Oh god /adv/, I'm scared shitless right now.
My mom is on disability and has no means of creating any other income. Her current income technically puts her below the poverty line, and it doesn't seem like she's been saving any of what she currently has. Despite being poor, she just called me saying that she's wants to buy me a car for $20 000 (she just sold her house so she has some money to spend I suppose) but given her current situation IMO she really doesn't have that kind of money to throw around. Whenever I try to get her to describe her long-term savings plan, she's always very dismissive about it, stating that 'things will work themselves out somehow'.
My chief concern is that in 5-10 years, when her disability pay stops and her money runs out, she'll become dependent on SOMEONE and she'll try and make that someone me. The thing is, I really don't fucking like this woman, and the idea of having to live/provide for her drives me up the fucking wall. She abused me and put me through hell growing up, and frankly I don't want much more to do with her in my adulthood.
What should I do? Should I plan to move as far away as I possibly can in the next few years? Should I (as politely as possible) turn down the car money and tell her to save it (she won't)? Am I overexaggerating things?
I have the very same fears as you OP.
Mom living off social security she sold her condo and instead of saving the money bought herself a new car and other unnecessary things.
She actually went and spoke to a financial advisor who told her not to do these things and save her money but... She clearly thinks that I, who do not have much money and 2 kids, will somehow support her formerly abusive butt. She doesn't even offer to buy me any nice stuff and never has.
I am an adopted only child and she is divorced so I don't know what she is thinking.
>>17190636
> I am an adopted only child and she is divorced so I don't know what she is thinking.
Holy fuck, same here. I'm not the religious type but if I was I would have thought my adoptive mom's inability to have children was an act of god, with me being adopted a weird misstep in their plan. Perhaps it was the same with you, maybe these cruel ladies couldn't bare children for a reason and had no business adopting. It certainly seems so. Not to mention how painful it is to go through divorce when you're already adopted, any issues with attatchment that formed previously are bound to be compounded through divorce.
Honestly I'm pretty surprised someone else on here is going through something so similar, its kind of a rare situation to be in.
>>17190689
Thats actually exactly how I feel...
That God did not want her to have kids. Because she treated me like crap, she basically adopted me to save a failing marriage and it didn't work then she became major league abusive.
She is still
Batshit crazy and jealous of everything I have accomplished.
I have my own kids biologically and the way I approach is so different.
I can only imagine like... She wasn't meant to have kids but somehow she got her hands on one to feel more normal and now she already fucked up a lot of my life and I do not want to support her. Keeps me up at night sometimes...
>>17190700
Yah, it's just really hard to believe there isn't SOME sort of reasoning or logic behind it all. Personally, the only time I've come close to believing in a god in recent years is from this one situation alone.
The fact that these crones couldn't have kids just matches with their characters perfectly; some women just aren't good mothers, period. I mean, aren't our fathers supposed to have better judgement??? Aren't they supposed to be biologically hardwared to avoid women like this (through millions of years of evolution)??? Maybe, in your case, if the adoption agency was more rigorous with their standards what you went through could have been avoided. I find it hard to believe there were no red flags whatsoever.
Maybe adoption agencies should be tougher with who they let adopt. Foster care isn't always the best but with it's rigorous controls it seems ideal compared to being raised by some asshole.
>>17190604
im always surprised how upset people are about having to take care of their parents these days.
they took care of you. often took care of their parents. is it that hard to pay it forward?
>>17190731
Well- no my mother did not take care of her parents they both died young.
My mother also took care of no one. She married money lived off it,
Got divorced, got a huge settlement, tried to use me as a pawn for more money, and blew threw it all while refusing to work and then went on social security 6 or 7 years early...
My father works hard and has been a good man and although he has a predilction for prostitutes he has shown foresight. He hasnt just expected I will support his lifestyle. I would be more than happy if I am
Ever financially able to try to
Help him.
My mom on the other hand? Why should my kids suffer bc their grandma wanted to live way beyond her means?
There is a big difference
>>17190731
well to put it bluntly, my parent's recklessness has denied me of a future.
>>17190731
If she treated me well in childhood I wouldn't hesitate in helping her out through some shape or form. But given the damage she's done to me, no, I don't think she's entitled to any help (she was the one who choose me, not the other way around). This isn't some teen angst bullshit, I'm talking serious abuse and reckless parenting, something that would significantly decrease my quality of life if I were exposed to it on a regular basis again.
>>17190766
Its unfortunate but not all
Parets are good parents.
Isn't there a senior home to be put her in?
This shit bums me out, but for entirely different reasons, your mom sounds like she has issues, I just have an aunt who is kind of the center of drama between family because she is in a wheelchair, and eventually someone has to take care of her, unfortunately the younger aunt decided that it was better to weasle out and have a kid and be a single mom to excuse herself and moved away.
So you can do what my aunt did and just run away as far as possible, in your defense she sounds unpleasant. Since I am more heartless, and especially since her abuse sort of justifies it for me, I would take that 20 grand and make something of it, dedicate months learning some business and making it much more AS A SAFETY NEST in case shit really does hit the fan, no, you don't want to buy her groceries and diapers for the rest of your life but you probably would want to afford some last minute surgery if it'll help her during that moment
If you're in Florida I'd love to brainstorm, sort of wish I had social circle of friends interested in this sort of thing
>>17190731
They obviously did not have peachy keen parents.
>>17190807
I was thinking of doing this; asking for the money up front, putting it away and forgetting about it (letting it gain interest, etc) until she inevitably asked for it some way or another. But I think she wants to pay for the car herself, I don't think she'd give me the money directly.
>>17190832
sell the car, it has the equity
>letting it gain interest
In the bank?
at our 0.03~℅ rate?
I mean, I guess, I was thinking more bonds and stocks l, hell, 20k is something towards a down payment for a place to rent out. Something more than a 0.03% return, my strong suggestion, not a terrible idea but I would be more open to that kind of return when you have another zero added to that number
>>17190807
Senior homes can be really expensive.Like a couple grand a month expensive...I'm in Texas where everything is relatively cheap compared to the nationwide average and it's still that expensive here.
They do have income based government assisted ones but those are still pricey. Most people's Social Security alone will not cover the cost.
Point is senior living isn't cheap.
