Help, I'm very bad at conveying my emotions or thoughts because of my r9kness and I don't know what to say. Here's the breakdown:
>mother wants a divorce
>my three brothers, my father and I don't want this
>she suspects my father of infidelity, through some sketchy text and facebook messages she's found from the past year
>father said he was just humoring these women that messaged him, that it never led to anything else (which I believe because of anecdotal evidence)
>she won't listen to my father, thinks he's a big liar
>she's coming home very rarely now, probably staying with a friend
I know she'll listen to her children which includes me but I don't know what to say to persuade her to not divorce. I know her mood is very unstable so if I say the wrong thing it'll mean the end of it.
you can't force someone to stay in a relationship, and if they're unhappy breaking it up will probably be the best outcome for everyone
just from reading your post it seems to me like you have an insistence on seeing your father in the best possible light and an inability to see from your mother's perspective. Flirting with women on facebook and through texts is not appropriate, even if he was just "humoring these women" whatever that means. There is also likely deeper problems in the relationship that you don't really get.
Anyway, since you're posting on 4chan that means you're over 18 and should be out of the house regardless, so its not your concern.
>>17210271
have a conversation with yourself as though you were trying to tell a 9 year old kid about the situation
But it's not your relationship. It's not your right to decide this.
By the way, normal people in healthy relationships don't 'humour' people that send flirty messages, she's right to see that as a huge red flag
>>17210291
Thanks for responding. You're right, I am out of the house, about 10 hours away, but I don't want my image of our happy little family to be broken. Maybe it already is though. I do not forgive/condone my father for responding to these women.
I understand that I can't force them to stay in a relationship, but I also know that I have a lot of leverage and that this decision is very emotionally driven... it very well might be something she regrets later. I don't know, basically I understand if she goes through with it but if I can sway her in the other direction I want to.
>>17210346
>I don't want my image of our happy little family to be broken.
So you'd rather be in a family that stays together at the cost of being happy?
>>17210354
No, I want what makes my mother happy... the thing is I don't think getting this divorce will make her happy. Am I wrong to think this?
>>17210364
yes, there's more to this situation than you know
>>17210364
How do you know it won't make her happy? Do you not agree that it would be better for her to be unhappy, but less unhappy than she is now?
>>17210364
no, it's normal to think those kinds of thoughts
Just keep out of this. You're all adults now, so let your parents work it out themselves or don't.
>>17210377
I don't know for sure. I do agree that I would like for her to be less unhappy.
But she would likely have to move out of our house and live alone in some apartment, which is an image in my mind that breaks my heart. Also going through with shit like this is never fun.
I know that what my father did is really really fucking bad, but it's not unforgivable like her abusing her or being an alcoholic right? They're both great parents that have supported me and my siblings throughout life.
>>17210426
I'm starting to get on board with staying out of this, but I also know eventually each of them are going to confide in me about it. What should I do when this happens, "You're adults and can handle this by yourselves" and hang up?
>>17210440
>You're adults and can handle this by yourselves" and hang up?
Yes, that's exactly what you do. It is absolutely horrible of them to come to you for advice. You are an innocent, uninvolved party. It would be highly irresponsible of either of them to try to bring you into this. That's the exact worst case scenario when it comes to divorces that involve children.
You tell them you do not want to be in the middle of this, and you suggest to both of them that they speak to separate therapists and lawyers to get advice.
>>17210440
pretty much. I would never get involved in my parents' relationship drama. There's too many things that can happen. If one or both come to you, they can get hurt and think you're on that parent's side. Just tell them you'll love them no matter what they decide.
>>17210291
>just from reading your post it seems to me like you have an insistence on seeing your father in the best possible light and an inability to see from your mother's perspective.
This. Just reading your posts, you sound like you have no idea what your mother has actually been through, or what your father has done to push herto this point. You're not only being selfish but you're treating your own mother like a child. She can make her own decisions. I highly doubt that this was an easy decision got her to come to. And yet you want to cause her even more emotional turmoil by trying to manipulate her into staying with an eternal cheater (who may or may not have done worse, since you're a very, very unreliable narrator and we can't trust your perspective because of how biased you seem.) There's probably more to this situation than you're able to see.
>>17210484
Eternal should be emotional, fuck.
>>17210271
No way is your mother up and divorcing the father of her three sons after ~18 years of marriage over some Facebook/texting flirting. There is more to this story than you know; your parents aren't telling you something in order to protect you.
