Hi. I am a 20 year old girl, I am very autistic.
I have a boyfriend of 5 years and I do not wish to leave him.
But as luck would have it, I am far, far more attracted to other girls. (He is honestly the only man I feel attracted to).
There are dozens of girls in my life who I would kill to simply be able to confess to, and I clearly have to repress the lesbian side of me for the sake of my boyfriend. That side of me is far, far stronger than the straight side. As stated my attraction to men starts and ends with him.
Even then, after all this, I still dream of one day marrying another girl. It is a nasty feeling. He knows how much I yearn to be with another girl and it makes him terrified and paranoid.
I am not fully sure what to do. We have been though hell and worse together and I'm not likely to ever fully abandon him. I've tried several times in the past, it never lasts long. He is simply a part of me and there is no getting around it.
But...
You know.
Me and him are asking you guys for advice, basically.
You got together at 15. This is not a mature relationship where you are both fully grown adults who have been "through hell and worse together".
Break up. You're not going to make it work when you're not even decided on a fundamental as large as which gender you want your partner to be. Don't waste your or his time.
>>17172379
I've had issues with homelessness. He has had issues with the police and multiple suicide attempts in public. We have tackled psych wards together and its been incredible. My father was physically abusive. He was raped. To say we find comfort in one another is like stating grass is green.
We simply cannot distance ourselves from one another. We have both tried.
It's sad my sexuality works this way however.
>>17172373
You don't have a "gay side" or "straight side"
You're either bi/pan or a repressed lesbian, it's that simple.
If both of you find it threatening to your relationship, then it means it's serious.
These are not the kind of feelings that will go away, waiting it out will only make it an abscess.
I think you should try one of those relationships that you crave, with someone else. This is hard because you're relying on each other for basic survival, so I can only advise when both of you are in a good place in life alltogether. Talk about it with him, a kind of Ross/Rachel break or something: 90% chance you'll want to get back with him. It's going to be hard but if you don't do it at some point it's going to be even fucking harder, it'll come back and hit you in the face full force.
Either way, talk about what both of you can do about it since it's alredy in the open. Trying is never worse than letting things rot away slowly until it makes everything go to shit and both of you are left with litreally nothing.
>>17172373
You have brain problems
>>17172373
Just pick up girls at the bar and take the home. Share a girl. Join swinger clubs. Best of both worlds. You get the love and intimacy with your partner and the sexual satisfaction of female partners. He can share in on the fun too so it is fair.
>>17172576
Ahah, we aren't those kinds of people. Sex isn't our kind of thing. "Sharing" a person is something I would cringe at.
>>17172632
you're the kind of people other people cringe at.
As >>17172379 said, grow up. You're doing both yourself and him a disservice in prolonging this charade. Being with him and wanting to marry a woman is mutually exclusive, so you have to make a choice.
You're going to regret it either way, but you'll especially regret any decision that's not true to yourself.
