yrs old dies on the couch. Now shes all fucked up. Purse sounds like fucking morraccas. Shes staying at my place drinking like a fish and trying to bang all my friends. Real classy. So I take her back to her place after 2 weeks of my personal nightmare. Stay there for almost a month cleaning up this pig sty in this beautiful home in the country. Finially I get the fuck out and back home. 2 months ago mom gets real bad. Out of the blue she visits and were literally taking mom to the hospital, her bodys failing, she finially passes\ continued

>>17249918
this is what i had told myself in the past, but with the pressure from my mom and my girlfriend (and even my sister's friend, who justifiably made me feel like shit because her sister just died of brain cancer) and the whole thing about my parents conceiving my sister for me makes me feel obligated.

Also, literally every time i have ever tried to give me tough love or be upfront with her at all, someone has made me feel like shit about it.

>sister lists a bunch of stuff i posted on my personal blog that i intentionally hide from family members
>"sister are you stalking me on the internet or something?"
>"what! no!"
>girlfriend: "anon!! you're being an asshole!"

she's not a fucking teacup and im not going to asspat her for socializing like a fucking autist

I guess I just don't know what to say since my older bro was always the more together one. I remember after I dropped out of college and was living as a neet at home things were really tense between me and my parents. I asked him one day if I could move in with him while looking for a job and he refused. It hurt a lot since we had always been close but looking back it was probably for the best.

I'm sorry, idk how this was supposed to help but give your sis a break. Try to set her straight if you can but I think she'll figure things out eventually.

>>17249720
You should fly her out get drunk and have sex with her

>>17249993
im waiting the continuation of this


OP here. My sister and her friend are currently on the couch (i'm working in my room) watching Bob's Burgers. My sister is quoting the episodes like shes seen them 100 times. Is she actually autistic?

>>17250065
Tell her to watch a real show like Steven universe

>>17249996
So, you're not going to stop feeling bad about wanting her in your life because of guilt that you harbor over the reasoning for her being born, you're not going to try to raise her to the standards you think are right for her because of others pressuring you, and you're not going to put up with her current behavior (which I would says is the least negotiable as it is the cause of all this). One of these is, I believe, you're only option and it sounds like the first two are the most practical unless you can change what you're willing to tolerate, which doesn't sound like it's going to happen. I don't see any other way out. Find the path of least resistance between the first two.

For your conscious, trying to raise her to your standards, regardless of what people think, kind of gives you the most guilt free way out in the long term. You can say that you tried. Maybe wait until the next time you two are alone (or in front of someone who would be tolerant of a serious conversation between you two) to try to tell her how you expect her to behave.

She doesn't shape up around you, cut her loose. You'll probably still feel bad but not as bad as if you didn't try, if you really can't just not give a shit.

>>17250065
I mean, maybe. Perhaps she's just dull. I'm assuming you're generally just smarter than her and that's where a lot of this tension comes from.

I'm misty just writing this. So mom go's like 5 days after we get her to the hospital cause she was tough. Keep in mind this woman raised 4 kids by herself, our dad left when I was 8. She never let us go without and bent over for all her kids. So now shes gone and my sister wont leave my poor stepdad alone, and hes a wonderful man who never let our mom go a day without knowing how loved she was. He took great care of mom and we were fortunate enough to keep her at home for almost all of the illness. So my sisters up his ass giving her opinion on everything with the funeral. Purse still fucking rattling around with pills, destroying bottles of wine talking about herself all the god damn time. Funeral day comes my brothers stepdad and I are fucking crippled. The shit was brutal.. We get through it somehow and we rented this real nice place, food was like 35 a plate, fucking open bar. We did it up. My sister the grace of the ball says I dealt with mom being sick a long time ago and I want to be there for you and youre brothers and proceeds to get wasted and hit on my friends ( who all will leave my house at the whisper of her name) and they think shes so gross. So this jamboree gos on for a couple hours and because she forced my closest brother ( who I live with) into a bunch of photos he got pissed and left. Then she focusses in on me with crazy plans of getting drunk on my couch and being a pig for a couple days... I finially had enough and put an iron curtain around my shitty apartment. I told her it wasnt a good time and that I needed to rest. Fast forward 12:30 that night my brother and I's phone rings. Its our friend Christeen who I told to watch my silly sister. Curtains up we ignore it. Next day comes I go see my stepdad and he tells me christeen called him at 12:30 telling him that this gem was blacked out drunk and insisting on getting in her car and driving to some real winners house. So this man who had not only taken care of this girls mother had to\ cont

>>17249720
>She's never done anything BAD, I just don't like her, and I don't know how to fix it.

