Newlywed issues
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I've been married for a little over a year now and I think I am starting to have regrets about my marriage. All my wife seems to do is put me down. She constantly gets mad at me for cracking a joke or not doing something the exact picture perfect way she wants it. She never laughs with me. It becomes difficult to talk to her because she always has to argue everything I say. If I say the sky is blue, she would argue to the fucking grave that it is green. It seems like everything I do pisses her off, and if I make the tiniest mistake it ruins the rest of the fucking day. I have to be perfect 24/7 and it's so fucking hard. I came home ten minutes late the other night and she gave me the silent treatment for an hour. I need help guys.
I don't want a divorce, everyone in my family has been divorced and I don't want to be like them. I love her, I really do. The sex is great and we have it all the time, and when we do get along it's like we've been best friends since birth. But god dammit, she makes me so frustrated sometimes I feel like I could go insane. She stresses the hell out of me with this expectation of perfect. And I can't talk to her about how I feel, because she immediately takes offense and then I end up having to console HER. I don't want our relationship to end but if something doesn't change I'll either go nuts or have to call it quits... Please help me.
>tl;dr my new wife is hard to get along with
so you participate in a completely outdated ceremony that serve no purpose other than vanity (cause i doubt you two are having kids anytime soon) then you wonder why shes being so vain. gee im not sure what could be the problem here with this one
Next time she pisses you off, just leave the house immediately.
Leaving is a good way to tell people you're done with their shit. Just take the car, and drive off.
>>16475107
Maybe you gotta talk to her in a rational way. If you truly were this 'best friend' kinda deal before you got married, sit down with her and actually tell her what is bothering you.
She will likely defend herself and it'll frustrate you but long term relationships come with this kind of mediation. It's always smart to reaffirm yourself before doing anything drastic or seek advice from someone you know is wise on the subject.
You just gotta mediate your problems and come to understandings when you hit that wall of stubbornness.
>>16475130
>Maybe you gotta talk to her in a rational way
Does her behaviour seem rational to you?
>>16475121
>serves no other purpose than vanity
>marital tax deduction
>able to file taxes jointly
>leave benefits from work
>etc
I know you neckbeards like to pretend that being married is only for us sheep and theres no actual benefit, but I'm afraid that you are sadly misinformed.
Was she always like this or did she change? If she was always like this, why did you marry her? If she changed, did it correlate with anything else going on in her life (like she found out she has diabetes or she had to quit her job or her best friend moved away, anything stressful like that)?
>>16475141
That's irrelevant to what I said. If she refuses to even talk about how she is making you feel, she's an abusive woman and that's a major red flag.
Honestly, the taking offense when challenged on any issue seems like some nasty control and abusive behavior. But you could attribute it to just emotional baggage, and it could be worked out.
>>16475130
>>16475141
Problem is too, growing up she had total control over her house. her brothers were just quiet nerds who never said anything other than "hello" and "pass the salt" and her dad is the same way. As for her mom, shes this woman who was way too friendly with her daughter instead of being a mother. She let us drink and fuck whenever we wanted, and I even lived with them for a short while which was fun in highschool, but now i kinda wish we had that sort of seperation and had to sneak around. It mightve helped.
>>16475121
Are you trying to help OP or what? Come back when your non-legal life partner falls ill and you can't make medical decisions that you *know* they'd want, watch their family make stupid decisions, and tell us how marriage serves no purpose other than vanity.
>>16475107
See if she's open to marriage counseling. >>16475130 is right, mediating can help, and having an outside perspective from someone who's trained in relationship counseling can help even more. If she's reluctant to go, tell her how much you're hurting from what's going on and you just want to fix your relationship, no blame assigned. And try to mean it, even if you know she's doing shitty things to you. I don't mean that you shouldn't hold her responsible for what she says and does, you should definitely do that, but just try not to get into a finger pointing session because it just doesn't help. It's a fine distinction to make.
If she seems like she doesn't care enough about your feelings to even try counseling, or if she's too scared of her own issues being revealed in the counselor's office (which is a possibility - people can and do go into marriages with huge amounts of hidden baggage and it's pretty much always a bomb waiting to go off), then well...I guess you have your answer.
Good luck OP.
>>16475153
Oh, no, I'm not OP. I wanted to convey that if OP's story is straight, he might not be able to have a rational conversation with her.
