I don't love my husband, he loves me a great deal. We never really fight and we get along great. We don't have sex much and I honestly don't feel romantically about him at all. I can't imagine not having him as a big part of my life, but I also feel really "held back" in terms of emotional expression and trying new things. He supports my hobbies since he doesn't really have any, but it's still pretty isolating to have the person you are married to make you feel foolish rather than your PIC most of the time. He doesn't do it on purpose, he is just a very boring homebody and I am not. So we don't relate well sometimes, and mutual respect and support isn't the same as sharing something.
We've talked about this over the years and never really come to a solution. I've thought about just asking for a divorce, but I also really don't want the hassle since I don't have a reason. He'd say ok. But family, friends, etc? What a pain in the ass. I also hate the idea of dating again, honestly.
No idea what to do.
>>17191997
>I don't have a reason.
>I don't love my husband
>We don't have sex much
>I honestly don't feel romantically about him at all
lol
you seem to like having a roommate, i don't see what the problem is.
Sounds like he's introverted and you're an extrovert. This situation can usually be worked out by making a compromise. Sometimes do what you would like, sometimes do what he likes. If mutual respect is there, you can make it work. However people usually don't change in their preferences. How come you got together with a guy like this so different from you?
The problem with dating is that it's unpredictable. You have no way of knowing if you find a guy who you for with better especially if you are not 18-25.
My problem is he doesn't like to do anything other than play games. He collects some things too. This is part of what we enjoyed together at first, but I have other hobbies. My solo hobbies are obviously not something I expect him to care about, and he will do things I want company on, like just the two of us paddling trips or travel. But it's pretty clear he's just there for me, and doesn't really appreciate it even if he overall enjoys it. It's clear he would rather be inside our small apartment following walkthroughs and skipping cutscenes.
I'd actually say we are both pretty introverted...he actually calls himself a shy extrovert. I spend most of my time inside and don't do group activities. He is my only friend. He just doesn't do shit. Not lazy, he just has no real interest in anything and doesn't care to discuss things that are topics many people have I speak with, men and women, seem to have some opinion or personal story about. He just doesn't give a fuck about anything. He has opinions, but he doesn't discuss them or get passionate about them. He is happy to listen to me ramble about anything, but it feels terribly one sided. He is very open so...I no longer feel it is an issue of trying to open him up. I did, and there is nothing inside.
However, this means his interests never conflict with mine, he never fights me, and he is zero drama in a way I really like compared to just about anybody else I've met.
>>17192036
Most men are like this. They have their own little world with their hobbies and they want to make the woman they love happy, so they do things that they may not appreciate that much just to make her happy. Most women are content with this though.
I think what you miss in your relationship is his lack of ambition, conflict, and passion. Women like these usually.
My advice is that you should tell him what you told me. Unless he's a huge manchild, you will be able to solve this together.
>>17192061
Ps: In the OP you wrote you felt held back emotionally and in expressing yourself. Why, and in what way?
>>17192061
We've been talking about it for years. I have said many of these things to him exactly. He talks about wanting to try this or that- dressing better, learning to draw, etc and I buy him the means to show my support, often the exact pencils or shoes he as chosen, and a month later he has forgotten about it. I do this too, I think everyone does a little, but I do pick up a lasting hobby or interest here or there (example: I bought a loom but eventually lost interest, but I stuck with skateboarding)
We both have non-physical jobs and his is likely more taxing than mine because I get to work alone.So I understand that when he comes home he just wants to play games and watch tv. I do the same, often but...I feel like we don't connect much at all. Playing overwatch together is fantastic, but it's not the same as learning a language together (something he suggested but promptly gave up on), or talking about certain things.
It is very hurtful that he can't stay awake for shit to talk to me about things even he expresses anxiety about or interest in (existential stuff, travel, history), but will accidentally pull all nighters playing 10 year old games fairly regularly.
Sounds like a dead marriage. Neither of you are necessarily a bad person or anything but I don't see why you should continue a relationship that feels more like a good roommate.
