Hey ya'll.
I'm curious if anybody here has had any experience with dating in another country/adhering to their rules/social customs/etc.
Context: I live in Japan. I speak pretty okay Japanese (in comparison to other expats, which doesn't say much I guess). Well enough to be conversational and if I don't understand a word, can understand the explanation in Japanese.
I've tried my hand at dating several times but can never really get it right. Either guys are too into me (talking about marriage and how my 'existence' is 'angelic', which I imagine they're completing basing their attraction to me on my looks) or they act really interested, but once they figure out I'm not gonna fuck them for a while, they fuck off.
Adhering to Japanese dating customs is so hard as so much of it is just unspoken. I've kind of stopped dating around and sort of focused inward on myself but I still think about it from time to time.
Does anyone have any experience or advice?
23/m/aus
I had a go with a Vietnamese girl when I was in Vietnam. Asian people are weird about westerners. I can't imagine it's any better in Japan.
Try going with a guy who can show you about. Have fun. You will be fetishized somewhat, but that's ok and they really do as through it later if everything works out.
Treat it like you are getting to know a country on a deeper level. Be honest that you don't know what's ok or normal. Encourage them to teach you.
It's win win. Either you have a meaningful relationship or you have shitloads of fun
>>17237164
Hey, thanks for the response.
Yeah, the fetishization is something I have a lot of experience with. I should have mentioned I've been here a year and two years ago I spent 10 months studying here. Part of my degree is in Japanese culture and language.
I know a lot about Japan already so when I treat it as getting to know the country on a deeper level its kind of difficult. Either they expect me to know everything and I don't or they treat me like I know nothing and I get a little frustrated because obviously I'm not fresh off the plane.
I'm in this weird intermediete foreigner stage. I am neither a beginner or an expert.
If I ever get back into dating though I'll definitely try to be less serious.
>>17237169
I've been an 'expat' for nearly two decades of my life (which is pretty much most of it) and honestly, you really just have to accept being an outsider. No matter how long you've lived there or well-read you are, you'll always be an 'other'. It's annoying and alienating, but it is what it is.
>>17237176
Yeah, that kind of became obvious to me even as I was doing my two semesters abroad.
I guess I'm just asking for experiences or advice navigating that fact. I'm not expecting to be treated like I'm Japanese (LOL what a joke that is anyways).
I've always had this feeling like maybe guys in Japan have it a bit easier with the dating thing but maybe I just have a chip on my shoulder.
>>17237145
For foreign males it's easy to find a girl, but the opposite happens with foreign females.
Are you able to reach Roppongi?
28m Swe.
When i was 24 i was getting tired of being a virgin neckbeard, and then i met this american landwhale girl from Vest Virginia on omegle. I managed to talk her into coming to D.C. for a week. She was only 19 and lied to her parents she was going to stay at a friend's place during springbreak.
In reality she was going to stay in an apartment i rented through Air BnB.
So, we got drunk and had sex and yeah, that was basically it. Fun times.
It's the first and only time i've been abroad on my own, and it was my first visit to america, pretty cool.
The only culture shock i experienced was when i was trying to buy liquor on my swedish drivings licence, and the guy at the counter looked at my social security number and concluded "Oh, so you were born 1934, that's not the worst i've seen".
I also got surprised that this girl got carded on a restaurant, even though she's old enough to go to war for her country.
>>17237145
You will never, ever fully assimilate into Japanese society. Never. The best you can do is to date an expat.
>>17237181
I got ocassionally to Tokyo, but not really that often. I'm closest to Nagoya but will be moving to Osaka next year.
>>17237208
LOLOL
I never said I wanted to assimilate. Anyways, most expat guys I know are exclusively interested in dating Japanese girls. Plus... A lot of guys who come here, to put it nicely, are not guys I would date.
As someone who's lived in Korea for like 10+ish years and nip land for ~3 I can tell you that asian men are horn dogs. More so than American males anyways.
What the other people posted is more or less right and really you're either gonna have to settle and accept your status as an alien or leave. There's a good reason why expats usually hangout and band together alot and have support groups.
With all of that said you should try figuring out what you want from a relationship first. If it's just emotional support and companionship there are other ways.
I mean after all a romantic relationship is more often than not based on sexual attraction.
>>17237145
Got a lot of Japanese friends and basically unless they've travelled and got a bit of world experience, they don't really think of you as "human" You're just a weird novelty to them, especially as a foreign female. Japan is a crazy xenophobic as you probably well know.
Just out of interest, where are you originally from?
