What makes a man?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
About to graduate high school here. Never been too masculine myself, mostly due to genetics and my environment growing up. I understand it's entirely on me to change who I am for the better and as I head into college I've been preparing to do so.
Still, what should us men be working towards? What are some qualities the best of men exhibited, outside of blanket terms like leadership and charisma, or big muscles and immense confidence?
As a side note, do any of you think the view of what constitutes masculinity has changed in recent times?
Is there a modern definition of a man whose qualities differ from what they used to be?
Is it impossible for some males to become "men" by society's standards regardless of what they do?
>>17209712
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HSj-2shbqY
>What are some qualities the best of men exhibited, outside of blanket terms like leadership and charisma, or big muscles and immense confidence?
Are you serious? You would be hard-pressed to fit everything there is to say about a single one of those into a book, let alone a post.
>As a side note, do any of you think the view of what constitutes masculinity has changed in recent times?
No.
>Is there a modern definition of a man whose qualities differ from what they used to be?
No.
>Is it impossible for some males to become "men" by society's standards regardless of what they do?
Depends on the observer's viewpoint. But "yes, impossible" or very close to it for those who are a combination of disabled, poor, and broken emotionally.
>>17209712
P.S. do you know what's on that bar in your picture? If not, you can start there.
extremely long face and autism
What makes a man? Is it the woman in his arms just cause she has big titties? Or is it the way he fights every day? No, it's probably the titties.
>>17209751
2late. I really wish threads like these got more attention though. /adv/ is worthless.
>>17209754
It was worth a try I guess.
>>17209712
A man keeps his word and doesn't take shit from fools. That doesn't mean starting fights, but it does mean speaking your piece and not running from a fight if that's what happens when others don't like what you said. Everything else is a choice (to be stronger, a good husband, better lover, a father, etc).
The first sentence of my response is the core of it.
>>17209790
I think that's a pretty weak definition. "Doesn't take shit from fools" - what if your boss is a fool? Is quitting running from the fight?
Philosophy is useful insofar as you can apply it to real life, and I don't think those statements can be applied.
I would say that "A man has control over his circumstances, or, at the very least, can support himself and his family without constantly resorting to desperate means."
>>17209804
Weak willed pussy detected.
If your boss is a fool, you find another boss. In the meantime, you do odd jobs or manual labor (highway department always needs ditch diggers, distributors always need strong backs).
Also taking shit doesn't mean having a stupid boss necessarily. It means disrespect. If I work for a dipshit, I might tell him why his idea won't work and have an alternative suggestion ready to go. So long as he or she accepts it in the spirit it was intended, no worries.
If, on the other hand, a boss (or anyone else) belittles or mocks you (gives you shit) because they're a shit person who never learned respect, then you fucking put them in their place using whatever means you deem acceptable.
>>17209790
If by first sentence you mean the first part of the first sentence. Rest is okay really but the first part hits the nail on the head.
>A man keeps his word
It means if you say you're going to do something you do it. If you do something you you own it especially if it's a mistake. Responsibility is a big word.
I'm 30 and I fucking hate that I technically get lumped in with millennial shits despite my parents, especially my father, raising me better than half my worthless peers.
>>17209827
>Weak willed pussy detected.
Do you understand the definition of willpower? I will give you a hint - it has nothing to do with making bad choices.
>If your boss is a fool, you find another boss. In the meantime, you do odd jobs or manual labor (highway department always needs ditch diggers, distributors always need strong backs).
You have either never done those jobs (likely this) or are stupid enough to idealize them. If you take a break from a professional career to dig ditches (actually, you generally do roofing in construction, but whatever), you get some raised eyebrows at your next interview. You are also hurting your health instead of learning on the job (ib4 "manual labor makes you stronger").
>If, on the other hand, a boss (or anyone else) belittles or mocks you (gives you shit) because they're a shit person who never learned respect, then you fucking put them in their place using whatever means you deem acceptable.
So, basically get fired.
P.S. I am replying to your post to stimulate discussion, not because you actually said anything of note.
>>17209712
>What makes a man?
Being comfortable with who you are and not requiring the approval of society to feel fulfilled in your personal and professional life.
Being a man is not hurting or belittling others to prove what a man you are, you know, like this guy >>17209827.
Its really apparent these days when men are compensating for feeling inferior or using outward aggression to replace their inability to connect on an intimate level. A lot of the emphasis in our society is put on "respect" and often encourages men to commit acts of violence to preserve this idea of respect.
There are men sitting in prison for the rest of their lives because someone "disrespected" them. The only thing that was in danger in these situations was their pride. Its actually quite sad.
