>she comes home four months later with new bf
>we meet at a party, end up alone in front of her house, she tells me she still loves me, I tell her I can't have anything to do with her
>two months later she's broken up with new bf, reaches out two weeks later
>I go over to her house to talk, fuck and whole thing starts over again
>I sleep with other women in between meeting her
>three months later she finds out I'm seeing someone, so she starts dating another guy from work
>eventually don't want to fuck any more, I tell her off for making things hard, we fall out
>she moves abroad two weeks later
>I continue to date the other woman for two months
>write her to just level things out, and we're both fine, she's got a new bf in Asia, and I mostly don't care
>continue no contact for five weeks, but she likes a lot of my social media photos in that time
>writes me two days ago and asks how I'm doing, and if I can send her photos from surgery I'm having on my leg in two days wtf

Why is this still going on? We live half way around the planet from each other, and aren't we a bit too old for this shit? Out bf/gf-relationship ended three god damn years ago.

>inb4 she's using me for attention and emotional needs

Do you believe that some people just belong to each other, /adv?

You both need to get your shit together and just marry one another already.

I don't want to think about how many stds you both have. Along with all the people you fucked.

>>17226310
>Why is this still going on?
Because you let it. Block and cut contact if you want out, if not then you're responsible as well.

I know I'm responsible as well. I don't want to block her, because whenever I've done that, there's drama and resentment, and we got a lot of friends in common, +100 on fb alone. She just started following me Instagram with her new business profile, which is strange since she already follows it with her private one.

I'm completely aware the fact that it's my own fault it didn't just end completely several years ago, since I was doing a lot of the right things to 'get her back'
I can't help myself from fantasising about us ending up together, and ever since we met the sex has gotten increasingly better and better all the time. And she's become a increasingly more interesting person as well. Our interests melt together more and more. It might be toxic the way it has been, but only because her anxiety to just open about the fact that we are each other's number one. We both agree to polyamory, and I know how unpopular and killyourselfyouscum.jpg that is on /adv, but even if she wanted to be official, I wouldn't want to stop exploring my sexuality with other women.

And I can easily cope with pulling out of relationships with other women, but she will always be present with me. I think about her every single day.

>>17226322
I test myself regularly and choose to sleep with quality women. In my 14 years of sexual experience, I've never had an std. I'm pretty sure she's even more careful with her 'body temple' than I am, so she's being careful as well.

>>17226307
>>17226310
Both of you seem like shit people who say you love each other and then go on fucking other people on the side and say you can't be together but continue fucking and telling each other you love each other anyway

Break it off and stop fueling it. She doesn't know what she wants but as long as you two kind of stay in contact and fuck casually whenever you get the chance she'll never be free of you

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>>17226307
You two are fucking degenerates with no sense of dignity.
>Why is she still texting me?
You let her do it, you cuck.

>>17226366
Our lifestyles are what makes a proper relationship inpossible, not our bond and devotion whenever we're together. I don't see how that makes us shit people. I'm honest with the women I date about not wanting any exclusive relationships, and I'm the opposite of some possessive asshole who gets angry over interaction between other guys and the women I sleep with. I'm not insecure about the women in my life, because I know I provide value to the time they spend with me.

And as for her being free of me, she's the one that has broken no contact most of the time. I want her, so why should I just ignore her when I know I'm strong enough not to get hurt myself? If I ignore her she'll be hurt.

>>17226344
Did you have a question then or just venting? It's still going on because you still want it to go on.

>>17226389
1. Why is she texting me, as in can you see any other reason other than her just want me to fill her need for attention. Take her 'reason' for texting into context.

2. Do you believe some people actually belong to each other, even if their lifestyles make it impossible to have a relationship at the time being. Who knows where she'll be in five years - and should I cut contact until that time, or nurture our bond until we can be together.

Her request to get a photo from a surgery seems like something people asks for when they're in regular contact, not something people asks for out of the blue after months of not seeing each other, and only briefly exchanged superficial updates several weeks ago.

So I guess, my most relevant question is whether I should write to her whenever and in a casual manner, just like when we talked every day, or if I should put up some fake distant and cold ex boyfriend wall with short texts, even though the truth is I will always love her and I would forever feel trapped if I ever had children with anyone else.

>>17226424
Bump

>>17226424
Sounds like you're both codependent. Neither are able to commit to the relationship or fully break away from it.

What are you trying to achieve now? Do you believe a distant cold approach will help you continue talking to her? Or are you trying to get her to go no contact?

She might just be a mess and feel conflicted, like you seem to be. Stuck in some grey area where she doesn't want to be with you but doesn't want to lose you.

Also are you sure you both agree to polyamory? It sounds more like she cheated repeatedly which is why you can't really be together, and you SETTLED for polyamory because it was the best you'd get from her.

>>17226680
>Neither are able to commit to the relationship or fully break away from it.
Neither are trying.

