odd one out
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
so ive always been a pretty personable and sociable person, however i have a problem. i always have to do the organising of shit, or i dont get included. now people will tell me how funny/interesting they think i am, and how much fun or whatever they had at what i organised, but heres the thing, if i dont organise it they will still organise stuff but not invite me, even if its that same fucking stuff i introduced to them. this happened to my high school friends who eventually phased me out of their group during uni as i got sick of always having to do the work, and recently after moving to a new city ive formed a new gang and again started organising shit to do (pub crawls, concerts, etc.). BUT AGAIN this group of randoms that i have actually brought together and didnt know each other at all before me have started going out and doing shit sans me
i dont understand why i always get left behind like this. people never tell me im rude or offensive or grating or whatever, in fact people tell me the opposite. one of the guys from the new group actually thanked me for including him in the stuff because he had been lonely for a long time. and yet now theyre all excluding me, just like before. why does this happen? if this has happened to you or you do it to other people, please share your thoughts on this as i want to fix it
>>17169918
im in a similar situation. in my friends group i have to organize 95% of things, i always have to be the one to come up with ideas, ask people, remind people, come up with a time and day etc. however, on one offs my friends will organize something and invite me although it is incredibly rare for one of them to organize something, and when they do, its normally because they are getting something out of it.
im not exactly sure why my friends never really organize things. i think it might be because they put no thought into it and just expect me to come up with ideas. this summer for example, they all went on about how we should plan events and shit but they have barely mentioned any plans and as always happens, its left up to me to do everything.
anyway, with your situation, it might be because your friends are so used to you organizing shit and they might assume that if you dont mention wanting to do something, you dont want to do it. i feel like some people are just stupid sometimes. i hate being the one that organizes stuff but i know they wont do anything on there own.
>>17170020
cont. i also should say, the reason they always invite me to things is because in the past people in the group have done shit with a few people with out inviting everyone else and i have had words with them about it.
>>17169918
so when you asked your friends why you seem to get excluded from any get-together that you don't organise yourself, they said...?
>>17170020
i do think that could be a problem, but i do point out i want to go to things but they just say, yeah ok we will invite you next time. they dont even check with me if i want to go, when you like you say im fucking asking everyone, reminding them, organisings cars and shit and they cant even just send me a text to see if i want to come
>>17170028
some bullshit about them either 'forgetting' or that they didnt think i would like the thing, though again theyve said this for shit they are have organised things before and in many cases actually introduce them to
>>17169918
It's just your position in life dude, take it up with God.
>>17170244
fuck that i want to fix things
>>17170263
dont know if there is much you can do apart from speak to your friends about it, though, you say, you have done that. i guess some groups of people are just stupid. shit like this is why i always try to ask everyone in my friends
>>17170263
Well, I guess you have to write down are your quirks and figure out what irritates them.
>>17170267
>>17170367
i have asked them, and they only have good things to say. ofc they could be lying, but i dont know why when ive asked them to point blank tell me what the problem is
>>17170729
I mean, you personally have figure out what your irritable quirks are.
What sort of people are you making friends with? Are they other losers or are they "cool" people who know they can do better?
>>17170749
no theyre about at my level, or perhaps i overestimate myself and they do think they can do better than me. thats so unfair though, i really work hard at this stuff, always make people laugh, like i said people thank me for inviting them along to things but then dont return the favour. and desu im definitely more of a personality than some of the people in the group who do get invited
>>17169918
To me it sounds like you don't get close with these people. I'm guessing here but it's very likely that the people at these events you organize are meeting up mano a mano during their free time. It's very possible that you simply don't get close enough to people or come across like you only do stuff in big groups / if it's really fucking cool.
Do you ever invite anyone of these people to just hang out and watch some shitty movie on the TV? Do you ever suggest that you'd come over with a six pack and just chill?
>>17170837
yeah it can be just normal stuff like going to the pub or whatever, not necessarily a big event. some of these people are even my fucking roommates (who all go out together without involving me) and im the most sociable one in this place. i fucking introduce them to each other and dragged one girl out of her room and now she has a better social life than me
>>17170859
>im the most sociable one in this place
You sound, understandably, bitter but maybe that's a facet of your personality that's coming through? It could be a number of quirks. Some people don't like overly enthusiastic people.
>Perhaps I overestimate myself and they do think they can do better than me.
Possibly, maybe you have to really look at yourself. Are most of these friends of the same type?
Tell us about a trip you arranged and one they didn't tell you about.
>>17170859
Then the only idea I have left for now is that you have managed to ingrain in them the idea that you are an organizer. When you want to do something with them you will hit them up. They don't feel inclined to do the same because they expect you to push the issue when you want to hang out.
Be clear with the fact that you want to get invited but don't force it too hard with smaller groups, sometimes you just want to meet one or two friends separately.
>>17171018
yeah i am venting somewhat, and im definitely not 'happy to be there' overly enthusiastic girl. i mean the really upsetting thing is that this has happened with about 3 different sets of friends (i have moved around quite a lot) who were each quite different. i think most of the people and hang around with are pretty similar to me, im not so sure now though, maybe i am a loser punching upwards
ok so for example i organised a pub crawl a couple of weeks ago and a visit to see captain america at the cinema; last friday my 'friends' did another pub crawl and today a few of them went to see xmen. like, its literally the same fucking stuff, drinking and comic book movies. thats a pretty egregious example just because of how similar it is but thats what happened
>>17171025
i guess thats possible, but i have told them id like to join them at things. like ill ask them,
what did you guys do today
oh we all went and did x y z
oh man that sounds cool id like to do that, could you give me a message when youre going next time?
yeah sure no worries
but it never comes
>>17171123
>maybe i am a loser punching upwards
I mean, do they post on 4chan? I literally know only 2 people who do. One is a legit channer, the other is someone who thinks he's some sort of introverted outcast despite being quite popular, and makes trips to 4chan only when it is linked through facebook or something.
>>17171180
im not sure if they do, i dont really visit here much either (i go on an even more reeee website) i was just trying to think of somewhere to go for advice. theyre all pretty normal people i guess
>>17171199
>(i go on an even more reeee website)
...care to tell us which one?
>>17171208
2*4ch
i think talking about it round here is banned though
>>17171322
ate-chan is a terrible place and that's saying something, even when compared to 4chan.
>>17171391
yeah, but thats kind of another issue. i am a pretty normal person irl
You have shitty friends. Most people you meet in life are shitty and selfish. Tell them to fuck off, and go meet new people. It takes an enormous amount of time - for folks in our unlucky positions - to make even one good friend. But, eventually, it will happen if you don't force it. Just keep trying. And learn to be happy by yourself first.
>>17171609
>Most people you meet in life are shitty and selfish
That's not quite true, I think it's more shitty people are drawn to us since they know we are pushovers.
