Here's the deal /adv/. I've been smoking pot recreationally for well over a decade, since before I met my wife. She herself doesn't smoke (she's tried it but never smoked regularly). Recently, she's begun to get upset when I do, and she tells me that she thinks I have a substance abuse problem.
That's complete bunk; I take care to make sure I smoke responsibly. I smoke maybe 2-3 times a month, never when I have to drive, never when I have work the next day, never when I'm upset about something, and never before our son (2 y.o.) goes to bed. It also isn't a drain on our finances; a 1/4-oz lasts me well over a year. I know that I don't have a substance abuse problem.
But I know that people who suffer from addiction often don't understand their own situation and will offer all kinds of rationales to try to show that their drug use isn't that bad. So to offer the above information is useless, she treats it like a refusal to take accountability.
I don't think she's intentionally gaslighting me; she was in a long-term relationship (before we met) that ended disastrously, primarily because of her ex's alcoholism, so she's super sensitive to the issue. I'm not sure what I can tell her. Help please.
>>17188557
>I don't think she's intentionally gaslighting me; she was in a long-term relationship (before we met) that ended disastrously, primarily because of her ex's alcoholism, so she's super sensitive to the issue. I'm not sure what I can tell her. Help please.
Point out that connection. If you're going through a quarter ounce a year you do not have a problem. That said, if something bothers a partner this much and its this small a part of your life, maybe its time to let it go.
Couples' counselling, OP.
...I speak from experience. Seems like you're being rational, she needs to be able to not view the situation from the perspective of a traumatic previous relationship; most people need a therapist's guidance to change their frame of reference.
>>17188585
Couples counselling is a good idea, but OP is still trying to pitch the regular use of a controlled substance to someone who had a relationship fail due to substance abuse AND theres a kid involved. Its not like she's asking him to give up his favorite hobby, here.
>>17188557
You're being responsible. She's being hysterical.
Since there's a kid involved, you might want to quit it altogether. My wife doesn't drink due to lots of alcoholism on her side of the family. She didn't mind me having the occasional drink, but she definitely grew uncomfortable with it after our daughter was born. I could've formed a perfectly rational reasonable argument about why she's being silly... but why? What would that have earned me? I wasn't a heavy drinker anyways, so in the grand scheme of things, it was a very small sacrifice to make.
>>17188573
>>17188585
>>17188599
>>17188902
Thanks for the thoughtful advice.
I agree that it wouldn't be a huge sacrifice, but I really enjoy smoking weed, and I've rather not give it up if I don't have to. I also find it useful for "checking in" with myself - I get very introspective, and it sometimes brings to the surface things that are bugging me, even if I don't realise that they're bugging me, so I can deal with them directly.
Anyway, I appreciate your suggestions. I'll talk with her about it and we'll see.
>>17189649
She wants to change you
You smoke way more than you think you do, but you're so fucking high all the time that you forget.
2-3 times a month isn't addiction in any conceivable way
>>17188557
7g a year is fucking NOTHING. I used to smoke 7g in 5 days and I still denied I had a substance abuse problem (though I actually did, fuck my life for those 2 years). You're right that it's hard to tell whether you're actually addicted from an inside perspective but 7g a year is nowhere near abuse.
I have friends who I would consider rare users and they still go through more than 7g a year.
Keep it in control though. The moment you feel like 'Oh weed is harmless, it'll be OK to smoke a bit more per week', you've entered a slippery slope and you WILL crash and burn. That 7g will turn into 70 and then 700
>>17188557
sounds like she needs to learn the difference between use and abuse, and use and problem use.
If it isn't getting in the way of your ability to do other things or have normal relationships then you probably don't have a problem.
>>17189762
Which means quitting should be no big deal.
>>17188902
This guy gets it. Marriage is about compromise.
Does she ever drink?