>>16475152
She was always kind of like this, but only in situations of high stress. We are about to graduate college (yes I know we're young) and her being an actress is in three different shows right now and constantly auditioning for more, so I think she might just have a lot on her plate. She never treated me like this when we were dating, and she doesn't treat anyone else like it either. On the contrary, shes the sweetest girl youll ever meet. But shes so comfortable with me it's like she thinks ill just take it all without question.
>>16475149
Yeah, but when she decideds to kek you say goodbye to half your shit and say hello to alimony. But that never fucking happens, huh? That's practically unheard of.
But what do I know, it's not like half of marriages end up in divorce, surely I am just a neckbeard.
>>16475162
but I want to know her issues. I want her to TELL me these things instead of hiding them from me and treating me like shit. I used to long my whole day to see her, now I almost dread it. and that worries me.
>>16475172
>We are about to graduate college
>Already married
>To an actress
Gee, I wonder how that's going to end.
>>16475185
thats actually a bullshit statistic, and a five second google search would prove that.
>>16475189
Assuming you're the same fag from >>16475185
>>16475121
>>16475172
It's easy for people to take out their stress and blow up on their husband or wife. It's awful that this happens but it means she is too comfortable with you in a way, and thinks (maybe subconsciously) it's not a problem to fight with you because you'll always be there.
So again what I'm saying is the best course of action would be to seriously talk with her, maybe with someone mediating the discussion. If she won't talk and gets defensive you're in a tricky spot. She's putting up a wall to you and your relationship will continue to get worse.
Don't take the first defensive response as she's acting against you.
>>16475149
>>16475149
>marital tax deduction
>able to file taxes jointly
but both of those are the same lol.
>leave benefits from work
meh
>I know you neckbeards like to pretend that being married is only for us sheep and theres no actual benefit, but I'm afraid that you are sadly misinformed.
>She stresses the hell out of me with this expectation of perfect. And I can't talk to her about how I feel, because she immediately takes offense and then I end up having to console HER. I don't want our relationship to end but if something doesn't change I'll either go nuts or have to call it quits... Please help me.
seems like those monetary benefits are really trump out all the intrinsic cons
>>16475162
that seems really specific and unlikely
>>16475185
>50% of marriages end in divorce
that statement is from like the fucking 1970's. Do some research before you get all high and mighty you faggot.
>>16475196
Okay faggot, sure.
>>16475203
I'm having marital issues and all I want is advice. If you're going to be a faggot go shitpost on /b/ or something. I don't want to hear about how stupid marriage is, it was my decision and I'm glad I made it, but I'm having a little trouble in paradise. I would appreciate being able to read the other anons logical posts without having to see your retarded anti-marriage spewing all over the thread. Please calm the fuck down or take your shit elsewhere.
>>16475162
WOAH, I get to make decisions when my partner is ill?? WOAH, can't wait to get married.
>>16475203
>but both of those are the same lol.
they're not the same, are you fucking stupid?
>meh
Great response you dweeb.
>seems like those monetary benefits are really trump out all the intrinsic cons
No one ever once said that they did. He's talking about the problems he is facing with his marriage, that's the whole point he's trying to make. he was rebutting your stupid statement of marriage only being for vanity, he wasn't saying that it was perfect. sit down.
>>16475215
>all I want is advice.
its not going to get better. just get the divorce.
>>16475228
You're so wrong it hurts, she's clearly just over worked and over stressed. This isn't a core issue of her character and they can easily mediate their problems with someone else.
>>16475215
>I used to long my whole day to see her, now I almost dread it
>It seems like everything I do pisses her off
>I can't talk to her about how I feel, because she immediately takes offense and then I end up having to console HER
>b-but I'm having just a little trouble in paradise
I don't mean to be a dick to you, I'm actually trying to advice you. The fact is that you don't want my advice, but it is as valid as everyone else's. It's not my fault if you choose to remain with your eyes closed, because on the contrary, I'm actually the one trying to help and you dismiss me because my advice doesn't get along with your pink and beautiful world.
>>16475228
thank you for your brilliantly thought out piece of advice. I should definitely take advice from a faggot with no marriage (and from the looks of it, women in general) experience.
>>16475215>>16475107
Listen, it's hard to find someone who is perfect, if not impossible. You can salvage this, those in this thread who say just divorce probably have never been in a happy one to advise you.
You need to seriously talk with her and tell her how her behavior makes you feel. If she cares for you she won't turn it around, maybe she will the first time but stay strong to your opinion and respect yourself.
