I'm having troubles with my fiance's past - she's the type of girl who thinks promiscuity isn't a bad thing, and has had around 9 sexual partners, whereas I've had just two (including her) - I know a lot of people are going to just say "it's the past let it go" or "so what sex doesn't matter" but it does to me, and I've tried to think these things, but it keeps bugging me, and it keeps pulling me away from her.
I think about it like this - if someone had been married 9 times, I would think "gee, our marriage means little - how am I to trust this will be different (even when I believe the ways she says it is) - how am I to believe that I can connect to her and be close to her in a way others haven't (again even when I believe the ways she says I have) - or, you know, how can I believe when she says she loves me, and all that - or how am I to deal with when she brings up her exes, and talks about the way she lived" - so why isn't it the same with sex - when we say that none of any of this stuff matters, it becomes impossible to connect - nothing means anything anymore, and it becomes hard to buy-in to statements that people make in regards to the way they find themselves relating to each other.
Help?
As you say, she's not the only one you've been with either. How do you reconcile that without hypocrisy?
You're right OP, people who don't get it right the first time are basically worthless and less than human. Practice and experience are made up words.
>>17233545
>>17233553
Nice samefag you've got going there, but even though I know you're not reading into the story, but instead flustered for whatever reason I'm still going to spell it out to you - There is a fundamental disconnect happening when one partner views sex as an amusing recreation, and the other as a sacred and commitment action - it's not about "getting it right" it's about your whole attitude towards it - she has stated promiscuity doesn't bother her as a human trait - and that some of the people she slept with were people that were close to casual encounters or people that she was trying to help with sex.
But, again, I don't expect you to look into what I'm saying at all and trying to understand where I'm coming from with that shitty set of responses.
This isnt the place to make yourself feel better.
>>17233553
>>17233545
Not samefag
I fucked up - the counter had yet to load
>>17233559
Sounds like she needs a more mature partner.
>>17233545
Just to be clear
back to the marriage example
if one person had a marriage that lasted for, lets say, 15 years, and fell apart - it would show that that person was committed, and presumably working at it - and was a person who didn't take it lightly.
However, if in that same time, another person had had 20 sexual partners - this too says something about how they took it, what commitment means to them, and the like.
Not all experiences are equivocal - there's a lot more to be discussed rather than taking things at an abstract logically level
>>17233577
if by "mature" we mean someone with the most updated list of Western-feminist values - then perhaps you're right.
>>17233577
Since when are promiscuity and maturity become interchangeable?
Look OP just talk to her about it otherwise you will feel this way forever and let it tear you two apart.
So where do you draw the line? 2 is fine, but 9 is too many? What's the magic number? How many partners am I permitted in my lifetime?
>>17233578
Sex isn't a large commitment you have to prepare for and invest money into.
>>17233617
You're right - It's just a large commitment that you have to invest your mental, physical, and physiological health (including that of your potential future offspring) to.
Nice point
>>17233603
Please don't just meme it up
Read the other posts - its an attitude that goes along with the number.
>>17233625
Are you under the impression that people only have sex as to make babies? As in that's the entire drive behind it, not pleasure?
Sounds like you two aren't compatible. Don't stress over it, understand that two random people won't be compatible all the time, if anything MOST people won't be compatible with you. Just use her for sex, try to detach yourself from her. Sadly for some weird reason she's already your fiance, why would you do this ? It's obvious she's not going to suddenly change her mind. So either you don't marry her, get another girl with your same mindset or just suck it up and marry a girl who doesn't see sex the way you do
>>17233637
Are you under the impression that sex does not deal directly with chemical changes in your brain, physiological changes to your body (such as women's bodies changed by sperm and the influence past mates have upon offspring) and the physical changes that take place (wider hips etc etc)?
Was there some breakthrough that shot down imprinting and chemical bonding?
Considering you had sex with other people before her as well, it just simply means she's the same as you, just female and females easily get more action. If the roles were reversed, you'd have the same count probably.
>>17233639
Not really what I'm about - I suggest you read the posts dude.
>>17233665
Yes that is really what you are about. Read your own post and learn to properly use em dashes.
NO U GUYS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO JUDGE HER NOT ME!!!
>>17233654
[citation needed]
You are a classic case of I-asked-for-advice-on-something-I've-already-decided-on so why bother? You've clearly already made up your mind
