How do I get over being cheated on?
Years ago my girlfriend cheated on me. She did it in a fairly callous way. Text me for about an hour back and forth, said she was getting ready for bed, in bed, watching some TV, going to sleep. Text me goodnight and that she loved me so much and couldn't wait to see me the next day.
Next day we met up as planned, went for dinner, stayed out drinking, she stayed over at my place, we had sex. Talked and cuddled all night. We'd been dating about 8 months at this point.
Months later I found out that she'd actually been at a house party while she was texting me saying she was getting ready for bed. She didn't tell me she was going to it, that she was invited, she kept the whole thing from me. She sucked a guy's dick and slept with him at said house party, then got up and came to meet me the next day.
Years later, I have a new girlfriend and whenever she goes out without me there I just get the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach, I cant sleep all night.
I don't want to be a controlling cunt. I never check her phone or ask her where she's been, but after what happened last time I honestly don't trust anyone, I think anyone is capable of anything.
How do I go about my life and not give a shit? I genuinely don't want to.
Do NOT project insecurities from the past over the present.
Yeah, I know, easier said than done.
I've been in a similar boat, while trying not to be the stereotypical controlling bf. It's hard, because a lot of times the people we end up don't hold a sign that says 'cheater', and we try to give them the benefit of the doubt.
There's really nothing to be done about it though. Only through time and actions will you be put at ease, one way or another. Anyone is capable of anything, but we want to be with those who would choose not to, who have a moral and sound judgement through their decisions in life. It's something that takes a lot of time to really be able to gauge
>>17219331
Look at it this way:
You do care, because you genuinely want to.. this makes you a good person because you take into consideration her feelings (if you do) and wouldn't hurt her like that. Because you have a bad memory from the past you are afraid of caring, because it might end in betrayal again, but you should still care and feel good about caring because it means you haven't changed for the worse due to the poor relationship experience you had before.
I feel like I have changed for the worst though, as with my ex when she text me goodnight, I would text goodnight and go to sleep and not even give a second's thought to whether she was actually at home in bed, it wouldn't even occur to me.
Now my girlfriend is out visiting her friend in another city and all I can think when she texts me goodnight is "what if she's actually at some party, with some guy" and I feel physically ill, like literally shaking.
I don't think she IS at a party with some guy, because she seems like such a sweet, decent girl, but I thought the same about the previous cunt.
>>17219331
Think about the things that are different between your new gf and your old. Cheating tends to happen in certain situations, like if your gf lies about where she is, and your new gf isn't doing that. You can make sure she isn't lying in a non-controlling way by showing interest in her life and what she does with her time. Pay attention to her feelings and your own feelings. In other words, be an attentive and supportive boyfriend and you're actually much more likely to prevent cheating, and catch her in one if she does lie. Lastly, maybe think about why your ex gf cheated. People don't actually lie and sneak around and give bus for no reason. Was she simply attention seeking? If your current gf is not attention seeking, she's unlikely to behave in the same way. Did your ex have a pattern of lying? Your new gf probably doesn't. Etc.
>>17219331
>not learning from your mistakes and still continues to date girls
you deserve to get cheated on again for not learning the first time.
>>17219736
>gets food poisoning from a bad burger
>eats another burger a month later
Wow are you stupid? Did you not learn your lesson the first time?
Don't listen to this kissless virgin
>>17219331
>How do I get over being cheated on?
Deliberately.
The old fears come back from time to time. I call them aftershocks. The only way to handle them is to shut them the fuck down: tell yourself "No, I refuse to distrust my own girlfriend" and go about your business as best you can. Repeat as often as you have to, even if it essentially becomes a mantra. This can take a while to really work, but in time, it does.