>>17192074
>It is very hurtful that he can't stay awake for shit to talk to me about things even he expresses anxiety about or interest in (existential stuff, travel, history), but will accidentally pull all nighters playing 10 year old games fairly regularly.
The game doesn't judge him when he has "boring opinions," or isn't "passionate" enough about small talk after a full day of work. The game just lets him relax. He should've married the game, quite frankly
>>17192074
Oh my god you cunt.
Here's it from another woman: get out of his life so he can be happy. You sound like a whiny cunt who can't be enjoy anything herself because if she's not getting lavished with attention then there's no point in it. You're a poser. You have no true passion for anything you're just looking to leech from other people's praise. I was never like that and I've always despised women like you. You know what? I love fantasy and anime and manga and yaoi and Dungeons and Dragons and larping and cosplaying and all other sorts of nerd stuff and my husband doesn't, he's a sports nerd and I don't care for sports, but guess what? We can still have a happier and more meaningful relationship than you will ever with anyone. Because I don't give a shit about others I do my hobbies because I LIKE THEM and I ENJOY THEM and I liked them and I enjoyed them even when I was alone and I would still like them and enjoy them if I were to be alone again too. You don't; you're not in it because the thing itself brings you joy you just want attention, and when you don't get it you whiny like a spoiled rotten shit baby. Do everyone a favor and go live alone where you can't make anyone else's life toxic with your leech existence.
>>17192074
You're concentrating too much on external things like clothes, skills etc... (if you know a good way to learn to draw please tell me because I'm interested)
These things need motivation and are an expression of the self. You need to motivate him and give him confidence. He seems to get really comfortable with his life and wants the things to stay the way they are. The vast majority of men are like this after reaching done success because it gives comfort and a sense of safety.
Honestly, he sounds like an escapist. Instead of solving his problems, he plays games as a substitute activity.
Whit do you think that his behavior hold you back?
>>17192096
>You're concentrating too much on external things
Duh she's empty inside with no interests of her own so she tries to fill it up and gets upset when she doesnt get the attention she wants.
>>17192065
There is no point in doing it and he doesn't "get it" half the damn time. So I'm not held back in that I'm free to do it all I please, but it makes me feel MORE lonely. I think most people are doomed to be lonely, no matter how many friends or lovers they have just because their experience is unique and they are a unique perceiving entity.
It would still be nice if I got more than a "that's a pretty/sad/cool song" when I write something for him.
He'll tell me "hey my coworkers client's death is really fucking me up" once and we'll talk about it, then years later he'll admit it still bothers him enough to disturb his sleep despite telling me it was fine the whole time. I ask why he didn't tell me and he just says "there's nothing you could do, so..."
He just makes me feel like a fucking idiot for having the audacity to tell my life partner when I'm feeling up or down...which is extremely discouraging. It maybe bothers me more than it should. He asks me to tell him without my prompting or being weird. So I assume he really wants to know. Then I tell him and it's like telling a hamster for all the human connection it gives me.
I'm given to unrealistic urges, and I know they are, but it's fun in the moment to play and dream "hey! Let's buy an old historical house in Morocco!" "What if we took a year off and lived in Japan?" "Hey, let's get historically accurate costumes and go roleplay in the mountains next time we can get a week off!" "Wouldn't it be great to save the money for one of those consumer submersibles?" "Let's make cosplay armor!"
He just gives no fucks about wacky plans or even realistic dreams.
>>17192102
I know.
If you're
>>17192093 I agree with you more or less, but if her husband is really closed and lazy, and she has a real drive to change things, that situation can get frustrating.
>>17192093
>I love fantasy and anime and manga and yaoi and Dungeons and Dragons and larping and cosplaying and all other sorts of nerd stuff
LONDON
O
N
D
O
N
>>17192104
> think most people are doomed to be lonely
I was never lonely. I liked being alone and I have no problems being alone if i have to. I like myself.
Stop looking for validation in others, retard.
>>17192093
I... I love you Anon.
Dealing with a woman similar to OP in my life and it was satisfying to read that.