You gotta persevere, you married her for a reason and things can go back to her being your best friend.
>>16475247
Read the thread. OP has tried to talk to her to no avail.
>>16475235
your advice would be taken seriously if it wasnt presented in such a retarded way. you are just so quick to shit on marriage and the only facts you have to back it up are pathetic ones from 1970 that arent even true. youre not going to convince anyone that your opinion holds any validation when you just scream out "hurr durr marriage sux lol!" You need to present things in a better way. he might listen if your facts sounded like they held any credibility whatsoever.
>>16475247
thank you, anon. thats what i was looking for.
>>16475249
I just reread it seeing if I missed a thing. It seems she's just defensive and your response is entirely irrelevant to what I said.
>>16475253
>You need to seriously talk with her and tell her how her behavior makes you feel
OP has tried to talk to her to no avail.
>your response is entirely irrelevant to what I said.
Reading comprehension much?
>>16475244
>All my wife seems to do is put me down. She constantly gets mad at me for cracking a joke or not doing something the exact picture perfect way she wants it. She never laughs with me. It becomes difficult to talk to her because she always has to argue everything I say. If I say the sky is blue, she would argue to the fucking grave that it is green. It seems like everything I do pisses her off, and if I make the tiniest mistake it ruins the rest of the fucking day. I have to be perfect 24/7 and it's so fucking hard. I came home ten minutes late the other night and she gave me the silent treatment for an hour.
so your wife, who is at least age 18, is doing what is tantamount to stereotypical middle/high school mean girl behavior. and you, a man, who is at least 18, doesnt know how to deal with this? youve never experience basic power plays? youve never put a woman in her place? you married this person not knowing the cons of the person youre marrying? you were able to be deceived long enough for this person to unload all this on you at once? you didnt think to prompt the negative behaviors of your partner to see what you could potentially have to be dealing with? you have an austistic understanding on human behavior and there motivations. enjoy your divorce fuckhead
>>16475253
i've tried to talk to her, yes, but only rarely because i usually just feel like she'll turn it around on me and i just give up. but Ill give it a real try tonight. thank you anon.
I grew up in an extremely emotionally and mentally abuse home. Those are major red flags for abuse. Trust me you don't want to go down this road OP. I wont show you a picture of me but it's not pretty. I can't stress this enough. DO NOT PROCEED
>>16475253
Here, idiot. Taken from the OP:
>>16475107
And I can't talk to her about how I feel, because she immediately takes offense and then I end up having to console HER.
>>16475107
confront her about her behaviour.
Sit her down and tell us the same thing you told us.
She'll most likely shift the blame to you somehow.
Explain that everyone isn't perfect and that you'll do what you want from now on.
If she doesn't like it, the ball is in her court, but you aren't initiating divorce.
Start going out more.
If what op is saying is true you need to realize your not dealing with a rational woman. She has all making of a future if not allready full blown narcissist. Just me dont go down this road op. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. You think it's bad that shes trying to change the reality of situations (She causes a fight then makes you feel guilty about it) just wait till she does that with the police involved. You'll be the one going to jail and your life will be ruined. You will have no were to turn.
>>16475274
NO! THAT'S NOT TRUE, MARRIAGE IS AWESOME AND EVERYONE SAYING OTHERWISE MUST BE A NECKBEARD. MY WIFE IS A UNICORN AND SHE WOULDN'T DO THAT TO ME EVEN IF THE EVIDENCE AT HAND POINTS THAT WAY. YOUNG MARRIAGES NEVER FAIL.
lol
>>16475274
This.
Just cut your fucking losses OP. And dont be a in a fucking rush to marry next time dude.
>Hurr durr, I dont want to be the guy who gets a divorce
Fucking fool, this woman will never change. NEVER.
Leave her. Don't divorce. Just leave. Tell her you need some space and what she's doing to you and go stay at a friend's place for a while. That'll give her some time to think about your needs too and then, you can come back and talk with her about your feelings. If she keeps doing what she's doing, either see counciling or call it quits
>>16475107
You need to get the power back in the relationship. If you start treating her coldly that's going to get her attention. She gives you the silent treatment than you act like you don't give a fuck. She bitches you out about something small, make her feel like a jerk Andy storm out. She will start to get the point and then straighten her attitude out. If she's it as a threat that you might leave her, she may start to change.