>What are you trying to achieve now? Do you believe a distant cold approach will help you continue talking to her? Or are you trying to get her to go no contact?
It's more a question what I want to achieve later. Right now I'm quite content with forgetting her for a while and focusing on my life here. It's not like I can do much for her when she's 5000 miles away. But I'm not settled on losing her forever, and at the same time I'm not in a rush to get her back. I just can't imagine meeting her without romance and reciprocated sexual interest blossoms again - because it always does, no matter what happens in between.

>She might just be a mess and feel conflicted, like you seem to be.
Knowing her, she actually seem more confident and content for each year that passes. But you're right about not wanting to lose me/not wanting to be with me. I think we both know deep inside that it's a question of time. We're both quite spiritual, and we trust that what we got is real, even though we have to walk different paths.

>you SETTLED for polyamory
Actually, when we first met I was already seeing someone else. long distance. I broke up with the woman in question because I wanted to see where things were going with the other girl. The other girl didn't want to share me, so I went with the one that didn't mind. After a short while SHE was the one that asked for exclusivity and I settled for that - which I shouldn't have, since she never actually trusted that I would be, and foolishly went ahead and continued a sexual relationship with a guy she started sleeping with before we became official. I wanted an open relationship from the get go, but I have only in the past two years been sleeping with other women since becoming official. I recently lost a wonderful woman, because I didn't want to promise her anything - and this happened after my ex moved, so not because of her.

Anyone else?

Forgot to mention

When she texted me she asked if I had stopped using crutches (I had an accident earlier this spring) - well, she phrased it 'are the crutches done and burnt to death?' - which I though was a bit off, desu. And then she followed up with a yellow heart emoji, which also feels off, because I commented on something on her fb in April (it was the one year anniversary of a natural disaster she was in the middle of,) and on each and every other comment on that post she replied with a normal red heart, but to my comment she replied with a yellow one. Just strange...

But what's stranger is that she already knew I was still on crutches, because I posted a photo a friend took of me at an art museum, and she reacted to the photo with the new 'love'-reaction (instead of 'like'). This was the day before she wrote me and asked.

I've already told her ages ago she should feel free to write me whenever she feels like it, and it's not like her to not be honest and just tell me she felt like writing. The crutches thing is stupid, and more so when she already knew I was still on them, and when I told her I'm having surgery on Wednesday, and she continued to ask for a photo, it's just weird. She also followed up with 'or would that be gross?' And I told her peephole-sized cut and screwdrive right out. And asked to be sure if she meant that she wanted a photo from the actual surgery, and she replied with 'do I?'

I just wrote 'haha'
What sort of behaviour is she pulling? Is it a weak moment, or is she just insecure? She knows me more intimately than anyone...

>inb4 I'm overthinking
I just want some perspective, and I will only be making this thread once, I assure you.

How do you go about living your life like this?

>>17227575
Do you mean in a good way or a bad?

I'm on sick leave. Crutches. Surgery on Wednesday. All I got is time.

Please specify. Do you mean the poly thing, or the neverending love thing? Or Are you just annoyed at anyone who write extensively?

>>17226307
It sounds like you're more like fuckbuddies. If it were me, I wouldn't expect a healthy relationship out of that, maybe when you're older and feel like you have no options yet. My cynical mind assumes that's why she keeps contacting you, as a backup lay for whenever she's in town and it's convenient for her. If/when she ever moves to the same city as you she might want something more serious if she hasn't settled down with anyone else by then. But is that what you really want?

If you want to find closure on this that's the question you'll have do ask yourself. What do you really want? The answer is probably right in front of you.

Dude you're 31 stop acting like a child

>>17227753
The fuckbuddy thing is sort of right. I prefer the term 'lover', since I've connected with her on a pretty darn deep level. But fuckbuddy is basically how we've treated it ever since she broke up with the guy last year.

We've broken things off at least six times since we first met, and I think I got all the closure I need for a lifetime already. Ever since I went over to her house last October I've not been hung up on any need for it to continue, it just happens naturally. If she's busy I don't try to force anything, but if she returns, or we both decide to move to the capital city, which we've both been thinking about for several years independantly, there's no reason to think we won't find each other again. But it'd like to point out that this isn't something I'm working towards. I'm plenty happy with the thought of meeting someone else who'll mean even more to me than she does.

But as it is, she's the person who means the most to me in this life, I'm just quite zen about it and don't need her physically present at the moment. I can meet her this year, or five, ten years from now, it won't matter. But I'll always love her. Mind, body and soul.

I got my own shit to work on, I can't just leave everything behind just to be with her - and that's been her issue with me ever since she moved abroad back in 2013.

>>17227800
I like to think of it as youthful energy.
I'm not cut from the same wood as people who chase careers, buys the car and condo, and are looking for someone to settle down and have kids with.

But yeah, I see your point. It's in my OP. This is why I find it extremely weird that she can't just reach out in an open and honest way, instead of asking me about crutches and surgery selfies.

>>17227839
Because you two are literally stuck in high school where you can't be real you're just as bad not dropping her and leaving her alone what is wrong with you people

OP, I'm still confused. You started out posting how she cheated on you, you were trying to cut her off and asking why she's even still texting you. Then you go on to say you belong to each other, you are endgame, and you agreed to polyamory.

