Hey anons, was searching around the interwebs and finding signs that he's cheating, so far I've gotten like 1:1 on everything these lists point out.
But i dont know if its just circumstantial, or its generic and vague to relate to more people and therefore I'm just jumping to conclusions.
So what are something you guys have noticed about cheaters from long term relationships or even short term, im desparate to save my relationship and think everything is a okay but it's getting harder and harder to stay silent.
what did you notice when you caught your s/o cheating?
>>16483608
It largely has to do with your significant other being secretive.
Do they wander to another room when they take calls, or turn the screen towards them when they text? Do they delete search histories or texts? Also, how often do you spend time with one another? If you live together, it should be pretty easy to pinpoint times when they sort of disappear and fall off the grid for a bit.
>>16483608
>save my relationship
Honestly, if you find out that they've cheated, then don't bother. Ask ANYONE with experience, and they'll tell you 98/100 times, it was an awful mistake that cost them a lot of time, heartache and hope.
>>16483640
Yes all of these things I've noticed for two years almost.
>>16483640
I know its probably not going to work but for my kids i'd like to try and see what maybe I'm not doing that someone else is...
But after both aren't happy it doesn't seem logical to keep trying. Or even if ones not happy, cause then neither will be. not really anyways.
>>16483658
Have you tried looking? If so, does he get defensive or angry when you look? Or does he even let you at all?
>>16483676
My own parents tried making things work for me and my brothers' sakes. It was an awful idea. A family can only function properly if people actually want to be there. Staying in a relationship just for the sake of staying in it is going to make the two of you resent one another.
Take it from someone who grew up in a household that didn't have to be as screwed up as it was -- Don't let your kids get caught in the middle of YOUR bad relationship if it does in fact turn out to be a bad one.
Your kids will respect you much more for making a hard decision to remove yourself and them from a bad decision than they would for allowing them to grow up in a crumbling household. You and your partner will start to feel like disgruntled employees who HAVE to show up for work if there's a problem and you don't address it.
>>16483608
Yeah I figured. He already acts like that...
Meanwhile it's breaking my heart..
But yes when I try to look, he gets angry, if we argue (and usually he'll turn anything into one.) and he possibly just leaves for the night,
>>16483795
>if we argue (and usually he'll turn anything into one.)
>just leaves for the night,
I can't tell you what to do, but those are things I'd never accept in my own relationships, ESPECIALLY if you have children who are depending on the adults in the house to be there for them, as well as being dependable. There's a serious problem when someone just walks out the door, because it's more than them showing that they don't want to be there -- It's showing that they don't care who they're leaving behind, or how badly they might be needed. What will you do when he storms off when your family desperately needs to be together? Children need to be supported by responsible, dependable adults. There should never be any question of whether the man will be home tomorrow.
It sounds to me like your partner is very childish and shouldn't be in a relationship. What YOU need to take seriously is the fact that this will absolutely have an effect on your kids. It's one thing if you want to stay in a bad relationship on your own, but you should never subject your kids to a home that's anything other than safe, welcoming and consistent. Keep in mind, sons will treat their women the way they see their fathers treating their women, and daughters will expect to be treated the way they are treated by the father/see their mother being treated.
Your kids can't make the decisions, so you need to make the decisions that are best for them. If that means leaving this guy, then so be it. Just be sure about everything you do. Honestly, what I would do is have a very serious talk about this. Tell him that you need him to be there for you, and that, more importantly, the kids need him to be there. You're both adults, so don't play around; There's no need to waste you and your kids' time. The whole point of a relationship is to make your life better. If your relationship doesn't accomplish that, then you really need to ask yourself objectively, "What's the point?"
>>16483848
That's the question that's been haunting my mind lately.
You're right though. And I already knew all of these things I suppose, I just needed confirmation. Thank you, Aru.
>>16483848
> Honestly, what I would do is have a very serious talk about this. Tell him that you need him to be there for you, and that, more importantly, the kids need him to be there
I've tried talking, he acts annoyed, and says its a waste of his time. Tells me his family thinks I'm too negative all the time. Which is also childish if you ask me on all of their parts.
My obstacle currently, is getting him to admit to anything. He says I'm crazy and that I'm manifesting everything in my head.
It's hurtful and just pointless. So if I do anything to change my life, it's going to make me look like the bad guy. But I assume thats the price to pay sometimes when it comes to having kids to think of.
Question: I can't even socialize on the internet with people of the opposite sex though or he'll act like I'm the one trying to cheat. Even though I hide nothing and do nothing flirtatious.
Could this be him being genuinely jealous or looking for a window of opportunity to get mad and leave, you think?
>>16483608
that no matter what you try you will always ALWAYS bring up their cheating anytime they hurt you or act like an asshole again, believe me. when you find out, even if you stay, its not a relationship anymore. You hate him/her. You're just covering it up waiting to get out. Deep down you will find this to be the truth as time goes on. So get the fuck out anyway you can.
>>16483911
just leave, i cant even imagine being with someone like this again. And i have been-4 years. it killed me/ will kill me again if i ever get with a guy like that again. Its absolutely disgusting what they will do to you and how they will change you if you stay.
>>16483921
I do hate him, but at the same time I have nothing but love for him even if he's being kind for the moment, I can't help but forget everything and love him again.
>>16483929
7 years already down the road. I don't even know what my favorite song is anymore. I'm not me.
>>16483933
>>16483940
holy shit sister you are me.
Heres the good news, even if you refuse to break up, it will fall apart in some way eventually and naturally. But you might have to lightly prod it in your direction. He won't let go of someone to abuse, remember this. He doesn't think hes abusing you. he doesn't care. You just help him get what he wants. he sees you as a mother figure and because of that he thinks he needs a girlfriend- hence the cheating. If you keep forgiving you just cement this role in his head. If you EVER get the chance to leave- be it hes evicted or loses his job or anything. TAKE IT. My abuser's mother is psycho and is forcing him to move back and cut contact with me when lease ends, so i'm lucky. BUT If i allowed him to see me despite that I would be dooming myself to further years of turmoil and I would never know true love from any real man. When i said earlier you have to prod the situation lightly to go in your direction- it means if you have the SLIGHEST chance of changing events so you continue to see him, you do not take it. In my case i refuse contact the second the lease ends. I dont need him or his crazy mom anymore. If i allowed even a moment of him seeing me after that, it would become a pattern of seeing him. And i'd never have that chance to be happy and free again. It might hurt, but girl itll be worth the pain in the end when you dont have to deal with this BULLSHIT every FUCKING day.
>>16484037
Wow, this is definitely information new to me that I have thought of a long time ago, when I had more confidence, but I'm so lucky to hear it come back to me again. I don't think with my state of mind right now I wouldn't have thought I was able to do such a thing.
>>16484037
>He doesn't think hes abusing you. he doesn't care. You just help him get what he wants. he sees you as a mother figure and because of that he thinks he needs a girlfriend- hence the cheating.
Never thought of it like this but makes complete sense. Don't know how I missed it. We used to have a crazy sex life. Something changed I guess. Maybe we both did.
> If i allowed even a moment of him seeing me after that, it would become a pattern of seeing him. And i'd never have that chance to be happy and free again. It might hurt, but girl itll be worth the pain in the end when you dont have to deal with this BULLSHIT every FUCKING day.
It's a vicious cycle. Forgiving and having a good time and then not a day later its back to old ways.