>>17192107
>but if her husband is really closed and lazy, and she has a real drive to change things, that situation can get frustrating
If that were the case then she would divorce and find someone better for her. I don't think she will ever have the guts to do that though because she's just a poser and has no true passion.
>>17192104
You care way way too much about others' approval. If you want something, do it. Don't do it for attention. Do it because you have a drive to do it. Happiness is sticky. If he sees you are motivated and happy, he will follow our of interest and give you a chance. Emotionally most men are closed up and won't let their partner help them, so this is to be expected. He just sounds boring.
I really love that people are saying I don't have my own hobbies or interests. I also do a full day's work, though I admitted his job is likely more taxing for him.
He's the one who plays games and gives up on everything. I'm the one who likes to hike, skate, knit, write, play games, take more classes (we can take them for free because I'm faculty), dance, hunt and sew. most of that I'm happy to do alone, but it's...lonely. He loves me, I'm sure, but what is that really worth if it's a fact for him and not something I notice? I don't want flowers and dinner. I want an actual fucking conversation. We had one once. I asked him about stuff I had some knowledge on but is more his field. We talked for like 40 minutes till he got tired. I've tried the same topic with new questions but he just dismisses it. "I don't know" most people don't know dick about shit, yet they do speculate and have fun with it.
I was more saying like...
Pros: no drama and no conflicts really. Support.
Cons: not really emotionally intimate my less physically.
>>17192121
This is just an assumption on your part, made from reading a tiny text from her. She may very well divorce the guy.
>>17191997
this was expect because almost 70 percent of women instantiate divorce it is impossible to satisfy you women.
>>17192129
why can't you just be happy at least he is not beating you or is abusive.
I'm in a similar situation OP, my girlfriend of six years doesn't do anything but watch tv and it's hard to feel a real connection with her. She doesn't bother me or ask me for anything, so feel like I can't complain, but I also know I can't talk to her about anything. I probably realized that within the first year of dating her and now I'm in way to deep to back out. I'm trying to find the balls to do it, but I know it will make me the asshole.
Just because nothing is wrong doesn't mean it's right.
>>17192233
She sounds depressed.
>>17192129
Why don't you make friends with people who like the same things you do?
>>17192129
so hes tired from work. has no passion for anything. and dosent share the same interest. that and the fact that hes basically not passionate about anything but i guess gaming and work makes him sound like a wet blanket.
if you both have already talked about this several times then its obvious this aint going to fix itself. you both have conflicting desires in the fact that he has none and you have a lot.
so either he completely changed into a neet, which sucks, you married a neet, so you brought this on yourself with that young woman mentality of "but i can change him", or you generally got married way to early in which this was bound to happen.
short story is if you honestly dont love him anymore and the only reason you dont want to break up is its a pain in the ass and you actually give a shit what other people will think of you...which makes no sense, then all you have left is wallow in this.
You either accept the stability and calm he's providing you with or leave him for someone more passionate. You already tried to fix the problem and it doesn't work. Maybe you should have children with him. The kids will give you all of tge attention you need.
Blue pill from the other side.
>>17191997
>>17192036
You sound like an entitled bitch. Go fuck yourself.
Do wedding vows really mean nothing to anyone anymore?
>>17192129
>>17192104
>>17192074
>>17192036
>>17191997
OP, the perfect is the enemy of the good. Just because he's not the most passionate partner does not mean you should leave him. Few relationships are perfect. When you're older you'll likely appreciate the stability and effort at support he gives you even if it doesn't fulfill all your emotional needs. Really it shouldn't have to and I believe this massive expectation we put on spouses to deliver that is unnecessary and too much of an ideal.
Try and reconnect with old friends and family or make new friends based around your interests. And just keep doing what you're doing. You also seems to complain about a lack of physical intimacy. I recommend you try and initiate the physical intimacy yourself if you haven't already.
>I honestly don't feel romantically about him at all
Have you ever felt romantically toward someone? More specifically, a feeling about wanting to actively do something romantic toward someone. Not receiving romance. Doing it. Being romantic toward someone else without asking for anything in return and finding pleasure in it. Is that a feeling you are familiar with?