It is hard for us to help you because those seem like opposite things. The information you added to clear things up doesn't help. You're asking /adv/ to read her mind based on it, and what you should do. We can't read her mind, and the sane option is move on because whatever you have sounds toxic. If you want to make it work and/or keep it on standby, you'll have to figure out how to.

>>17227863
And what's the alternative? Get married? Never turn to look at another woman? Or never talk to her again, even though I got nothing short of unending patience and love for her? Or promise myself to someone 5000 miles away who gets all the attention she needs and more?

I'm a man in my prime, dude. Getting with women has never been easier. But do I want to cut her out just because I want to fuck other women? No.

As I said, I'm not cut from the same wood. I'm an artist by profession. I choose to live life differently.

As for communication, I agree though. I don't know what game she's playing, but I'm guessing she's ended things with her island bf and felt lonely for a moment.

>>17227929
Men are in their prime from 25-29, you're on the decline.
Making decisions and sticking to them is not boring and being real to what you say isn't about living an ordinary life either.
You need to tell it like it is and stop bullshitting yourself and her, you can tell her want you want but don't say one thing and mean another.
Nobody is asking you to settle, you just to to say what you mean and act accordingly what she is doing is the same as you are doing.
Also stop pretending like this is some special super duper love thing, you guys are just impulsive kids in the bodies of adults and you have about as much control over your actions as kids do.

>>17227864
Yeah, sorry about that, I'll clarify:

Prologue:
>met in summer 2010
>I tell her no good time to fall in love because I got another girl waiting to return (unofficial long distance crush)
>she falls in live nonetheless
>we continue to fuck after short break
>long distance girl returns and I have to break up with woman in question in order to see where things are going with the other one
>she gets her heart broken for the first time, and has in the past year realised that this is the reason she did what she did the first year we were together:

>still single, long distance girl ebbs out
>summer fling starts sleeping with classmate
>she returns home for holidays
>we hookup, spend days in bed together
>both fall in love
>I tell her open relationship, as she's studying abroad and I'm not into exclusive LDR
>she returns for my birthday one month later and asks for monogamy
>I go full beta and agree
>comes to visit me again
>I go to visit her
>she rekindles with the classmate behind my back, because they got close helping each other with school
>I find out through social media photos of them
>I let her get away with it, because 'I wasn't there for her' - which was kind if true
>she stays home for three months, living in my flat
>moves back abroad to work
>I visit her a couple of months later
>she admits to have slept with the dude again, and I tell her to choose
>she choose me
>she moves back home a few days after I leave
>I sense something's up, tell her that I know she's been with him again after I left, and she breaks down in full panic attack and admits it
>we live together for 15 months
>she moves abroad again and breaks up after three months
>it'll be another 7 months before she sleeps with anyone else
>when finding out I go straight over to a very young woman and eat her out
>no exclusivity has ever been asked for by either party since. This was at the end of 2013.

Cont.

>>17226307
Haha oh wow another Scandinavian going after Asians you're a fucking caricature

>>17227864
I guess I 'want' to keep it on standby, but I don't want to be trapped and hooked on her, which I haven't gone into, but has done a number on me in recent years, for sure. I'm all the better now. If I open up to daily or weekly contact, the distance will weaken me to the point where I can't focus on anything else but her. But I still don't want to end things in such a way that I'll lose the opportunity to be with her for decades later on, should I be so lucky in the future.

>>17227974
>Men are in their prime from 25-29, you're on the decline.
You should know better. Prime is 30s and lower 40s my friend. That's when all the hard work you put in in your 20s pay off.

But you're pretty much right in most of your post, save for one thing. I only act on impulse when I'm actively seeking out the consequences, and I don't dive head first without considering my ability to land on both feet.

>but don't say one thing and mean another
I'm always honest with her. She knows I'm all in whenever she's ready, but I'm done being her doormat. That got old real fast the year we were living together and she had the panic attacks, and I never got to bring up what she had done the year before, and how I felt about it.

>>17228039
She's not Asian you nitwit. She's backpacking in Asia.

you can't commit
she can't commit
you can't leave her because you have feelings
yet you can fuck other women while she fucks other men
you don't have relationship with someone who cheated on you
unless you want to get cheated again
holy shit it's like I'm talking to a retard

>>17228116
I told her open relationship from the get go. The only real cheating was when I cheated myself into thinking exclusivity was a good idea. I've since corrected the mistake.

It's fine by me that you think the nobler thing is to give one singular woman the keys to your chastity belt, and have her throw them away when she stops finding anything about you exciting, and resents you for not living life in full, but I'm not going to turn into a grumpy old man who only faintly remembers what pussy tastes like when he hits 50. I'm going to be down with juicy 28 year olds still, no matter what my relationship status says. And if I'm married by then, it'll be to a unconditionally loving wife who'd rather encourage me to chase a bit of tail whenever I got the opportunity, rather than to some bitter hag who won't let me out of her sight.

The main concern is that she's living half way around the globe and I don't know how much contact I should be having with her. It's not a question of whether or not we should stop loving each other. You're confusing this thread with all the how do I get the girl generals on this board.