By being a GOOD person. This means spend time with her in whatever dose and at whatever frequency you're able to. She's annoying and she makes you cringe to a degree that no one else can. It's exhausting being around her, because you're constantly, unrelentingly uncomfortable, and you constantly have to hide it. I absolutely get all of that.

If spending any amount of time around your sister is ruining your life or your mental health, then stop. But otherwise, keep being there for her. Keep showing her that you love her. She needs it. And keep trying to get more help for her. Keep talking with her and with your parents about support groups for people with severe OCD and maybe look into support groups for family members of people with OCD. Your sister deserves support from her family, but supporting a person, day-in day-out, can be so demanding that the people doing it need support, too.

I think that at the core of your post might be an unspoken question, "I kind of don't want to support my sister anymore. I feel guilty for asking, but is there a way she can not be my problem anymore?"

Maybe someday you will have kids (don't know the particulars of your situation). Or maybe you'll move to another part of the country or another country. My point being, some day you won't be *able* to take care of her, either because you won't be there geographically, or you simply won't be available because other demands on your time will make it impossible. What I'm asking is, has that time already come? Because if not, I suggest you continue to help her all you can. Just do your best, and recognize that your best varies from day to day and week to week.

The thing is, someday your parents will be dead. Awful thing to say, but entirely true. When your parents are dead, there will be no one to talk about them with who really remembers them the way you do. Except your sister.

>>17250159
Paragraphs motherfucker, use them

Pick this debutant up at 1 am on the day he buried his wife. That friday I go back to see my stepdad and shes there. Of course she gos on about herself and how she wants to be around more. And here it comes again in the guise of being concerned about my brother ( whos legitimately pissed about her posting facebook pics of him on the worst day of his life) and I snapped and reinforced that fucking curtain. I finially told that heiress about herself and will not be having any dealings with her in the future unless I absolutely have to. You do for the people that count. Family, friends whatever but fuck you people who say always do just cause there family. Some people just suck at being human and have no social grace and you shouldnt feel obligated to let them in youre house cause youre related.

>>17250182
I see why you would think all of these things. and that ending paragraph is why I really, really want it to happen. I guess I always hoped that she would grow into herself like I did in college and be tolerable. Maybe she still will.

I guess one of the reasons I hate being around her so much is because she reminds me of me when I was at my worst.

I forgot to mention, I have tried to reconcile with her in the past, but she was being a little bitch in her late teens. She would tell people our dad was "abusing her" and I know for a fact that he wasn't. He was just telling her to graduate and be a reasonable human.

Also, about three years ago when I was going through a really, really shitty point in my life, she failed to graduate and "ran away" and my mom was crying and losing her shit. I sent her a facebook message that, in the most calm tone, told her to come home and she doesn't know what it takes to live on her own, and that our parents just wanted the best for her. She told me to fuck off and that I don't know anything (even though I'd been living on my own in another part of the country for five years) and I stopped trying altogether. My mom keeps saying she's changed, but all I see is that now instead of a little bitch she's now a scared animal, and I don't know which pisses me off more.

I guess what I want to know is, if I keep making little efforts like letting her stay with me for her birthday (which I NEVER would have done two or three years ago) will I actually make any progress? Is 21 still young enough so that she'll mature socially?

I'm worried about her fucking her life up but I feel powerless to do anything, and I'm worried I'll never like her. I don't know what I want. I just want to have a normal sibling relationship.

>>17250324
>I hate being around her so much is because she reminds me of me when I was at my worst.

