Internet friend wants to fly to the other end of the continent to meet up "to convince me to give him a chance". I love him. I never showed it. I keep calling him a faggot for showing me affection.
The main problem here is that I think he has deluded himself into thinking that I'm good partner material and not the absolute worst human being. I'm supposedely funny and interesting online but offline the best I can do is give one word answers. The only photo he has (accidentaly) seen of me was at least 10 years old, way before depression ruined my looks in every possible way. Now I'm fat, have horrible skin, acne scars, ruined teeth. I'm incapable of intimacy, opening up, expressing emotions or showing affection. I'm a barely functional 25 khv NEET while he's a non-virgin 8/10 semi-normie with past relationships and a future.
Told him all of the above over the course of our friendship repeatedly but for some reason he refuses to believe it.
I could refuse to meet and try to keep things as they were. Probably wouldn't work and I sort of feel like a catfish and like I'm wronging him somehow.
I could possibly prove how fucked I am and kill his romantic interest but I'm afraid that would make him drop our online interaction altogether completely and it is the only highlight of my day.
I could try to fix myself and then meet. Lost 15kg so far but I feel like losing weight is all I can do and not nearly enough.
I could just meet up but I'm afraid that would be a massive disappointment to him, a massive spaghetti spillage for us both, and a final push to suicide for me.
What should I do?
>>17201602
Hold off on meeting up with him. You seem to care about him and you seem to be attractive enough for him to want to see you in person. If you looked good a few years ago you can look good again. Take a few months to lose weight and work out. Cut your calorie intake, that's really how you lose weight, not by eating a bunch of food and working out a lot.
Change your diet, stop eating shit food, it will help your acne and teeth. I'm guessing you eat a lot of sugary sweet things and such right?
The personality traits are harder to fix but something tells me a lot of those can switch if you regain your self esteem and find someone who loves you.
I hope it works out for you anon.
>>17201602
have you told him all these things, why don't you link him to this thread?
You know, I was once in a similar position to you, but I liked the attention and instead of telling people no I did some very shitty things that I'm not proud of. You might want to read this. Be a stronger person than I was and take a hard line.
>>17201602
>What should I do?
You're near suicide, you're depressed, you're terrified of intimacy, you think he's a faggot, you love him, you hate yourself.
Maybe you should push the brakes on this until your head is less fucked.
>>17201602
the main problem is you are a fucken retard.
sure its his money he is wasting and his time to come and meet you.
you have deluded yourself that this random person is going to hate you on first meeting...
what are you gonna do if he doesnt? didnt even cross ya mind did it?
stop telling yourself that this person is wrong for you, its only a initial meet not a let him give you the d as soon as you see each other...
If you think he's someone who can be on your side, then tell him you need help first before any relationship talk.
I don't think you need to cut off this of someone who clearly cares, and could be leveraged to help you improve . You sound short on people life that in your life
>>17201622
Losing weight is really the easiest part and going pretty well. I've been eating clean for a while and it hasn't helped my acne (and neither has anything else I've ever tried. Age and accutane helped a bit but it's still there and scars will never vanish anyway) or teeth (only a dentist can fix those and I have no money).
But thanks.
>>17201628
I told him nothing but truth all these years, he just refuses to believe it or finds something cute/good about it.
>>17201638
I don't think there's going to be a time when it's just going to be less fucked.
>>17201722
In OP I wrote a huge greentext wall and then deleted it, guess some background information was actually essential.
See, I don't want him to waste his money and time.
I don't know if he'll hate me but he definitely has some fucked up, idyllic expectations. I don't know how it happened but he has a really twisted image of me. He thinks I'm perfect for him. He talks of growing old together. The way he talks about it, it definitely isn't a casual meet with an internet buddy, I actually wouldn't have a problem with meeting him if that was all it is.
I don't think he's wrong for me. If I was more functional we'd be a great match. But I'm not and he has all these expectations that I can't possibly fullfil and I'm just afraid that he'll cut all contact once his dream is crushed.
