How do you guys keep your cool in arguments when it's with people you care about in situations you don't want to "just leave"...?
My girl was being rude as fuck tonight. I let it go once, twice, and then I tried to talk to her about it.
>SHIT STORM.
First it's that she's doing nothing wrong and it's my fault for "being amped and angry all night." Then, after admitting what she's doing is destructive and idiotic.... it's then "Please calm down and just talk to me." So I calm down and talk. She responds by interrupting, being condescending, and just basically not changing shit. So I call her on it again and, after realizing how she's acting, it's "Don't be so hard on me." I finally just went the fuck home because I couldn't handle it anymore and then it was "OMG ur leaving u obviously don't want to work it out blah blah blah."
I tell my guy friends this. I ask them how they handle it. I ask married people. I ask my father. They all just say "All women are like this."
Is that really true? How am I supposed to have a healthy relationshit when women act this fucking crazy?
It's like when I try to be constructive and nice, they try to take advantage. When I'm a soulless asshole, I get whatever I want.
i don't want to be a soulless asshole for the rest of my life, but being kind and constructive seems to be synonymous with "beta doormat."
help. please. am I going to be alone the rest of my life?
>>17218199
>I tell my guy friends this. I ask them how they handle it. I ask married people. I ask my father. They all just say "All women are like this."
Uh, no. These people are just putting up with this bullshit for one reason or another. Many of them probably settled or got stuck.
>Is that really true? How am I supposed to have a healthy relationshit when women act this fucking crazy?
If you're consistently going after crazies, and putting your dick there, then the issue is probably with you. There may be something about them that you find attractive.
>>17218199
My girlfriend used to be like that. She's the youngest of 7. I think some girls go through life finding that if they get upset and irrational and intimidate people, the people will eventually apologize to them, validating the outburst.
What I learned to do is remain calm through her bitching and never lose sight of my own point of view.
Some girls are very good at making their version of events seem like the truth or changing the subject.
It is important that you remain firm on your point without stoping to her level. You must listen to what she is saying and acknowledge it without mirroring her energy or backing down.
In order for any of this to work, though, you must always keep a clear and humble head. You must be able to look at your own actions through the lens of another, so that you can truly discern if she is justified in her anger.
>>17218208
You might be right. I'm going to be alone because I'm fucking crazy. God damn it.
>>17218225
>I'm going to be alone because I'm fucking crazy.
No, you're not crazy. But it's easy for people to get caught in relationships with those that have mental problems. They often have really good highs and really bad lows. The highs are what draw people in. But if you can call her out on this behavior, and not apologize for standing up for yourself, you may be able to make things work. Just ignore her when she's acting that way, if you're able to. If things get really bad, then it's probably for the best if you move on.
You need to find the middle ground between beta doormat and argumentative doucher. You have to be calm and confident, firm in your opinions and goals without disrespecting those of others. And don't add energy to an argument. Don't escalate it. Otherwise you end up being one of those screaming low class trash couples everyone despises.
and while there are a few chill standouts who are capable of being rational, generally yes, all women are like that.
>>17218220
>Some girls are very good at making their version of events seem like the truth or changing the subject.
This, oh my god this.
>It is important that you remain firm on your point without stoping to her level. You must listen to what she is saying and acknowledge it without mirroring her energy or backing down.
>In order for any of this to work, though, you must always keep a clear and humble head. You must be able to look at your own actions through the lens of another, so that you can truly discern if she is justified in her anger.
You're right about this. If I keep my cool, keep my frame, don't get angry... it usually ends well.
That is extremely hard for me. I'm very judgmental because I work very hard and I hold other people to my standards. I don't want some do nothing bitch for a girlfriend. I'm practicing patience and calmness..... I just lose it when it's the most petty, trivial shit. When there's no reason to be a fucking bitch and off they go, being a fucking bitch for no reason.
So I try your method - calm, thoughtful, firm....
>You talk to me like I'm a child! I'm not your child! BLAH BLAH BLAH
It makes me want to just leave.
So I usually just leave.
I think it's time to just be single and not stop being single until I get my head right.
Thanks guys.