A man sees the bigger picture. A man is not someone who uses their strength or power to destroy those he deems unworthy but someone who knows when to show restraint, empathy and forgiveness.
>>17209847
>It means if you say you're going to do something you do it.
I think we can boil down the excellent advice there to the above.
Though I find myself not promising shit anymore, given how much circumstances changes and how difficult that is in practice, though those can all be considered excuses.
>asking a bunch of beta cucks on a Laotian knitting forum how to be a man
Comedy gold.
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
>>17209712
> Legitimately worried about being "manly"
The three golden aspects that apply to all people are the only things you should worry about:
dependability, confidence, and humility. All else comes second.
>>17209860
I wouldn't necessarily say it's promising things in the literal sense in regards to abstract things but just being consistent and reliable.
For example I told some people at work who needed my help that I would help them at 4:00. I went to the gym but came back to work at 3:50 because I said I'd be there at 4:00. If someone asks something of me and I know I can deliver then I'll give them an answer and follow up.
That's what keeping your word means to me.
>>17209890
Being manly and being a man are not the same thing.
>dependability
Valuable, but a worthless fuck looking for acceptance can be dependable.
>confidence
Cue usual long discussion about what confidence actually is.
>humility
Humility is nice, but definitely not up there in terms of what makes a man. A bum can be humble - this doesn't make him a man.
The main thing is accountability - the willingness to take responsibility for things. The best man is the one who holds himself accountable for the sins of all men, and diligently spends his time in service to humanity.
>>17209903
I think this sentence by you:
>It means if you say you're going to do something you do it.
Is by far the best takeaway there is from this thread and the most useful life advice. But I mean that in the sense of being able to deliver to YOURSELF as well. You say you are going to study 3 hours a day for six months, you fucking do it. Of course, we get into shifting goals, inflexibility that comes with this, but that's another discussion that over-complicates.
In the sense that you mean it - it's very valuable, but I think it's secondary to the first definition.
>>17209908
I don't know anyone who regards this as a desirable quality in a person. People are so shitty. I agree it is something I look for, but I don't think there women who think this way either. This sounds like something that should be a personality desire regardless of gender.
>>17209922
Being a man is not about being desired, or admired, or attractive. A man takes into his own hands what needs to be done, period. You don't need to be a man to attract women, plenty settle for boys. A man is a rare necessity of this Earth.
>>17209938
>A man takes into his own hands what needs to be done, period.
I get what you're saying here but I wanna press the point for some specifics. The way this phrase is written implies that whatever needs to be done is something beneficial or, 'justified,' and just because I like playing devil's advocate, I wanna ask what your opinion shifts to in a different situation. What if what the guy thinks is right isn't (to most), but he's still determined to get it done? Extreme example here, what if he wanted to harm someone who wronged him but he felt he was completely in the right and makes plans to act out violence? Is he still a man to you?
>>17209955
Yes, he is a man. A wrong man, but a man nonetheless. He is more of a man than one who concedes his beliefs after being threatened, or out of cowardice.
Do not assume that being a man is intrinsically good. We are a cancerous species and the perpetual growth of mankind spells disaster for other forms of life. Nevertheless, the man who makes the most of himself is the one who claims responsibility for his own actions, and the wellbeing of others.
>>17209907
If you need to focus on defining confidence u don't understand it and probably never will
Just love yourself above all
Be strong
Help those in need
Do your work and don't bitch about it
There, you are now a man
If you happen to do these things while also having a vagina, you happen to be a bad bitch
a man does what is right, he protects the weak, is mature and responsible
>>17210008
>If you need to focus on defining confidence u don't understand it and probably never will
Nice out.
>Just love yourself above all
>Help those in need
Good luck reconciling the two. You did a good job at nullifying your whole post though.
A man is matured and wizened by a well rounded set of life experiences. He has been in tough situations and overcame them (any kind of depression/anxiety/mental illness does not count, being sad is not a life experience it's probably what caused you to lack it.)
He is confident and can look you in the eye. He dresses well and grooms himself (nothing says beta faggot more than somebody in beaten up cheap sneakers, poorly fitting and frayed pants, a jacket they've had for years and a slightly greasy outgrown hairstyle pic related.
I would say that most of the traits of being a man stems from having life experience. I think that the main reason we have less masculine men these days is because people are pouring all their time and interests into the digital world and as a result are doing fuck all in the land of AFK. most Men are weak, flabby and ill adjusted.
OP if you want to become a man this is my advice; turn off your PC for a week. At first you'll be really bored and feel tempted to log back in, but then you'll start finding shit to do with yourself. By the end you'll probably have the semblance of a life going on and hopefully wont be addicted to the internet any more.
