Feeling left out
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Hi /adv/, I'm 23 and for the past 12 years or so I've been glued to a computer screen, getting not much social interaction outside school/university. As you'd expect I'm somewhat introverted, better at listening than talking myself, but in the past few months I've been trying to open up and went out to the pub with work people for the first time a few months ago. They usually make a night of it and go places afterwards, but I've only done that once (but enjoyed it).
Despite those recent nights out, I keep feeling like I've missed out on any real chance to get used to it and enjoy things. I have some anxiety problems, not to the point of panic attacks, but enough to keep me a bit tense and quiet until I've had a few drinks. I relax after that, but once people leave the pub and start going into clubs I just feel like a foreigner. I have no idea what to do when I'm there: everyone splits up because they know people locally (either having gone to school with them...
(1/2)
... or knowing them from somewhere else) but I'm not originally from around here so I only know work people.
Is this atmosphere difference something I can get over, or is it just too far a mental bridge to cross at this point? I'm by no means a random hookup sort of person and I can't usually strike up conversations with strangers, so it seems a different world to walk into. I just want to be able to enjoy the time I'm out with friends, most of whom are the going-out type rather than come-over-and-play-vidya or film night friends (at least, not with me).
>tl;dr is it possible to learn to like late nights out after being socially awkward for years?
pic unrelated, it's a photo I took at 5am when I couldn't sleep
>>17198491
Do you drink enough to feel drunk OP? I find I'm not particularly social when I'm sober, but after a few beers it all gets pissed away. But I will agree I don't like late nights or at least not 5am late but if you get drunk you could care less about the time
OP, sounds like you're trying to socialize in the wrong place.
John Rockefeller said "A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship."
It sounds like you want a relationship that's quite personal. Start socializing at work, I think, so that there's an organic reason for people to talk to you. Once they're comfortable with you, then they'll welcome you to their bigger circles.
>>17198559
I usually drink enough to relax, though last time I was quite pissed and made myself slow down even though everyone else was smashed too. I don't like feeling out of control of my body and felt very uncomfortable around drunk people up until a few years ago, so I've never gotten more drunk than having a cheesy grin on my face.
>>17198580
Thanks, you're right about it being stupid to look for personal friendships in those places. I did actually end up bumping into a couple from work last night when I went to the pub (to see what they had on for bank holiday) and that turned into going to an indian place, that was very nice. I just have to kind of let them lead since I'd never have thought to even suggest that.
(1/2 again)
>>17198725
It just seems a bit overblown that everyone talks about nights out and how they got home at 5AM practically every weekend. I know it's exaggerated but it's hard not to feel a bit jealous of their friendships, the fact that they're doing things all the time while the few times I've tried to organise something out of work people haven't been bothered. Making real friends definitely won't happen overnight though, so I guess I can just keep on truckin' and try to develop some of those friendships.
Thanks for the advice guys, I guess I needed somewhere to vent to with like-minded people.
>>17198741
I'm in the same boat as you. I didn't socialize for much of my youth and there came a point I realized how much I was missing and wanted to catch up but didn't know anyone and had little to no social skills.
What I can advise you is don't be insecure about not being able to please everybody. There really are people who are looking for, say, people who'll laugh at their stupid, lame jokes. By god did I have a really bitter experience with that. I had a friend girl, who I also liked, tell me she didn't want to hang out with me anymore because I was so serious all the time. I didn't really think so, I just couldn't ride on her really shallow jokes. So likewise, be open-minded and not too demanding from your company. Give a good amount of effort involving people in a discussion by asking them stuff and listening.
Everything starts with the pleasantries. Good morning, thank you, please etc. really makes people care about you.
>>17198580
I'm not OP but thanks for sharing that quote. It's so simple but really makes a lot of sense
[spoiler] too bad currently everyone I work with is double my age [/spoiler]