SAY THIS to her. Maybe don't use the word, "hate," but believe me, she knows you have a hard time being around her. But she figures it's just because she's such a failure of a person. She hates herself for the way she behaves, I can bet you that right now. For you to tell her that she reminds you of yourself, and that THAT'S one of the reasons you have a hard time being around her, would be a huge relief.

>If I keep making little efforts like letting her stay with me for her birthday will I actually make any progress? Is 21 still young enough so that she'll mature socially?

I can't tell you. I can tell you how to find out: Try.

>I'm worried about her fucking her life up but I feel powerless to do anything.

It's not your job to fix her life. It's your job to do your best to be supportive while she tries to fix her life. "Your best" does not mean, "the best that any person could conceivably do, every day." It means your. best. Some days, your best might be not returning her phone calls. Hey, that's better than telling her to kill herself. Other days, your best might be inviting her to stay with you for your birthday. That's pretty damn good. You are the only one able to look at what you're doing and judge whether you're doing your best. If someone ever tries to make you feel like you're not doing your best, and you know you are, invite them to do better. They'll usually realize they have somewhere else they need to be.

>I'm worried I'll never like her.

You'll like parts of her. Eventually. So long as you love her, and she knows it, you've done your job.

>I don't know what I want. I just want to have a normal sibling relationship.

There aren't any. There isn't a way it's supposed to be. There's just what it is.

>>17249865
what's your sisters number famalam?

But anyway, it sounds like female coping mechanisms for autism.

I have no advice, but sympathise. My little brother is an autist weirdo with strange sexual repressions- I'm pretty sure he posts on /d/ too much- and I find him incredibly irritating to the point we can't carry conversations.

>>17250324
...except for this advice.
People definitely keep changing right up until 25.
She's obviously insecure, and it sounds like she experimented with hyper-confidence to overcompensate, she's been burned by that and now doesn't know how confident or timid to be. She needs to figure out the happy medium.

Maybe you don't have to like her, you just have to come up with a controlled, ritualised way of interacting with her that gives her a sense of stability, reassures her that you're around and care about her and keeps you two in contact.

>>17250422
>People definitely keep changing right up until 25.

I can't help be imagine an eight-year-old telling a seven-year-old that people definitely keep changing right up until age 6.

People never stop changing. I'm in my 30s, and the distance between who I was at 20 and who I was at 25 is nothing compared to the distance between who I was at 25 and who I am now.

>>17250427
I meant more in a technical, scientifically supported way.
Not the touchy-feely "every person is a caterpillar just take some more LSD to expand your mind shit" and not the way in which people have accumulated more shit in their life.

People have not physiologically matured up until roughly 25. Their brains are still growing.
There's good data on people worldwide changing drastically in their behaviour at that age. That's when people basically become adults, not 18 or 21 etc.

>>17250445

No doubting you, but can I see that data? You can plug "brain mature 25" into Google and get a rash of results, but they're all pop-sci articles with no hard references. You can also plug "brain mature 30s" or "brain mature 40s" into Google and get similar results of pop-sci articles vaguely mentioning "new studies," so I'm not sure there's any consensus to be had.

>>17250464
http://hrweb.mit.edu/worklife/youngadult/brain.html
Not him and I haven't read the conversation but here you go. Your brain isn't finished developing until your mid 20s. You still grow and change in life in different ways after your 20s, and can have personality shifts or other major changes brought on by circumstances but your brain finishes growing in your 20s.

Don't google maturity by the way, it's a loaded word. Replace that word with development and see if you get better results.

>>17250479

Thanks much

OP here, this is really a lot of great advice, and at the very least comforting. You all got me teary eyed. I really hope I can make something happen.

>>17249865
If you want somebody to grow, you stop judging them so much.
It sound slike she's terrified around you. Whydon't you encourage her and get down off your ivory tower. You sound mean and selfish tbqhfam

>I love my mom, but I'm bad at calling her.

>it disgusted me

Why don't you say something meaningful to her you bloody grinch.

>I'm gay
>my girlfriend

Does not compute