I think I'm falling out of love with the love of my life and the other person I've ever loved.
I've been going out with my boyfriend for three years after spending four years wanting to date him (two years crushing, two years full on loving him). We have pretty much everything in common, we like all the same things and we have the same sense of humour.
Lately, things have been a bit tricky for me. The relationship is fine and he's happy, but sometimes I really struggle to listen to him and he's really let himself go. I managed to tell him last week that I think he's put on too much weight in a "I know you want to get fit someday and I think you're straying too far away from your goal" way, but he doesn't know that I'm becoming physically repulsed by him when he takes his shirt off. Although I'd never cheat in a million years, I'm finding myself looking at other guys more and I even seek out porn with handsome shirtless men.
Any time I look at dumb 'signs you're falling out of love' posts on the internet, it doesn't seem to apply. I'm not angry at him, I'm not holding any grudges and I still want to have sex with him, I just don't really know what's happening.
I also acknowledge that since this is one-sided, I could be the one at fault. I've been sad and tired and demotivated recently, plus the stress of thinking I'm falling out of love with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with is giving me panic attacks and making me lose my appetite.
I don't know what to do, I don't know how to think and I just need someone to talk to. I feel like anyone close to me would go berserk if I told them how I feel because I spent so long being lonely and wanting him, now I don't know what to do.
>the other person I've ever loved.
Only person I've ever loved.
Way to proof-read, me.
Oh my god, shut up.
I really hate listening to this garbage. You're laying it on real thick, and you're still not even convincing yourself.
"Although I'd never cheat in a million years, I'm finding myself looking at other guys more and I even seek out porn with handsome shirtless men." Is a pointless thing to even bring up, because nobody assumed this in the first place. You're sexually attracted to other men, and actively checking them out. You've obviously had thoughts, and you feel guilty about it.
You cannot fall out of love with somebody. To love somebody is to embrace them in their entirety. If you, "Fall out of love" you were never really in love in the first place.
"The relationship is fine and he's happy..." You aren't happy, you don't find him interesting, and you are actively checking out other men. It sounds to me like you let your natural desires get the best of you, and cloud your judgement.
For the sake of yourself, and your boyfriend, I think it's best that you either talk to him, or leave him. Do this before you do something rash in a moment of weakness and end up potentially screwing up both of your lives.
>>17177262
I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to be convincing myself of? I'm being very very clear that I'm the bad guy and it's not like I'm trying to get sympathy, I need advice because there's nobody I can talk to IRL. This is my first serious relationship and I wanted to talk through it with people who may have been in a similar position. Plus I've opened up the possiblity that it may be my own deflated self that's taking it out on the relationship, that's something I was also wondering if people had experience with.
Oh, and stop trying to find your answers on the internet. Why the hell should the internet know what you're feeling? You literally already have the answer inside of you, and it's physically manifesting itself in actual physical symptoms that are affecting you and causing you to seek out these sites in the first place.
You're so convinced that you love this guy and want to spend the rest of your life with him, but you aren't happy with him! I WONDER WHY.
Sit down, prod your brain for a bit, and solve this problem without the help of Google. Is it REALLY just because of an alteration to your boyfriends appearance? Is that all it takes to sway your, "Love"? Seems kind of dumb when you actually verbalize the issue, huh.
Internet asshole #806 signing off.
>>17177262
I disagree with this preachy anon.
Op frm what you've said it sounds like you're just less attracted to him now he's a chunky monkey. Solution: bluntness.
"Babe I love you & always will but the rate you're putting on weight is making me less attracted to you sexually. I'll come to the gym with you / do that thing you lile / take it in the ass/ etc if you go to the gym for me "
Men can handle this kind of directness in ways women can't
>>17177281
I talked to him about his weight last week and one thing he mentioned was how tactful I was when I was talking about it. I'm not sure if that's given him any motivation or incentive though, all he's really said is "Please be patient while I get it off". No real change in diet or anything.
It's not entirely physical though, I'd be happy to have sex with him right now if he wanted it. I could do with a little break from talking to him, but again I'm not sure if it's because of us or because I've been feeling a bit low myself.
>>17177246
Ypure just another suerficial slut,
DUMP HIM ALREADy you horrible person lol hahahagga
>>17177246
You alreaddy kknow youre going to dump him so just do it already
Why do you feel sad and tired and demotivated? Is there something going on?
Try to solve your own problems: seek psychological help if you need it, talk to your friends, find a solution to solvable problems, etc.
Things you can do to improve your relationship:
>Get back in shape together.
Go exercise together. Do physical activities together: running, gym, hiking, whatever. Cook healthy food for you both. Get rid of all the junk food. Praise him for losing weight.
>Spend time together
Go out on dates. Pick up a new class or hobby. Take two hours a day you spend just with him.
>>17177345
I think work is just kinda getting to me. I don't speak to my boss very often or get any sort of instruction, so I just feel deflated and demotivated because I don't have any sort of guidance or deadlines. But at the same time I don't really feel rested because I don't work a 9-5, so I feel like I always should be working.
A date that isn't reliant on food would be very nice. Typically he just wants to go to a restaurant, but I could suggest going on a walk or hiking.
>>17177353
Are you working from home?
You could set a determinate amount of hours per day to work, and stick to it. Or decide a certain amount of work to do each day, depending on what you do.
You should also set yourself some deadlines - I do it with myself a lot, it helps keeping myself motivated.
Take the rest of the day off to rest, enjoy yourself and do other activities. We're not robots and we need to have some time for ourselves during the day.
There are many activities you can do that aren't about food: walks, hikes, going to the movies, zoo, theatre, concerts, art exhibitions, classes.
