Tl;dr my cousin is really annoying, irresponsible, disgusting, and manipulative and after being her best friend for over 20 years I'm sick of it and dont know if or how to cut her off.
Longer: me , my sister, and my cousin spend a ton of time together while growing up and considered ourselves to be best friends. I was always super jealous of my cousin because she was beautiful, smart, and good at a ton of sports and music. As we grew up my sister and I had less time to spend with our cousin. Gradually, the times we did get to see her became more of a chore than a treat. As she got older, the bad traits she showed as a child seemed to become more prominent. She was stubborn, bossy, lazy, irresponsible...it seemed like all the talent and drive she used to have was gone. We still loved her but were less inclined to make time to hang out with her.
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>>17213809
>Tl;dr my cousin is really annoying, irresponsible, disgusting, and manipulative
I didn't read any further.
Stop talking to her. Cut her out of your life. If you have the time to entertain the presence of toxic people then keep pussyfooting around when you need to do.
If you're truly sick of it, drop her like a sack of shit and don't look back.
Anyway, when we were younger we were super into anime and what not so it's been our dream since forever to all go to Japan together. After both my sister and I studied abroad in Japan separately, it was finally my cousins turn. While she was there, tickets to Japan were very cheap, so my sister and I decided to plan a trip there together,and figured we'd visit our cousin while there. I messaged her and told her we were coming, and she took it to mean we'd spend the whole trip together, whcih wasn't really my plan, but I decided to go for it anyway. I knew she was lonely there and ididnt think jt would be that bad.
I was wrong. I'll explain specific events if needed but overall shr made the trip a lot more inconvenient, stressful , and unpleasant. She also showed signs of being manipulative and selfish, for example getting mad at us for not wanting to go get food when our plane home was leaving in 2 hours.my sister and I havr both dealt with abusive people before and it felt suspiciously close to that. On the plane ride home my sister and I decided we needed a nice long break from her, and commiserated about how out childhood role model had become such a terrible person.
We have been home from Japan for about 3 weeks. During that time we haven't texted her or interacted with her on social media. I guess she noticed that we were drifting away from her, because a few ago later she sent us pic related text.
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Last part
I haven't responded yet. I don't feel any positive emotions for her and I'm sick of pretending to like people just because they were once my friend. My sister sees it in an even darker way, that she is trying to keep a manipulative hold on us with this text message. I just wish instead of this "poor me I'm lonely I miss you" text she had offered some kind of apology for the trouble she caused on the trip. If she had taken that route I'd enthusiastically respond but it just seems like yet again she is trying to avoid taking responsibility for her actions and just patch things up with a fluffy text message.
So yeah. I don't know how to handle this. I feel bad for not responding but I don't want to be her friend anymore. I'll be her family and thats it. But im afraid if I send anything back, even just "love you too" she'll go back to being clingy and needy like she was before. But at the same time I feel bad abandoning her. I just dont know.
>>17213810
The thing is she's family. And I know she is going through a rough time (although the rough time has been several years). It feels selfish to leave her I guess.
>>17213820
>The thing is she's family.
Irrelevant. Being related to someone is not a sufficient excuse for inviting toxic people into your life.
You asked what you should do and I told you. Like I said, if you want to continue to entertain this person's abuse and dysfunction then continue along with what you're doing right now.
If you're actually sick of it then get her out of your life immediately. Let her know that if she ever decides to severely alter her behavior and start getting her shit together you'd be more than happy to give her another shot.
That's it. The reason she continues to act like this towards you is because you keep allowing it.
Do what you want but I told you my piece. Any justifications you can come up with for continuing to wade through this woman's bullshit does not change my advice one iota.
>>17213843
That makes sense. I've never really purposefully cut someone out before. It feels like I'm being mean but I guess I just have to get passed that.
bump for more advice
She sounds like a massive bitch who is really spoilt, but I also think you are oversensitive. Be a bitch with her, put her in her place.
>>17214330
I did that briefly on the trip and she shit talked me to my sister.
Long story short she kept asking me to lend her money because she kept being irresponsible with hers, I shouted "no" at her because I was fed up.
Then later on she said to my sister "better not ask Anon to lend you money or she'll freak out"
So yeah I don't think I will be able to put her in her place. She is in denial and thinks that whoever tells her no is the one in the wrong instead of her.
>>17214347
bump
family is just bloodties, friends are those who have the same interests as you and compliments your traits.
cut out that cousin of yours and be free from guilt, send x-mas/b-day cards and make one phonecall a year. nothing else is needed to be done
Okay I feel bad for asking for more when you guys have already answered, but my boyfriend, who is honestly not himself the nicest or most forgiving person, and has expressed extreme distaste for my cousin in the past, said he found it cruel how my sister and i were berating my cousin. he wasn't in japan with us and he also didn't grow up with her so i guess he doesn't understand it fully, but him telling me that he thought we were over reacting (although it was in the context of another argument) was really confusing to me.
>>17214709
You need to stop.
You keep going over these irrelevant details again and again and again and again and it doesn't fucking matter.
If you are tired of her shit, move on.
If you want to continue to put up with her shit then stick around.
If you decide to stick with her around you need to stop complaining about what she does because by making the conscious decision to allow this person in your life you are INVITING CHAOS. PERIOD. I'm not going to repeat myself again because if you haven't gotten the message by now you never will.
So seriously, stop. Stop with the stories, stop with the details, stop with the "but what about this" or "but what about that". Stop. You allow this destructive person in your life and now you must accept the destruction she has caused.
If you want the destruction to stop, you know what you have to do. Thats it, dude. End of thread, end of story, nothing left to talk about.
Ditch her or don't.
